Dad of 5 Offers to Babysit Brother's 4 Kids for 2 Weeks, Brother Protests When He Won't Compromise on Parenting

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 12, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

How much differently should you treat children you are looking after if they are not yours?

One of the tricky things about childcare, especially when you aren't paying for it, is that it is difficult to have full control over how the babysitter in question is going to treat your kids. Everybody has slightly different ideas about what the right way to parent is, and everybody has a different threshold for what they can cope with as well. As a result, there is no guarantee that children are going to get the same treatment from their parents and from others who care for them.

On top of that, there are people out there who have some very strongly held beliefs when it comes to how you should raise kids. Even if they make some sense, they can be hard to abide by if you are somebody with a different parenting style. For any child, going from one style of parenting to another is likely to be a shock to the system, and while this isn't always bad, it can certainly cause some conflict. Ultimately, it is their comfort that is the most important thing to be considered in all of this.

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  • A little girl sitting at a kitchen table looks towards the hands of an adult holding a cereal bowl
    via Artyom Kabajev

    A little girl sitting at a kitchen table looks towards the hands of an adult holding a cereal bowl

  • A dad with five kids offered for him and his wife to take on his brother's four children for two weeks to allow his brother and his wife to take a trip together. The dad had a parenting style that involved a lot of strict rules, and the brother asked him if it would be possible for him to lighten up a little when his kids were staying at his house.

    He refused, claiming that it would be unfair to his children to make things any different for the two weeks that their cousins were there. His brother wasn't happy about this, leading him to wonder if he was too harsh.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to change my parenting style just because my nieces and nephews are staying at my house for 2 weeks?

    I (40M) have 5 children (16M, 14M, 7F, 5F, 1M). My wife (40F) and I are...I don't know if we are strict parents but we definitely are quite strict in comparison to a lot of parents that we know.
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • My teenagers have a curfew (9pm is my 14 year olds curfew, 10pm is my 16 year olds curfew), this curfew can be negotiated by the way if they have an event that lasts longer than their curfew. Limited screen time, we watch a family movie once a week, my teenagers have dumb phones so they
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • don't have social media, my younger kids have no ipads, we do not really ever watch TV apart from movie night. But the older teens are free to watch TV upstairs in the upstairs living room whenever they want. We take away our teenagers phones if they are spending all day on their phones. We allow
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • boredom. Everybody has daily chores. If you make a mess, you clean up that mess before you leave a room. We aren't short ordered cooks, dinner is dinner, if you don't like what's for dinner you can make yourself a sandwich and eat as much fruit or veg as you want. Before bed we have an
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • Two young girls and their mom eat breakfast together at a kitchen table
    via Artyom Kabajev

    Two young girls and their mom eat breakfast together at a kitchen table

  • hour of silent family reading time. Everybody helps cook one night of the week. Family dinner is a necessity, nobody leaves the table until dinner time is over. We don't buy ultra- processed foods, we have delicious snacks but not pre-packaged snacks (My teens are free to buy what they want but my wife and I never buy these
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • foods). Every Sunday we all deep clean the house. Disrespect is not tolerated, if your are disrespectful you lose a privilege and you get given extra chores. Bed time is at 9pm, you don't have to be asleep but nobody is running around the house after 9pm. We are a family who loves being outdoors as much as we can.
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • Next week my brother and his wife are going on a 2 week trip. My wife and I offered to look after their kids (15F, 14M, 10F, 4M) for those 2 weeks. Obviously my brother was thankful but him and his wife have very different parenting styles from us. Whilst my nieces and nephews are living with us, they are me and my wife's responsibility, so naturally we will plan
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • to parent them the same way we parent our own kids. Of course the 15 year old and 14 year old will still have their phones but we will impose the same rules about not spending all day on their phones. We mainly just want to make sure the situation is fair for all the kids. Especially since my nieces and nephews will be staying with us for 2 whole weeks. My 15yo niece and 14yo
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • nephew know the rules and they know they are welcome to stay with other family members if they don't like the rules. My brother called me today and asked me if I could change some of my rules because he doesn't parent his kids the same way I do. I told him that no, I won't change my rules, I'm going to be responsible for his kids for 2 weeks...so
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • it's my job to make sure every child under my roof is treated fairly. My brother has accepted this but I can tell he isn't happy.
    via Known-Yoghurt4192
  • A little girl paints with finger paints
    via Yohann LIBOT

    A little girl paints with finger paints

  • Designer_Thought2907 They can find another babysitter
    via Designer_Thought2907
  • Simple-Risk8766 NTA. Does he want free, trusted babysitting or not? Maybe you can throw in an extra family movie as a treat or something, but your rules are very normal.
    via Simple-Risk8766
  • Pickle_Holiday18 NTA Those are your rules. He doesn't have to accept your free childcare for FOUR KIDS for TWO WEEKS if he doesn't like it
    via Pickle_Holiday18
  • III_Industry6452 NTA. With 9 kids to take care of, you definitely need a system. As a great grandma, I think some of your things are a bit too strict, but presuming your kids are healthy, not abused, and mostly happy, if it works for all of you, great. Your brother can find alternate childcare if he doesn't like your rules.
    via Ill_Industry6452
  • TrustTechnical4122 NTA, but I wonder if your kids are happy and accepting of these rules, or feel overly-controlled and are unhappy. For me, that would have been stifling, and would likely have caused problems for me. But every family is different and I don't know the dynamics of yours.
    via TrustTechnical4122
  • Ok-Perspective-5109 ESH Some of your rules make sense and are reasonable and others are simply about control. An hour of forced silent reading every night for almost adults? Control. Weekly family movie night (again forced). Control.
    via Ok-Perspective-5109
  • And there is no way you should be forcing your nieces and nephews to comply with an hour of silent reading every evening or the weekly family movie night. I am all for teaching kids responsibility but that is not what you are doing here.
    via Ok-Perspective-5109
  • And assuming your kids actually have activities and social lives, what are they giving up in terms of homework or chosen relaxation activities in order to comply with you? By 16 other than chores their time should belong to them.
    via Ok-Perspective-5109
  • Vctwebster Technically NTA but I think it's less about being fair and more that you don't want your kids to taste freedom.
    via Vctwebster

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family drama kids parenting babysitting
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