‘Should I tell my boss how upset I am with them?’: Employee wants to skip work lunch her boss invited her to, because she doesn’t like 2 of the coworkers who are also attending

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  • Woman eating a sandwich while using a smartphone at a desk with a laptop, mug, and stationery.
  • Boss wants me to go to lunch with coworkers I despise

    I need some advice. (sorry this is long) My boss is having a lunch meeting with a representative from one of our partner companies and he invited me and four other co-workers.
  • Two of the co-workers I absolutely despise. My boss does not know this. For context, the other two co- workers are a married couple, and the husband is basically the golden child for the business.
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  • He can do no wrong because he brings in a lot of money. I'll call them Kevin and Karen.
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  • Kevin will nickel and dime every person he can just to get more money and I have no respect for him.
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  • He's nice to your face, but will take your client from you in a heartbeat. I'm the opposite.
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  • I will help co-workers without requesting extra money and I'm honest and transparent with my clients about cost and ways they can actually save money.
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  • Woman eating a sandwich at a desk while looking at a phone on a stand, with a laptop and coffee mug nearby.
  • A few months back, he tried to take a client from me. We were working on the same proposal for the client, but I didn't know it.
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  • I had this client for awhile, and we had been emailing back and forth. Come to find out the client's co-woker called the office asking for a proposal (not realizing I worked for the same company), and Karen answered the phone, then gave the information to Kevin.
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  • We have a central database where we put all of our clients, the active and potential ones, and when I realized that there was a secondary entry into the system, I got a hold of Kevin and asked what was going on.
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  • I told him that this was my client and we had already been working for a couple of weeks on this proposal.
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  • He went off on me. Saying I should have put some more notes into the database about the co-worker, that he's done so much work, etc...
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  • Then he goes on to lecture me (this is all in a long email) about "character" in business and "work ethic", I was just shocked and confused and angry on where all this came from.
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  • Kevin makes a TON of money, way more than me, this client wasn't a big client at all.
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  • And yes, my boss was copied on all of this. From then on, I've never spoken to him or his wife, luckily we all work remotely, but that also means I don't get to see anyone else from the office.
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  • I successfully avoided the office Christmas Party and the remote office game night a few weeks ago because I didn't want to see him or his wife.
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  • Back to the lunch. It's not required that I go, but I really want to see my other two co- workers who have been great to me and have been my rock and took up the extra load of work when I had a recent surgery.
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  • Should I not go if Kevin and Karen are going? Should I tell my boss how upset I am with them?
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  • I don't know what to do. The meeting is in two days, and I'm all confused about it.
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  • I really, really don't want to see Kevin's face at all. I get so angry when I even think about him.
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  • Any advice would heln
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  • The-Snarky-One Sometimes you just gotta play ball. You may not like the called play, but you're on the team. Do your part, and do it well.
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  • Content-Novel-2765 Original Poster's Reply I LOVE this encouragement. I'm going to paste your quote on the top of my work notes to help and remind me of the bigger picture. =)
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  • MethodMaven Go to the lunch. Icy professionalism can say a lot more than avoidance or a heated altercation. Do your best to be distantly polite and professional with the "K's”.
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  • Content-Novel-2765 Original Poster's Reply I like that. I'm already formulating in my mind about an icy "Hello", then a nice warm greeting to the other two co-workers, hahaha
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  • Vikingaling Not icy. Warm, kind, professional. Don't let him think he's gotten under your skin at all.
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  • Content-Novel-2765 Original Poster's Reply That's good advice. You just got me thinking, I've known the business partner we're meeting with longer than Kevin has, and I have a good relationship with him and the partner company. I could use that to my advantage to draw attention away from Kevin dominating the conversation...
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  • Savings_Income4829 So, are they breaking any rules, and what was the bosses response to the email chain about the \[potential issues)? Also, did you not follow database procedure? Who messed up, them, you, combo? If you are both doing your jobs in a correct way, as deemed by the company it's a personal problem/ If you don't jive with them at a personal level, which is fine and normal in any company you still need to be professional in the relationship.
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  • mythoughts2020 It's your responsibility to act professionally and to work with and communicate with co-workers, even if you hate them. Be professional, go to the lunch, and do your best to enjoy the coworkers you do like. Keep your comments clear and short to the K's, professional but brief. You're only hurting yourself by limiting contact with the others and it'll likely impact your job at some point.
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  • Content-Novel-2765 Original Poster's Reply Very true. I have avoided a couple of work things because of them and my boss did express some sadness that I couldn't go. I'm heavily leaning into going and just making polite conversation.
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  • RadioSupply It's just lunch, and it's really not about Kevin. It's about you and your relationship with your boss; your boss specifically asked you, so go. Do the Obama thing and go high. Be gracious. Greet Kevin and his wife, and ask after their kids, if they have any. Try to talk to them a few times on low-stakes things, but if Kevin is running his mouth? Stay quiet, and let him gather enough rope.
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  • Content-Novel-2765 Original Poster's Reply Love this. I think you're right. It's about my boss, not me. I need to go high, make polite conversation. K.I them with kindness. It's been good for me to see these replies and get out of my head. That's the only hard thing about everyone being remote, is that it's super easy to avoid co-workers, and I've been doing that with Kevin and his wife. So now seeing them again is probably building up in my head bigger than it really is. x)
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  • Wakemeup3000 Your boss invited you so just go. Doesn't matter who else is there. This is business not personal. Don't tell your boss anything about your feelings toward Kevin and Karen. You don't want to be seen as a problem child in the company. If they try to interact with you (and most likely they won't because they will be busy brown nosing with more important people) grey rock them.
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  • Content-Novel-2765 Original Poster's Reply I agree. The advice I've been getting has been really good and I appreciate it and I appreciate you taking the time to help me get out of my own head.
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  • Master_Grape5931 Why escalate with the golden child though? I wouldn't give them any more thought.
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  • Content-Novel-2765 Original Poster's Reply That's true. I don't want to draw any more attention to him than he already has.
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  • nutnbetter2do This is not a work requirement it will look good on you in the workplace. I am sure you are able to work with them, even if its no contact work. Consider the same at lunch. This is a work environment. Act accordingly. Be polite, but keep all interactions to a minimum.
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  • Content-Novel-2765 Original Poster's Reply Thank you, I will take your advice. =)
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  • The-Snarky-One It's a lunch that your boss invited you to and K&K will just happen to also be there. You don't need to be their best friend, but you have to be professional with your boss, your coworkers, and anyone else. You're a professional, be professional.
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