25+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week

Advertisement
  • 01
    ilove @imsopopular. 23h Do you guys think a 25 year old and 29 year old can be in love
  • 02
    nazzo ❤ @nazzobetweeting. 21h 0 i was reading a book by a british author that takes place in NYC and the author wrote "the flight from London landed at LaGuardia Airport" like no. no, it didn't. no it did not do that.
  • 03
    Blue COLLAR GOOD JOB • Blue Collar B... @BlueColla... Mar 11 Ø culturally the mohawk is kind of up for grabs rn ...
  • 04
    Chris Oldman @AlsikkanTV - Mar 11 just met someone named Cheddar Larson and she said her sister is a famous actress but she wouldn't say who
  • 05
    • ethan @lil_eath · Mar 10 ••• the thing is, these men are handsome. they could've, in theory, been cast as single episode boyfriends in s and the city. but in their mix of ego and delusion, they uglify themselves. Lett@lettpoupette Mar 9 we're living in such delusional times Men shopping at the JFK Jr lookalike competition Men shopping at the JFK Jr lookalike competition
  • 06
    Her joy @holzawn Mar 10 • "Michael B Jordan was able to embody two completely different characters in Sinners" The characters: A TOOFPICK CHANGES EVERYTHANG • • • H SPICEADAMS
  • 07
    em @emilyagain · Mar 9 • Spring in NYC we are so back Suzette Compas PS.6 You are a professional Stop fleurting with my husband
  • 08
    felicity shagwell... @liIpo... Mar 9 • its hard for me to take a breakfast sandwich seriously if it's served on a hamburger bun ...
  • 09
    matt amodio fan... @ban... Mar 9 Charlie pitch has perfect puth ...
  • 10
    beautiful woman @zooomettee Mar 8 • Light wash jeans are not nighttime attire
  • 11
    Soda @fredsoda · Mar 9 ngl this is just a downright mean tweet cold @coldhealing Mar 8 · Walking around New York on the first warm day. Seeing so many couples who met on Hinge that clearly are not looksmatched. The summer will melt what winter hid
  • 12
    Jordan Zakarin @jordanzakarin • Mar 8 0 ... While Luigi Mangione sits in jail in Sunset Park, his cousin Peter Mangione is playing for Coney Island's new pro soccer team. Brooklyn contains multitudes. NWINV FROM PETER MANGIONE B NN STAT
  • 13
    Michaela @mimizima_ · Mar 5 EM (RuPaul giving your drivers license test) your parking was... unparalleled. Ø
  • 14
    johnny @kudosdunce Mar 4 · just had dinner in lower manhattan with some extremely employed women Ma BO Me when I have a friend Mad HBO None VOLVO HBO Northwestern Mutual VOLVO Northwestern Mutu OLV HBO HBO Mu VOLVO HB Northwes VOLVO HBO HBO Mal ...
  • 15
    ashley ray @theashleyray Mar 4 the bear should end with them deciding to make the place a plain ol' sandwich shop again and it turns into a normal restaurant with colorful regulars and the show we all actually wanted to watch begins
  • 16
    REE$E ★ @reesebepuffing. Mar 4 a beautiful chinese woman named Deer Xing is communicating with me through road signs
  • 17
    joy-con eater @foconut_ Mar 4 drag queen named Mx. Sir-a-lot
  • 18
    sexpert @sahib14384912 · Mar 2 0 so im an extended minor (20) and my mom (63) just told me to get a job? does that not feel kinda icky?
  • 19
    anna AP@hard boiled babe · Mar 2 Tragic Catch 22: girl who was annoying everyone last night pulled me aside to ask if she was annoying everyone
  • 20
    adriana arina @hotgirl420_ · Mar 3 • ... I made a meme Campbell Tomato SOUP 38 SODIUM
  • 21
    Seth Vargas @ohsethy. Mar 2 0 ... Listening to my white noise podcast at 1.5x speed so I can rest faster
  • 22
    Jani Gem @Jani_Gee Mar 1 • Thinking about how during my massage yesterday the lady pumped a bunch of oil into her hands and started massaging my freshly straightened hair then finished by putting a hot wet towel on my head and pressing down...
  • 23
    shreya @shreyabasu003 Mar 1 Growing up I doubted my attraction to men because of how everyone went on about Channing Tatum ...
  • 24
    michel cerat... @michelcer... Feb 28 • ... At pizza parties in elementary school I used to sit back and watch everyone rush over at once like cattle before getting up so as to not be seen wanting
  • 25
    todd bonzalez @doinkpatrol - Feb 27 Ø mirepoix would be a beautiful name for a baby girl ...
  • 26
    Meg @megannn_lynne Feb 26 • guy fieri: okay, little lady, walk me through how we're grillin' this cheese me: two pieces of white bread, well-buttered. then the star of the show guy fieri: we talkin' gruyère? pepper jack? gouda? me: kraft single guy fieri: sleazy does it, sister

Tags

Scroll Down For The Next Article