Aunt finds 19-year-old niece's bank statements, demands niece give her a monthly loan after discovering her savings account, niece refuses: ‘I'm tired of helping you out’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Apr 6, 2026 5:00 PM EDT

What is family for if not to "loan" each other money whenever someone finds themselves in yet another debt?

That is a question the mother and aunt in the story below are probably thinking to themselves every time they come running to their 19-year-old daughter and ask her for more money.

When one grows up in a financially unstable household, one must find a way to become financially independent as soon as possible. That is why 16-year-old kids find a minimum wage job at their local McDonald's just so that they won't have to ask their parents for money to buy new sneakers, and as soon as they are old enough to get out of the house, they leave and never look back.

That is basically the case for the 19-year-old college student below. At 17, she was already helping her mom with rent, and at 18, she completely moved out of the house and started paying for her own life. Yet even now, at 19, she still sends her mom and her aunt "loans" to help them as much as possible, even though she knows she will never see that money again.

After emptying her savings account once to help pay for her mom's credit card debt, the daughter decided to keep her finances a secret. She didn't tell her family how much money she puts into savings each month, in hopes that she can secretly save without being demanded to give away the money to her financially irresponsible mom and aunt.

Unfortunately for the young adult, her aunt found her bank statements and learned all about the secret savings account. It wasn't long before she started accusing her niece of withholding that information on purpose, and demanding she increase the monthly loan she already gives away…

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  • If it were up to the daughter, she wouldn't have given another penny to her mom and aunt… So it's a good thing it is totally up to her, and she can decide what to do with every last drop of the money she works so hard for. 

    But is she brave enough to stand up against her demanding family? That remains to be seen…

  • Woman sitting at a desk with a calculator and a laptop.
    via Andy Quezada

    Woman sitting at a desk with a calculator and a laptop.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • AITA for lying to my family about how much money I have?

    For context: I'm 19F, and grew up in an extremely poor family, with my mom, aunt, and grandma.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • We are a very small family, and although things have moderately improved, everyone is still lower class.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • I went to uni at 17, and started receiving student loans, my aunt start asking me for loans regularly.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • While I lived with my mom, i paid around $400 a month for rent and helped out with things like car insurance.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • I had to move out at 18 due to constant arguing and strains on my mental health, and since then she has also occasionally been asking for loans.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • After I moved out, I got a part time minimum wage job to help with the rent and my car, and while i'm not great at saving, I've been trying to put away small amounts each month with the hopes of saving for a deposit on a house.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • At one point, my mom confessed to me she had maxed out her credit cards, and I ended up emptying my savings both helping her and giving my aunt loans of $200+ at a time, some of which I never saw back.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • After this, I told them I wouldn't be able to help them so much anymore. Except recently, they ended up back in exact same situation.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • Woman using a calculator with papers on the table.
    via Centre for Ageing Better

    Woman using a calculator with papers on the table.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I've replenished a good amount of my saving, but after a long talk with my grandma, who has also been giving them loans, she urged me to keep my savings private.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • So for the last 6 months, I've still given them smaller amounts, telling them that's all I can afford.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • Last week, my aunt was helping me with something on my laptop, and I had left open a statement from my savings account.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • She blew up at me over lying, and when my mom found out, she did the same, saying if I can afford things like my tattoos, the club, and other nonessentials, then I should be able to afford helping my family out.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • Neither of them have talked to me for over a week, saying that I've turned my back on the family, so they can do the same.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • I feel so guilty, but I'm so tired of helping them out of a situation that they keep returning to.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • Am I supposed to never enjoy myself because they can't get out of debt? Am I just being selfish here?
    via unwantedtrazh
  • Less-Assistance-7575 Imagine how embarrassed you'd be, at their age, relying on a 19 year old to get you by in life. They should be ashamed.
    via Less-Assistance-7575
  • unwantedtrazh Original Poster's Reply The silver lining at least is that I'm very motivated to never end up in that situation. Its great motivation for exam season, hopefully I can be the one to start a better life and be a good example for any future children.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • limagineU Keep bailing them out. They will never learn. You will be broke. They don't give AF about you. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
    via limagineU
  • Prudent_Border5060 Its time for you to grow up. Your family is leaching off you. And your letting them. Stop with the loans. Stop being the family piggy bank. Because they will never help you when you end up on the streets. And I am going to say something harsher. But because you have no fall back with family you have to watch yoir spending even more. Protect yourself and build a true savings. Yta to yourself.
    via Prudent_Border5060
  • unwantedtrazh Original Poster's Reply I very honestly appreciate the harshness. I was the first in my family to even attend uni, so I've never had any advice from anyone but friends (who are all from much better financial situations than I am). This post has gotten so many comments already it's crazy, but I've definitely resolved to be much more smart with my money from now on. It's time for someone to end this cycle.
    via unwantedtrazh
  • A_Dog_Chasing_Cars INFO: What are the origins of your family's debts? Do they run out of money because of reasonable stuff (bills, bad economy, medical expenses etc.) or do they waste it on bad choices and stuff they can't afford? And how badly did they need the money, when they blew up at you? Also, what did they say to you, when they blew up?
    via A_Dog_Chasing_Cars
  • unwantedtrazh Original Poster's Reply Bad decisions on both sides. I feel horrible criticising my family, but for my mom she has this obsession with buying machines (like ice cream makers, expensive slushie machines, etc) on her credit card and never using them. My aunt is more of a mix, she struggles to get a well paying job, but any money she does have is usually wasted on gambling. The money my mom needs is because the period to pay back her credit cards without more interest is ending, while
    via unwantedtrazh
  • CaptKeemau THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED!! NTA! You're putting away a few bucks in case you have an emergency !! Being responsible doesn't make you obligated to bail out the irresponsible !
    via CaptKeemau
  • Kooky-Whereas-2493 Neither of them have talked to me for over a week," sounds like a win to me its never anybodys business how much money you have NTA
    via Kooky-Whereas-2493
  • ShapeShiftingCats NTA look up financial/economic ab_e It doesn't matter if their ask is reasonable, you are not responsible for them. In fact, you are starting your life, if anything they should help you. It's selfish of them to expect help from someone who is merely starting in life.
    via ShapeShiftingCats

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bank family drama kids mother parenting bank account loan aunt family savings money women parents children
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