Grandparents can't handle babysitting 8-year-old and 2-year-old, get offended when parents cancel family vacation because they have to pay for childcare

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 2, 2026 9:00 AM EDT

Just because grandparents express a willingness to care for their grandkids doesn't mean that they are the best fit to babysit.

For one, there is every chance that parents and grandparents have very different ideas on the best ways to raise children, and they may be likely to clash over that. Also, it has likely been a long time since they had to look after kids, and they may find that they are not up to the challenge in their current phase of life. While the offering of a free babysitter in the family is a godsend to most parents, it is not necessarily going to have a happy ending.

The unfortunate thing about it not working out when grandparents babysit is that they might not be happy to have their childcare opportunities taken away. After all, many dote on their grandkids even if they are not the best fit for looking after them consistently. When they are no longer given this responsibility, they can take it as a message that their kids do not want them to be around their grandchildren. This can only make them become more defensive, even if the decision is the right thing for everyone involved.

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  • A little girl laughs while sat between her smiling grandparents in a living room
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A little girl laughs while sat between her smiling grandparents in a living room

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In this story, some grandparents offered to babysit their daughter's two kids as she and her husband were struggling to find childcare that fit with the awkward hours of their catering business. They gratefully accepted, but ran into problems when it became apparent that their parents were finding it difficult to take care of the children for the amount of time that they needed them to.

    As a result, they told them that they would look for paid childcare again and that they would likely have to cancel a planned vacation together as they could no longer afford the expense. The grandparents took offense to this, and the woman was left wondering if she had taken things too far.

  • Am I wrong for cancelling the family vacation and not allowing my parents to babysit anymore?

    I (28F) have two kids. One is 8 yo and the other one is 2. Me and my husband have a catering business; finding reliable childcare has been an entire nightmare due to our unpredictable schedule and unconventional hours.
    via Traditional_Egg8685
  • My parents are both very young still, so both are working. My mother works part time (the evening shift at a restaurant), while my father works a 9- 5.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • After seeing us struggle so much with finding a babysitter etc. they both offered themselves to look after the kids when we were working.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • We offered some compensation and my mom laughed and said she would never accept and the whole purpose was helping us not have to pay for babysitting.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • We gladly accepted and we were VERY grateful, but soon it was obvious it wasn't working.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • Even when we told them we would be back at around 10 pm, they'd call us numerous times at like 8pm, asking when we'd be back.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • They'd be in the absolute worst mood when we came back, only to then tell the kids they couldn't wait to watch them again.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • A woman stands next to a kitchen island with her hand on her hip while a man prepares food on it in the background
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A woman stands next to a kitchen island with her hand on her hip while a man prepares food on it in the background

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • We talked to them and told them this was obviously not something they could handle. We did not blame them because of it, and told them we were already actively looking for other solutions.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • They were very offended by this, and the passive aggressive attitude began, reaching ridiculous levels when we told them due to us having to go back to relying on paid childcare, we'd cancel the beach vacation we booked for us all, them included, this summer.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • We originally planned this vacation including them because we wanted to show gratitude for the help they were offering.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • We initially wanted to gift them a vacation for themselves, but they told us they would've loved if we got to spend a vacation all together.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • Now, with us having to consider the expense of childcare, the vacation would impact too much on our pockets.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • That is, a vacation for everyone. So we cancelled it and are just going to go for a weekend on a different location, solely for the kids.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • My parents are incredibly upset about this. They asked if this also means they won't get to babysit anymore and I said yes, if we hire somebody, we 're fully using their service.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • Both my mom and my dad are acting as if we took the kids and went to live on Mars or something, and my mom told her best friend I'm SO MEAN and used the vacation to punish her.
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • I'm now feeling a bit guilty and thinking maybe I should pay for them to go alone anyway?
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • I don't know what to think anymore, honestly
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • A little girl laughs while sat between her grandparents inside at night
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A little girl laughs while sat between her grandparents inside at night

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • magicsusan42 NTA I would lay it all out on the table for them. I feel like there has been some kind of mismatch of communication somewhere, that's assuming all parties are acting in good faith. Did you point out how their behavior looks and feels to you from your perspective? What was their response? Also, I would try gently asking the older child what it's like for him at the grandparents. Good luck **
    via magicsusan42
  • Traditional_Egg8695 Original Poster's Reply Thank you! We had long talks with them about the non stop calling and their snappiness whenever they babysat. They said they were probably too tired that specific day, apologised, but then it would just get worse the next time. Our eldest actually told us he feels like grandma and grandpa don't want to be with them. I think my mom is going through menopause because I've noticed too she's very moody lately, and my son must've also picked up on it
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • ash_yooung NTA. I would be honest and say my perspective. Many times I thought my mother would be able to handle to take care of my little one. Every time she's proven me she got no clue, because I do know she neglected me a loooot when I was a child. Not sure of your parents, but in my life, it seems there is this pattern grandparents barely know how to take care of children. And your job is demanding. I did hospitality in the past, I didn't have the time to look at my phone. If you layed out y
    via ash_yooung
  • Traditional_Egg8695 Original Poster's Reply Yep, nailed it. My parents never really "parented me". They were workaholics and I was always either alone or with a random friend of theirs. I do not blame them in the slightest for it. I'm grateful for all the sacrifices they have made. In a way, I grew to be who I am because I learned to be independent at a young age, so it's not that big of a deal tbh. For me, at least
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • Basic-Priority5815 NTA-I do think that if you were planning to do this as a thank you and can't afford it you should still do something nice for them (they were saving you money maybe a trip to the spa one weekend or something. It's hard to do because they offered to help then complained. So now you know that they can't baby sit however you can still say if you want them on a Friday afternoon it's ok.
    via Basic-Priority5815
  • Traditional_Egg8695 Original Poster's Reply Thanks for your suggestion! About the occasional babysitting, to be honest at this point we don't feel comfortable anymore. Our son also told us he feels like he's unwanted by them (my mom knows and cried a lot bc of it). I feel bad because I really don't want to punish them. Ofc my son not feeling wanted is the main reason, but to be completely sincere the other reason why I don't feel ok with letting them babysit again is I now feel anxious that I ha
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • Sinnes-loeschen My mother-in-law refuses to take HRT and has basically been going through a prolonged menopause. The mood swings are worse than my teenage daughter's.
    via Sinnes-loeschen
  • Traditional_Egg8695 Original Poster's Reply My mother too refuses to do anything about it and says she's just fine. I have both her and my dad instructions on how to get her checked up properly and she's been dragging it for a while
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • hihello1820 They need the money to go back to paying for child care services so they can no longer afford it since they won't be watching the kids anymore for free. To me that is a valid reason
    via hihello1820
  • Craving-Fruit I agree with this point. Especially because you're still going on vacation without them...
    via Craving-Fruit
  • Traditional_Egg8695 Original Poster's Reply I'm only going because it would be way more unfair if the kids couldn't go. They deserve time off and a vacation more than anyone involved, I say
    via Traditional_Egg8695
  • wildtex- Why can't the grandparents chip in and still go? Seems like there wasn't much of an attempt at compromise or communication. If it was about the money why wasn't any of that mentioned... seems more like a punishment.
    via wildtex-
  • Traditional_Egg8695 Original Poster's Reply They don't want to chip in; when I was little, we absolutely never went on vacation, because to them spending on vacations is pointless and a waste of money
    via Traditional_Egg8695

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family drama grandchildren babysitting family grandparents parents vacation
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