Female roommate gets mad at male roommate because he won't leave on vacation for a few days while her long-distance boyfriend visits her: 'She had to rent a [place] for 10 days to stay with her boyfriend, she believes I should pay her for it'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Jul 28, 2026 10:30 AM EDT

Maybe instead of hinting that you want something, it would be better to just say it out loud.

Living with a roommate can be hard. There is no doubt about that. You are sharing your space with another human being who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend, nor a family member, and sometimes they aren't even your friend. They are just someone that need to share an apartment due to their financial situation. That's it. Taking that into account, it seems obvious that roommates are going to have arguments. It's a part of it. You can't even agree on everything with a friend. Why would you with an almost unknown person?

In the story below, we just see one of the million arguments that two roommates can have. It's normal. The thing that isn't is the fact that the female roommate expected the other to read her mind. She had her long-distance boyfriend coming over, and instead of simply asking if the male roommate could stay at his girlfriend's apartment for a couple of days or live there one night alone at least, she just expected him to do it without her asking. The whole problem isn't only the fact that she didn't want to share the space during her boyfriend's stay, is the fact that she was unable to express what she thought and what ideas she had. If she had told her living companion this, maybe he would have arranged something. Of course he could have denied anyway, but it would have been better to ask than just say little hints, expecting him to do something with that.

What is the problem between people and having conversations? Can't we just express ourselves to avoid having miscommunication problems? There is no need to start a scheming plan to plant an idea on somebody else. You can simply tell them. Is easier to tell them. But still we get these kinds of situations that could have been avoided with simple communication. Next time, speak your mind! Is easier than all this hinting and scheming. I can assure you of that. 
 

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  • 01
    First, some context - I (36M) have been living with my roommate (32F) for 4 years. We share an apartment because the cost of living in my city is high, and besides, it just worked for us until now. Our apartment has three rooms - I occupy the largest bedroom, and she has the small bedroom plus the living room (which I also have access to but don't use - it only holds her stuff and she decorates it however she wants). We arranged the split this
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  • 02
    Two young people, one playing the guitar and the other reading a book. Representation.
    via Anita Monteiro

    Two young people, one playing the guitar and the other reading a book.

    Representation.

  • 03
    way because I work from home and needed a room big enough to set up an office as well. I'm also a homebody, so I really value my own space and spend a lot of time in it - I only leave the house for grocery shopping, dates, and jogging. She, on the other hand, spends most of her time out - she works in the city for 10-12 hours each day and is very outgoing; she doesn't like staying in and often goes out with friends.
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 04
    I am in a relationship with my girlfriend (33F), who visits me regularly, about twice a week, and sometimes stays the night. We plan to move in together once our life situations stabilize a bit (I don't want to get into details here, as they are irrelevant to this post). My roommate was single for most of the time we lived together, but a year ago she met a man (34M) from another country online, and they are in a long-distance relationship. During
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 05
    this time, they have seen each other in person once, when she visited him in his country. Recently, a conflict arose between us because her boyfriend decided to visit her for 10 days and, by default, stay at our apartment. I didn't mind this. However, as the arrival date approached, my roommate started asking if I was planning a vacation or a trip during the time her partner would be visiting, which was in July. I
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  • 06
    answered truthfully that I had been on vacation in June and had trips planned for August and September, so I wasn't planning on leaving the house in July. Especially since my work is freelance/contract-based, and when I'm not working, I simply don't earn money - for this reason, spontaneous trips are out of the question for me. I have to plan everything in advance to manage my finances well.
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 07
    My roommate acknowledged this and didn't bring up the topic again. Until recently. A few days before his arrival, she asked again if I was planning a vacation while her boyfriend gonna be here. I answered again, though a bit annoyed, that I wasn't - I had already told her before that I couldn't afford a spontaneous trip and needed to work more this month. She didn't comment on it and walked away. The next day, however, she started the
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  • 08
    conversation again. She told me that because of me, she had to rent an Airbnb for 10 days to stay there with her boyfriend, and she believes I should pay her for it because it was because of me - since I refused to leave the apartment. She told me that she was "forced" to do so, and it is a significant burden on her budget. I told her she must be joking and can forget about it. I also mentioned that she didn't have to
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 09
    do anything, as I had no problem with her boyfriend staying with us during his visit. She replied that they needed privacy and my presence at home was unwanted, so she had no other choice. for When I told her I wouldn't pay her choices, she changed her tactics. She said that since my girlfriend visits regularly, she should contribute to the rent because it's as if she lives with us. I told her that was out of the
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  • 10
    question too, and that my partner only stays over a few days a month - she is a guest, not a resident. This angered her again, and my roommate claimed that she was suffering financial losses because of me. Finally, she brought up another argument in the heat of the fight. She said that since I have a larger room, I should pay more (even though during the initial renting and every annual lease renewal,
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 11
    she was always fine with a 50/50 split, especially since we also agreed she could treat the living room as her second room). I told her that if she felt that way, she should have said so at the time of renewal (in February) - then we could have renegotiated the rates. However, I stated that as long as the old agreement with an equal rent split is in place, I have no intention of paying her anything extra, especially since she had absolutely no problem
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 12
    with it for so many years. Seeing that none of her attempts to stick me with the bill for her meeting with her boyfriend worked, she said she thought "we were friends" and that it wouldn't be a problem for me to do her a "small" favor. She said she was wrong about me and that I turned out to be a classless person.
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  • 13
    A bedroom decorated with plants and colorful cushions, model image.
    via Spacejoy

    A bedroom decorated with plants and colorful cushions, model image.

  • 14
    nw826 NTA. Does her bf know she has a male roomie? Sounds like she's trying to hide you from him.
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 15
    PrideCompetitive8758 nta, that relationship makes her toxic, in your place I would look for another accommodation soon.
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 16
    bythebrook88 NTA. She isn't expected to leave the apartment when your girlfriend visits, so why should you leave when she's hosting? I wonder if she hasn't told her boyfriend that she lives with a male roommate, and somehow thought you leaving for 10 days was better than being honest about her living arrangements? Either way, it's her problem to solve.
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 17
    MissBandersnatch2U NTA. Her boyfriend can chip in for the Airbnb if she insists on getting one. The only person making her get one is her
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 18
    ottbud She is in a long distance relationship with a dude in another country that she met online and has only met in person once over the course of a year. I'd put down a $1000 that even if you left the apartment, that they'll be broken up within those 10 days. If she wants "privacy" because her online boyfriend is uncomfortable with you, then why isn't HE paying for the Airbnb? Why is she paying the full
    via Kind_of_Bear
  • 19
    cost and coming at you for it and not her internet boyfriend?
    via Kind_of_Bear

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long distance relationship relationships finances living together
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