In-laws invite themselves on 31 and 36-year-old couple's 2-week vacation, don't understand when they refuse

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 25, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

Would you go on vacation with your in-laws?

Maybe you love the people in your family, but there are limits to the time that you want to spend with them. For example, if you've been planning a vacation for some time with your significant other, you probably don't want your in-laws showing up and ruining everything. A family vacation is completely different than a partner vacation. It becomes less of a vacation and more of a trip. It's not unreasonable to want to protect your peace and keep your time to yourself. If you're not careful, then they might take too much of your time, and then you'll end up living your life in order to protect others, not for your own sanity.

That's what happened in this story, where a pair of in-laws just wouldn't take 'no' for an answer. They wanted to invite themselves on a vacation that they shouldn't have been on. As a rule, you should try not to invite yourself anywhere. It's not a very becoming thing to do, no matter who you are. We should all be a little more like vampires and ask to be invited in. The parents in this story should have taken the note and let up a little before their time. It's not always easy to deal with in-laws, and these ones were no exception. You can have all the love in the world for them and still get frustrated at the way they treat you. 

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  • A woman covers a mans face in a tropical location
    via Chermiti Mohamed

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Am I in the wrong because I don't want to go on a two week family trip with my parents?

    I (31F) am married and my husband (36M) and I were planning on visiting my home. country to explore and holiday for a couple of weeks. My immigrant parents caught wind and are now insisting that we turn this into a family trip during which we could "travel altogether while they show my husband around".
    via Previous_Paramedic99
  • This is very nice sounding in theory, but my husband and I are very active people who were planning a trip with quite specifc experiences (hiking a volcano, walking in the towns for hours, etc). My mother on the other hand is barely mobile - she does not have any kind of disability, she is just quite overwieght and refuses to walk. Not even like 750 meters.
    via Previous_Paramedic99
  • I called my mother privately and told her that after speaking together, my husband and I would love to see them for a bit and we could plan to spend some time together for five days while the remainder of the trip we part ways and do our own thing, since now that we are adults, our styles of travel are quite different - and the fact that this will be our only holiday for the year!
    via Previous_Paramedic99
  • My mother said this was devastating and not at all what she imagined and that if we would only see each other for five days then she is not interested in going. I said that that was her decision, but we could speak more in depth with my father and my husband this weekend as I am about to go for a long run...
    via Previous_Paramedic99
  • I honestly feel so annoyed and low-key just feel like saying please don't even come lol. AMITA? How would you go about this while hurting feelings the least?
    via Previous_Paramedic99
  • **Just to add a little context since some people have brought it up: - My parents are quite well off and have even offered to pay for the entire trip. My husband and I politely and firmly declined from the very beginning.
    via Previous_Paramedic99
  • - Despite my mothers poor health, my parents are quite young, my father is very active and athletic and caters to my mother hand and foot. They don't need caretakers. - I want to be gentle about this because to my parents this is one of the first family trips we "would" be able to take in decades as I moved away to a
    via Previous_Paramedic99
  • different continent to pursue a career and have returned to the Americas for work only semi- recently, and I think this is their way of "making up for lost time", completely unnecessary in my POV, and unwanted due to our different travel styles.
    via Previous_Paramedic99

  • Commenters had all sorts of ideas about how to deal with this kind of in-law. Unfortunately, it's a situation that a lot of us have had to deal with over the years. We've all built up defenses around how to deal with our families. We've gotten to know how they tick, so we know how to deal with them when problems arise. But this doesn't always work. So sometimes we need some outside opinions to help clear up what's in our heads. Keep reading to see what happened in this story and see what you think about it.

  • A stressed woman talks on the phone on her couch
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Commenters gave their support to this couple.

    Teamtunafish NTA. This is not her trip, it is yours. Keep your original schedule.
    via Teamtunafish
  • amandner She is now not interested in going on the trip she hijacked. Cool, back to regularly scheduled programming for you, NTA.
    via amandner
  • Far_Information_... NTA. Just keep smiling and saying the same thing over and over in your customer service voice like you work in HR.
    via Far_Information_9613
  • Snackinpenguin NTA. They want a chauffeur and guide as they're wanting to return to see the home country but not if they have to do it alone. Your approach makes sense, they are wanting to turn your trip into one that caters to their needs and limitations.
    via Snackinpenguin
  • Hold firm. You can find other opportunities to catch up with her - whether within the home country or elsewhere.
    via Snackinpenguin
  • teresajs NTA Explain that you and your husband have limited PTO and have already made plans for things both you and your husband really want to do, many of which may not be suitable for your parents due to their age and health.
    via teresajs
  • Politely refuse to give Mom and Dad any more details about your travel dates, hotels, and plans. If you give them your flight details, expect that they will show up for those same flights and expect to have you and your husband carry their bags. If you give them your hotel information, expect to
    via teresajs
  • find that they have requested to have an adjoining room. Offer them only the information you are willing to share: "If you want to meet up with us, we're willing to change our plans to meet up with you in X City on Y dates."
    via teresajs
  • You don't mention their financial situation, but don't offer to pay for anything for them. And don't agree to stop off at the homes of extended family members or old friends, nor should you stuff your suitcases full of gifts to take to others. Also, don't make any of their reservations or bookings. If your parents wish to do this, it's on them to do it.
    via teresajs
  • Be polite, but firm. This is your trip that you and your husband planned and you will only change those five days if your parents wish to meet up with you. Period. You could cheerily add that they could take time before or after meeting up with you to do all the things that you and Husband might be less. interested in doing.
    via teresajs
  • Ok_Homework_7... You should not be gentle because your mother is being immature and manipulative. She's trying to guilt you into sacrificing your only holiday for her, without giving anything in return. She will take it all or reject you completely, acting out
    via Ok_Homework_7
  • until she gets her way. That's toxic and she needs to learn it will not be tolerated and this behaviour will get her less time, not more. She doesn't care about what would be good for you and your marriage as long as she is in control. Put your foot down and don't let her get away with manipulation.
    via Ok_Homework_7
  • 295Phoenix Looks like your mom is more interested in hijacking your trip than being a part of it. NTA go back to your original plan.
    via 295Phoenix
  • Worldly-Ad3211 Huge NTA. Going with your parents sounds like the trip from hell. I wouldn't even worry about not hurting their feelings. They tried to hijack your trip, so they can deal with how they feel.
    via Worldly-Ad3211
  • different-take4u NTA. I would not be concerned about hurt feelings. Your mother was the invasive one by even suggesting a joint trip. Piggy backing upon your holiday and then having the audacity to want y'all to plan
    via different-take4u
  • on a low activity vacation to cater to her? Absolutely not! Do you remember times when you were growing up and your mother wouldn't let you do something you wanted to do? Well, you got over it didn't you? She will get over you making your own plans or her choosing to stay home in protest. You
    via different-take4u
  • cannot feel guilty for the choices others make, we are not responsible for managing other people's feelings.
    via different-take4u

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family dynamics family drama vacations married life marraige in laws family vacation
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