30-year-old parents donate their 3-year-old son's gifts after Grandma refuses to call him by the right name

Do you think this is the right parenting tactic — giving away all of your kid's gifts if the name is incorrect? 

If there's one thing grandparents find adorable, it's creating monogrammed stuff for their grandkids. This is especially cute when the child is very little: wrapping up little Isabelle in a tiny bathrobe with her name on it is just adorable, and handing little Braxton his monogrammed backpack for his first day of pre-K will leave the grandparents with huge smiles on their faces. 

But look, grandparents can also be a tad bit pushy when it comes to the grandkids. They think they know best, no matter what! But do they really? 

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  • Little boy in blue pants, white shirt, and straw hat looks surprised while walking on the beach.
    via Getty Images

    Little boy in blue pants, white shirt, and straw hat looks surprised while walking on the beach.

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Am I wrong for giving away gifts because they had the wrong name?

    My husband (30) and I (30) have a 3yo son together. My inlaws have a tradition where they take their dad's middle name as their first name and they go by their middle name.
    via Pikahearts_
  • For example, my husband's name is West Allen and he goes by Allen and our son is Allen Dean and he would go by Dean. I was happy to be part of the tradition since I
    via Pikahearts_
  • Grandma reads to her grandchildren while they wear matching yellow clothes.
    via Getty Images

    Grandma reads to her grandchildren while they wear matching yellow clothes.

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • knew it meant a lot to my husband and in- laws. His middle name came from my grandpa. I was happy but also felt like his name wasn't his own.
    via Pikahearts_
  • We didn't tell anyone until my son was born that although his legal name is still Allen Dean, he would go by AD. I can't express how happy I am to call him AD and luckily most
    via Pikahearts_
  • people were happy too, except one. Before he was born, my mom was so excited she got custom made everything with the
    via Pikahearts_

  • This was a little shortsighted of Grandmom, but clearly she was just excited

    name Dean on it. I accepted them not knowing until later that we would be calling him AD. My mom was clearly upset when we told her but I assured her that I would still
    via Pikahearts_
  • use the items since it was so last minute. I did not realize at the time that this would be a continued issue with my mom. She call him Dean whenever he was near her and in
    via Pikahearts_
  • turn had our distanced family who communicated through her call him Dean as well. After a few months of this, I finally asked why she wont call him AD and
    via Pikahearts_
  • she said it was because she had a resident when she worked at a nursing home named AD and he was mean and ugly to her and she can only think of that old man
    via Pikahearts_

  • This is an unkind thing to say when someone tells you why something is upsetting to them

    when she hears the name. She hadnt worked in that nursing home in years and only worked for 3 years there. I told her that was crazy but she refused to budge.
    via Pikahearts_

    If she "only" worked there for 3 years, that's still potentially 3 years of dealing with a terrible patient. That's a long, long time! 

  • Years later and not only does she still call him Dean but she still gets custom things with his name and even though I made it clear that he is AD, she still gets him shirts and
    via Pikahearts_
  • things with Dean on them. I told her to her face that he wont wear them at my house and she just gets upset and says just use them as play clothes if I hate them so much. I end
    via Pikahearts_
  • up throwing all the items in a pile in his closet. Last week I was cleaning out his closet and finally decided to toss out all the items. I
    via Pikahearts_

  • I can't believe they tattled to Grandmom about this!

    put it altogether and posted on a Mom Facebook group if anyone had a little Dean that would want the items. Someone in the group was friends with my mom and
    via Pikahearts_
  • apparently asked her about the items. My mom was furious and messaged me asking why I was getting rid of all her stuff. I told her that I have explained plenty of times that I
    via Pikahearts_

  • This is a no-win situation I fear

    wasnt going to use this stuff and she refused to keep it so I was giving it to someone that would. She argued with me for a long time and I eventually gave up replying. Later I got
    via Pikahearts_

    Neither party is 100% in the right here, and they may never agree on what the kid should be called. At least someday, hopefully, he can tell them with clarity what he actually prefers to be called. 

  • a call from my grandpa saying that I upset her and that I should be grateful for the custom items. I told him that my MIL got him custom items too and they have AD on them
    via Pikahearts_
  • without issue. I said its not that I'm not grateful it is that she is selfish. He tried to convince me to apologize to her and i refused. My sister and one of my brothers
    via Pikahearts_
  • also agreed with mom but I tell them all the same thing.
    via Pikahearts_

  • Let's just say that there was no sympathy given to the parents here

    Ok_Break6916 So, the tradition in your husband's family is to call him dean, you're thrilled about this tradition, the tradition is very important to your husband and in-laws, the name is your grandpa's,
    via Pikahearts_

    And that's putting it mildly. People thought that the parents were being pretty uncharitable (despite donating clothes with their kid's name on it). 

  • BUT you chose to call your son by a nickname and you're acting weird with your mother because she calls your son the name you actually gave him? YTA
    via Pikahearts_

  • Now this is some solid advice

    kimba-the-tabby... Children shouldn't wear clothing with their name on it; it enables strangers to approach them using their name and maybe convince them they are friends of the family.
    via Pikahearts_

    I've always thought that anything monogrammed is more or less destined for the trash. It's so cute in the moment, but the odds that someone else has your initials or name, and also wants your used clothing, is sort of slim. It's up to each person individually to decide if they mind that aspect of the purchase or not. 

  • So throw out all the Dean & AD clothes. The only people who should know your child's name (or names used by some family members) are people who have been introduced. ESH (except little AD!)
    via Pikahearts_

    And thanks to this person who noted how important this could be as a safety hazard. Now that the parents know, perhaps it'll put the whole issue to bed for good. Instead of monogrammed clothing, the parents will just have to roll their eyes at birthday cards addressed to Dean instead of A.D.

  • Tragica DeSpell ESH except for the baby. OP for forcing this nickname on her son and acting like it's so amazing. OP's mom for buying personalized junk that no one wants or needs. OP's husband and family for perpetuating this lame naming convention.
    via Pikahearts_
  • Grandma dotes on her 3-year-old toddler grandson as he eats a snack.
    via Getty Images

    Grandma dotes on her 3-year-old toddler grandson as he eats a snack.

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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