Groom wants to decline all wedding gifts from his family because he sees them as 'unnecessarily social obligations'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 10, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

Are wedding gifts actually a burden in disguise?

Sometimes gifts can feel like an obligation, especially with family. They can feel like a big deal- like you have to make a big show of accepting it and then giving something in return. It can be an over-the-top type of performance that you would rather just avoid altogether. But traditions are traditions for a reason, and who are you to say no to something that is done out of love? It seems like a pretty first-world problem that we should do our best to get a little perspective on. It might cause more issues in our lives to say no to them than to say yes. 

The man in this story had a lot to say when it came to gift-giving. He was the type of person who put up a lot of barriers in his life. He wanted things to be a certain way and was pragmatic to a fault. He saw his wedding as a matter of pure function, not something to be celebrated. He wanted to keep it as low-key as possible, and his bride-to-be agreed with that mindset. When you're getting married, though, you're kind of the center of attention, whether you wanted to be or not. You might as well lean into it and get some free stuff out of the ordeal, especially if your family is offering. But the man in this story, for whatever reason, didn't see it that way. 

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  • A person wraps a present on a decorated table
    via Jornada Produtora

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • WIBTA for declining all wedding gifts?

    Before I get deep into this I need to explain two things. 1. I am getting married this summer. I've been with my future wife for 8 years, we've lived together for 5 of those years. Neither of us believes in marriage, we are only doing it because it will be easier for me to adopt her 10 year old son if we are married.
    via jsilv0
  • 2. Declining wedding gifts from my side of the family is perfectly fine with my soon to be wife. I asked her about it and she said its up to me how we handle that with my side of the family.
    via jsilv0
  • We are having a very small wedding, immediate family only. Guest list is about 15 people total. Imo my family is way too excited about this wedding. They're all talking about how much they look forward to it even though I've explained to them its a wedding for a specific purpose and not something we're doing because we've softened our stance on marriage. In fact, we've talked about potentially getting divorced legally as soon as the adoption is completed.
    via jsilv0
  • Multiple members of my family have stated they plan on giving us large wedding presents. I have told them already thank you but you don't have to do that. They reply well we already did for your sister its only fair we do for you. I said I don't care about fair I don't want it. Plus, my sister had a large expensive wedding so their gifts helped pay for that. We are not having a large or expensive wedding.
    via jsilv0
  • hate gifts in general. I get no joy from giving or receiving presents on things like birthdays or Christmas. To me they're unnecessary social obligations in a world already filled with too many unnecessary social obligations.
    via jsilv0
  • My soon to be wife and I are financially pretty well off. In fact other than my uncle, we're more financially well off than the family members offering these large gifts. There's no reason for us to receive these gifts other than they want to give them, but we don't want them.
    via jsilv0
  • WIBTA for definitively saying we will not be accepting gifts of any kind for our wedding?
    via jsilv0

  • Is it really so bad to be showered with gifts from the people who love you? They wouldn't do it if they didn't want to, and gifts aren't solely about the receiver. They're also about the giver. It makes them feel good to give things, so you should allow them to do it. Stopping them from giving you something doesn't make you humble; it makes them uncomfortable. That was the issue at the core of this story, and commenters had a lot to say to the man in question. Keep reading to see what everyone had to say and see what you think about it.

  • Commenters gave their opinions and thoughts.

    Competitive_Test6697 Remember and use this stuff in your vows. Does 10 year old actually enjoy Christmas with you 2?
    via Competitive_Test6697
  • jsilvo Original Poster's Reply Yea, he likes Christmas. We buy him a bunch of stuff and have some Christmas things we do for him. I don't let my personal feelings towards the holiday interfere with him or his happiness
    via jsilv0
  • Familiar-Dark-4831 NTA, but if guests are insistent, perhaps name a charity you support that they could donate to
    via Familiar-Dark-4831
  • A bride and groom walk down the stairs at a coutrhouse
    via Martin Baron

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • jsilvo Original Poster's Reply Fantastic idea. I think this is what I'll do. Thank you
    via jsilv0
  • NewLife_21 In another comment, OP states the wedding is at the courthouse. The families wanted to witness the vows and it is easier to let them come than fight their attendance. As someone who does foster care and adoptions, I can attest that in the US, it's still easier and less paperwork for a married couple to adopt than an unmarried couple.
    via NewLife_21
  • jsilvo Original Poster's Reply Oh look someone who actually know what they are talking about. Thank you
    via jsilv0
  • issy_haatin > I get no joy from giving or receiving presents on things like birthdays or Christmas. To me they're unnecessary social obligations in a world already filled with too many unnecessary social obligations. Why adopt? Why be in a relationship? Why even bother with anything? You sound exhausting, the whole "were just getting divorced after" just sounds... Wow. YTA
    via issy_haatin
  • keesouth YTA you sound like a person who's working hard to not only be miserable but also stop the people around your from experiencing joy.
    via keesouth
  • DarkHorseAsh111 YWBTA. This is extremely r de. Like, outrageously, outrageously r_de. Ppl love you. they want to give you gifts to show their love and how happy they are for you. Get the f over your superiority complex.
    via DarkHorseAsh111
  • Fireworks-Allowed I'm starting to feel sorry for the 10 year old.
    via Fireworks-Allowed
  • RedSquirrelyGirly Why not have an adoption party when it's official and tell them to give gifts to the child for that instead?
    via RedSquirrelyGirly
  • Infinite-Willow-6255 You sound like you are the life of every party, wow what a miserable existence
    via Infinite-Willow-6255
  • Original_Pen3443 I got depr sed reading this. Are you a bot who has little joy in life? My word!
    via Original_Pen3443
  • Edit: Donations to charities and a college fund for my soon to be son are great ideas. My son's education is already taken care of but charitable donations are a great idea Edit 2: We are having a courthouse wedding. Our families just want to be there so we are allowing them to be there
    via jsilv0
  • Edit 3: People are only invited because my soon to be wife wants her mom there. Mainly because if she got married and her mom wasn't there her mom would he very hurt. My family will be mad if hers can be there and they aren't invited so we're inviting them. The invitations on my part are all to make other people including my future wife happy, not for me.
    via jsilv0
  • Edit 4: I'm not going to respond to comments about the marriage or potential divorce or things like that. Those aren't the question being asked.
    via jsilv0

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Wedding Themes family drama marriage wedding party wedding story brides family weddings
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