‘Bro, you have a couple of freeloaders on your payroll’: Woman moves states, keeps her name on her old lease to help her ex and best friend, spends 4 months chasing late bill payments, and considers taking her name off it

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Apr 14, 2026 8:30 AM EDT

Moving to a new state for a great job after graduating is supposed to be a clean start. New city, new apartment, new chapter. What is less glamorous is spending the next four months sending payment reminders to your ex and your best friend so they can reimburse you for a lease you no longer live on, in an apartment you have not set foot in since you left.


The bills-as-friendship logic is genuinely impressive. The idea that keeping someone's name attached to bills, utilities, and whatever else is a way to stay close is one of the more creative reframes of a pretty straightforward financial arrangement. Staying in touch usually means texting. It does not usually mean a monthly anxiety spiral about whether your credit score is about to take damage because two adults cannot Venmo on time.

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  • Woman with glasses reading tablet on couch in bright living room, relaxed and focused.
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    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • WIBTA if I took my name off the lease and make my ex roommates pay their own rent

    I (23f) use to live with my roommate (21f) and my now ex boyfriend (24m). I moved a state away after graduating from college because of an AMAZING job opportunity.
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  • My boyfriend at the time broke it off 3 days before I moved even though we were going to move together.
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  • I know he wasn't excited and I was anxious but I didn't show it because he was dealing with his own emotions and at this time of the relationship I didn't trust to open up without judgement.
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  • Anyway, to the ex roommate. She's still someone I trust and would share ANYTHING with. She still lives with my ex but has enough respect to live in somewhat peace but enough loyalty she made him cry after telling him the reality of what he did to me.
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  • I am frustrated with the both of them, however... since I'm out of college and I could afford my previous living quarters rent, doesn't mean I should.
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  • I give the two of them a reminder around 5 days before rent is due, so they can pay me and I can put it in my account.
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  • HOWEVER, every month that I've been gone, they haven't paid any bills on time. Maybe once or twice my ex has, but not on the day I send the message the first time.
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  • I'll send a reminder the day that rent comes out, and then continuously remind them. For context: I lived in that apartment with a previous relationship hence why I got my roommate.
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  • Woman wearing glasses sits on a couch, smiling while using a laptop in a bright living room.
    via A. C.

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Then I got into a serious relationship after that. I have not lived in that apartment for over 4 months but my ex roommate told me it's a way we can check in and keep in touch if my name is still on ALL of the bills.
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  • I might be the a_hole because I feel more like a landlord than a friend now.
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  • In my defense and her defense, she's been depr sed since my ex and I breaking up along with her own breakup of her 3 year relationship with her best friend of many years.
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  • I'm worried she's gone into a deep depre son and I do genuinely worry about her (I've been depr sed on my own so I get it).
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  • But also I NEEDED her after my breakup... I can't help if she doesn't let me in and also I was going through my own stuff so I felt I could relate.
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  • She's recognized she's left me when I was most vulnerable and now I'm fine with that... BUT... at this time I feel completely disrespected by her and my ex.
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  • Her and my ex don't pay the rent they have at the old apartment. I did not have the expectation that my ex would stay and pay my part (I am on the lease, he's not, and he's lived there for free for basically a year).
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  • This relationship here has a few layers worth appreciating. The ex was living there for free for basically a year before the breakup, which means the transition from boyfriend to late-paying tenant was almost seamless. He did not even have to change his behavior. He just changed his relationship status and kept not contributing on schedule. The roommate, who is genuinely loved and genuinely struggling, has managed to turn a credit liability into an emotional tether by framing it as a check-in system. It is hard to be too mad about it and also it is a little maddening.

  • But since he decided to stay, the agreement was that they would pay me so I could pay their bills.
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  • This is to prevent them from losing the month to month lease, whereas if I had left the lease, they would be stuck in it for a year.
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  • They don't pay me on time though. I can't NOT pay it because with it in my name, it could affect my credit.
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  • The part that does not get enough attention is what is actually at stake. This is not just an inconvenience. Late reimbursements on a thousand-dollar payment affect a savings account, a debt repayment plan, a carefully built budget. Someone out here trying to pay off 75k in student loans in three years is not operating with a lot of margin for other people's inconsistency. The interest loss on two weeks of delayed savings is small in absolute terms but it is not the point. The point is that it happens every single month without fail.

