Coworker dominates workplace over manager, new employee struggles to adapt: 'I left feeling embarrassed and intimidated'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 28, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Some workplace dynamics are more complex than they first appear.

Theoretically speaking, it is easy enough to discern who plays what role in the average company. While corporate roles have become increasingly diverse and confusing over the years, there is generally an obvious distinction between upper management, middle management, and the employees who do the grunt work. It's just how things are.

However, things can get a little more complicated when you look past the job titles and start to have experience of what it is people actually do in their jobs. Some don't do enough work to really qualify for whatever role they are supposed to be doing, and others do so much that it seems like they are well overdue for a promotion. Moreover, those who have the most influence aren't always the ones with the fanciest positions and largest salaries; office politics and different personalities can conspire to make unexpected people rise to the top of the workplace totem pole. 

When you are new to a role, figuring out how all the different relationships work in the office can be overwhelming. Once you have a handle on it, it is up to you how you choose to contribute.

Advertisement
  • A smartly dressed female employee looks to the side
    via Getty Image (Unsplash+)

    A smartly dressed female employee looks to the side

  • An employee had been working in a team for five months and felt like the distribution of power was not something that they had expected. They felt like their actual manager took a back seat in certain discussions involving another colleague, who was very forthright and seemed to like being in control.

    They were intimidated by her at times, and they questioned why she should have the influence that she did if she was not a manager. They also were not sure if they were OK to work with her in this position. They felt like they needed some guidance on how to navigate a professional situation that they had not really come across before.

  • How do you navigate a team where one colleague seems to have more influence than the manager?

    I am trying to understand whether I am dealing with a challenging team dynamic or whether I simply need to adjust my expectations.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • I joined a global team about five months ago. My manager is based in Europe and, on the surface, comes across as approachable, straightforward, and supportive. He regularly encourages open conversations and feedback.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • However, after spending time with the team in person, I've become confused by some of the dynamics and I'm struggling to make sense of them.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • There is one team member who appears to have significant influence within the team. She is heavily involved in discussions around goals, priorities, KPIs, and planning. In itself, I don't have a problem with that. Experienced team members often play an important role in driving discussions.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • What I struggle with is her communication style. In meetings, she can be very direct, dismissive, and, at times, intimidating. It often feels as though she dominates discussions and others hesitate to challenge her views.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • What makes this more difficult for me is my manager's response to these situations. When discussions become one-sided or when this colleague strongly pushes her views, he rarely steps in. He tends to remain silent and allow the conversation to continue.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • I've also noticed that he appears particularly close to this colleague. They have frequent one-on-one discussions, spend a lot of time together during work trips, sit together, go to the gym together, and often seem to operate as a pair. Again, there is nothing inherently wrong with colleagues having a good working relationship, but it does contribute to the perception that her voice carries more weight than others'.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • For example, we recently discussed selecting a team goal. The team voted for one option, while I voted for a different one. Later, this colleague discussed the goals with the manager separately, and the final goal ended up being different from what the team had originally selected. The outcome itself wasn't my concern; what left me confused was how decisions were being made and who was actually making them.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • Another recent example happened during a team discussion. This colleague wanted me to present a topic to the manager. I explained that I wasn't comfortable doing that because I hadn't fully understood the discussion and didn't feel confident representing it accurately. Her response was that I should ask questions when I don't understand. I said to her that fine, and she follows up with saying that when I ask for questions.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • To be fair, she is probably right. If I don't understand something, I should ask. But the way it was delivered felt more like criticism than support, and I left the discussion feeling embarrassed and intimidated.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • What makes all of this challenging is that I'm still new to the team and many of these planning and goal-setting processes are things I've never worked with before. Sometimes I feel as though there are expectations that everyone should already know how these conversations work.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • The part I find most difficult is understanding my manager. In one-on- one conversations, he encourages openness and listens carefully. However, when concerns are raised or difficult team dynamics emerge, I often struggle to understand where he stands, what he thinks, or whether he intends to act. As a result, I find him difficult to read and I'm never quite sure how candid I should be with him.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • I don't want to be the most influential person in the room. I don't mind strong personalities or experienced colleagues taking the lead. What I find difficult is navigating an environment where influence feels concentrated in one person, communication can feel intimidating, and the manager's position isn't always clear.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • A manager wearing a suit laughs as he talks on speakerphone
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A manager wearing a suit laughs as he talks on speakerphone 

  • How would you approach a situation like this? Would you raise your concerns with the manager, focus on adapting, or simply accept that this is the team's culture? Or simply quit if it's unbearable.
    via Relative_Wolverine9
  • Smokedealers84 Most likely she already talk about those thing in 1 on 1 with said. manager so she knows he approved befire even talking, this dynamic s k but yeah seems she is in reality defacto manager.
    via Smokedealers84
  • ThereRnolDs Ignore job titles & the popularity contest. This only happens when they've gotten a really great track record. Focus on learning too instead of comparing.
    via ThereRnoIDs
  • Frustrated Duck Short and to the point answers isn't r de, it's just efficient. Not sure how long you've been working, but the higher up the chain you go the more direct the communication is. Atleast in engineering there are technical leads and managers, which can confusingly be at the same level. The technical lead provides
    via FrustratedDuck
  • technical direction, the manager enables the team and keeps them on track and communicates across the organization for the team. The tech lead might "report" to the manager on the surface but they're at the same level and hold the same influence, this is more so the manager understands what is
    via FrustratedDuck
  • happening and can communicate to other cross functional teams and higher ups what is happening and what is needed.
    via FrustratedDuck
  • pjtexas1 I've been that person before. Been here a long time. Lots of trust from everyone. My words carried a lot of weight. C level would come to me instead of my CIO. it may make more sense over time.
    via pjtexas1

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

work drama employee manager coworkers
Scroll Down For The Next Article