Woman complains when friends talk about 'passenger princess' trend, wonders if she's the only one who finds it off-putting

JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor

Jul 30, 2026 10:00 AM EDT

What do you want out of a relationship?

Everyone is allowed to want something different out of a partnership. We don't all look for the same things, because if we did, things would get a little boring. We all have different wants and needs and things we'd like to accomplish. We all come from different places, which gives us different perspectives on relationships and different approaches to dating. There is nothing wrong with this, but it can result in some clashes if things don't go to plan, and you end up arguing with someone over what it is that you want. Having an opinion is not against the rules, but it might run you into trouble with the wrong people if you're not careful. And if you feel like everyone else but you has the same opinion and mindset, this can get a little bit annoying. You don't want to feel like you're the one person on the outside who understands something that everyone else doesn't. Unless you're the type of person who enjoys being controversial. You like having the one weird opinion that nobody else has. But this is a rare thing to come across, since the rule of the internet is "If there is an opinion to have, someone has it." You can find someone out there who shares your opinion, and you can live in harmony forever, or something like that. The woman in this story, though, was having a hard time finding that in her own life until she shared her thoughts on the internet.

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*^{The people in this photo are models}*
*A woman in a tiara looks out the window of a vintage car*

I'm feeling bitter or weird for not loving the passenger princess trend...

I need an outside perspective because I'm trying to figure out if this is a me problem. Lately I've noticed I get irritated when my friends constantly talk about everything their boyfriends do for them. Things like being a "passenger princess," never driving, having their boyfriend pay for everything, or buying them big things.

The weird part is that I do want a man who takes care of me, and my boyfriend does. But I also like being independent and contributing. I see relationships as a partnership, not me sitting back while he does everything.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking, "Why wouldn't you want your own goals or income too?" Then I wonder if I'm just being judgmental or if I simply value independence more. I've also noticed that my friends who like men to do everything for them will do the same thing to me when we hang out. I'm the oldest

daughter, I'm tall, and I've had many times where my friends will treat me like the guy in a relationship having to do things for them, organizing trips, they ALWAYS are dancing on me if we go out and I get so annoyed like I'm not your man???

In my new relationship I love that my boyfriend is fine with paying but I pay him back at time. For example he bought drinks, dinner then when we went out to party I paid for all the drinks. I got a lot and + our tab was $100! That would have been almost $300 he spent on the two of us. Does anyone else feel this way, or is this just insecurity and comparison on my part?

There are all sorts of trends out there that tell us what we should be looking for in a relationship. There are so many people out there who want to make our decisions for us and tell us exactly what we should be out there searching for. The problem is, they don't know us. They don't know what we're looking for or what we value. So it's fine to want something else. Read on to see what this woman had to say about it.

Commenters showed their support for this opinion.

Diligent Design7843 NTA we need to normalize women as being independent

Unlikely_Sympathy282 NTA - it's ok to have opinions. I am also tired of the damsel in distress bulls. I wouldn't necessarily say anything to them, but you do not have to be the person in charge when you all go out. That's just lazy on their part.

*^{Subjects are models.}*

*A woman sits in a car and looks out the window*

Baconpanthegathering These trends are a part of a larger propaganda campaign to re-normalize old fashioned gender roles. Its starts as an innocent "joke" like "But I'm just a girl" except a lot of people take it. seriously and actually use it as an excuse to be helpless...and the psy-op wins.

UnSleeping Moss It's to keep women subservient and under the control of men. Take it from someone who spent 14+ years under someone's boot. I didn't even have access to the bank account or know how to pay a bill before I was 33. My ex controlled every aspect of my life.

Being a passenger princess in life is not the flex people think it is. Ask yourself, what happens if something happens to your partner, who has all the control in the relationship? If they get into a car crash or a health problem comes up - you will absolutely be f*cked. Do not let someone else control everything.

Master-Monk-8690 Half of the girls who say their man should "take care of everything" will find themselves barefoot and pregnt at his house. They'll be happy until he leaves them when the kids are toddlers, and the girl will be stuck with the kid, no job, no skills, and no money. Being independent is a good thing.

Trad wive influencers are popping up all over trying to convince girls that they should be a trad wife and abandon all responsibility for themselves. Notice that these influencers are all under 30.

grapefruitviolin NTA - this is totally normal and smart. You also have to realize that some of these women are with men who wouldn't let their girlfriends. drive or do certain things because it threatens their manhood. (not all but some men). So they jump on these

trends to validate their experience of being with a dude with low self esteem. You CAN be independent and contribute and be in a relationship with a man who takes care of you if you find the right man who is secure. Every relationship is different. I am similar to you, I have my own money, I'm independent. I don't NEED my relationship but I want it.

merrywidow14 NTA. Your attitude regarding your independence will serve you well. I'm a widow and know other widows are single women. The ones who depend on a man who takes care of everything fall apart quickly when he's gone. I'm talking about women who had good

jobs that had no idea how to pay the bills. The women who were independent were able to handle things (paying bills, getting things. repaired) and conquered their loneliness by getting involved. Let your friends. live their life as they want and realize you'll be able to meet life's unexpected journeys much better than they will.

Talinn_Makaren NTA. Fwiw I think you're speaking a truth out loud. I think a lot of women's tiktok feeds are reinforcing this stuff. It's sincerely interesting.

Professional-Face709 NTA. All the replies here saying that you are YTA for judging are the passenger princesses you're talking about. They are judging you for judging. Guess what, kindergartners, judging is how we navigate life. The OP cannot make decisions for her own life without judging how others are conducting theirs.

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