  • I'm not the most financially savvy, I still treat myself weekly with nice food or since I can afford clothes I've gotten rid of clothing I've had for 5+ years to replace them with new ones.
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  • IM NOT PERFECT! However, not getting paid by them on time and it's not just a few days... sometimes it's WEEKS.
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  • So instead of putting that 1k into my APY (annual percentage yield) savings, I'm having it taken away and not reimbursed.
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  • An extra 2 weeks of $1k a month in savings... the interest isn't large but also it's like my fudgin money!
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  • Money does not override my friendship but when it's overdue EVERY MONTH.... It's frustrating for me... because my budget is based on two paychecks and how I spend is based on biweekly for bills, food, and a portion of fun money while adding to my savings and paying off student debt (I plan to pay off 75k of debt in 3 years).
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  • So having that is important to me. I feel like enough is enough... I still have some belongings at the old apartment but it was so then my ex roommate had a bed, dresser, and desk for when she moved in so she didn't need to move in furniture.
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  • I'd understand me paying part of the bills but that's not what was discussed. Heck I even wanted to sell my dining room table but couldn't because her and my ex wanted it for when I moved out.
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  • So... I've thought... maybe it's time the bills get transferred to my ex roommate's name (she's also on the lease so she can) without me getting off the lease to frick them over.
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  • Taking your name off the bills is not abandoning a friendship. It's just acknowledging that you already moved out.

     

  • WIBTA for taking my name off the bills and telling her she needs to put her name on them or pay manually?
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  • I'd be happy to help her set it up but I'm so done being responsible. I'll gladly give updates as common comments come in!
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  • P.S. I apologize for the title, I meant the bills not the lease, however should I consider this with the fact I could get into trouble if they catch on that my ex is living there instead?
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  • Practical_Tax_8259 Bro you have a couple of freeloaders on your payroll...no | get these are people that mean something to you..but do they see you in the same light as well? You need to tell them this isn't working out, give an ultimatum because you aren't paying a single dime for them unless they pay you on time..also if you are close friends you will talk to each other regardless of bill talks, the reason your friend gave to keep the bills in your name was a bit sus...
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  • blondeheartedgoddess You do not need the bills to stay in your name to keep in touch with these people. That's not how friendship works. If you want to stay in contact, you pick up your phone (that so many people don't use as such anymore. That's just weird to me.) and call them. Or you write them an email. Or you go really old school and send an actual letter. That's how friendship works. Not whatever this is. Do you enjoy being their surrogate mom? Do you enjoy them slacking off on the bills b
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  • Individual_Cloud7656 YTA for not taking your name off the bills. The only reason they want your name on them is because it would still be your responsibility. Take your name off the bills today!! You got this!!
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  • just_mark you are the idiot for still having your name on the lease after you moved. There is NO upside for you. Get yourself separate from this ASAP NTA
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  • Flashy_Leg3913 NTA from what I read. Maybe give the ex RMate a 1 month heads-up that they need to get the utilities in their name. Offer to help with the transfers up to the ex RMate then. After you tell them contact the offices to close out your accounts the end of the service period. Good luck
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  • SpecialModus Operandi nTA You no longer live there - get your name off everything. Let them know. If you want to stay in touch create a group chat.
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  • jubblenuts God...i really hate it when people are this naive and trusting...but then i remember i was also 20 years old once.
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  • janice2705050 I would tell them you have to get these bills off of your credit and help them go online to change the name. Tell them you are taking your name off by the end of this billing cycle. Then contact the landlord tell them you have moved and want your name off the lease. If she is truly a friend and just not a leech it will work out. Otherwise find a new grown up adult to be friends with.
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  • Samoyedfun NTA. Take your name off those bills. Notify your landlord to take your name off the lease too.
    via FrannyBow122

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friendship living with friends ex girlfriend housemate renting roommates apartment
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