25-year-old starts taking care of her elderly neighbor, only to discover that her son is receiving government paychecks to care for her: ‘I am no longer comfortable helping out our neighbor.'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Aug 3, 2026 10:30 AM EDT

This is fraud, and standing up for it is the right thing to do!

Fraud, unaccountability, and family drama. Already an interesting story. I know that every family is their own world and that relations are complicated. That's why I don't try to judge family members who decide not to continue to be a part of their own family. They could have very valid reasons, and I have no power whatsoever to judge them. That doesn't mean that I wouldn't condemn fraud. There is a difference between deciding not to take part in the caretaking of your elderly mother –sounds really bad, but you can have your reasons– and a completely different one is committing fraud by accepting government checks for taking care of her while you don't even visit her.

If you don't want to take care of your family, then don't. You may have your reasons. I won't judge. But accepting money that the state provides so that you can help your mother when you don't even call her is illegal. It makes you a horrible person, and it makes you a scammer, a con artist. The son from the story below is taking advantage of the system and his mother. And these neighbors have every right to condemn it. They are taxpayers who help to contribute to the money his receiving illegitimately, but also, they are doing HIS JOB for him for free.

I really wish they could open this elderly woman's eyes and make her understand that his son cannot be taking this money when he isn't doing the job his receiving it for. She can either hire a caretaker like a nurse with that money, or give it to some of the neighbors that are always helping her out and are in the line of poverty. This is fraud, and it needs to be condemned. Social assistance from the government can be extremely useful for some people. To steal that is pure evil. Let's hope everyone gets what they deserve.  
 

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  • 01
    I (25F) moved in with my partner (30M) last year. We live in a 6- apartment building in a major U.S. city. An elderly woman lives across the hall. She is very sweet and although she has some quirks [i.e., believes women can't be leaders and the U.S. should adopt communism] she's pretty chill. I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. Since I moved in I noticed that she knocks on our door 1-3 times
    via ateknoa
  • 02
    Two women and a man walking together hand in hand. Representation.
    via Philippe Leone

    Two women and a man walking together hand in hand.

    Representation.

  • 03
    per day to ask for help. It's ranged from helping her change the T.V. channel to driving her around the city to run some errands. I can tell she feels bad asking us but we don't mind. We're happy to help her out and do so every time no questions asked. I've noticed her health as declined and she probably needs full time help. She can't drive, identify groceries in the store, etc. This worries me because I'm leaving in
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  • 04
    September for grad school, my partner will be starting college classes on top of his full-time job, and her family never comes around. One day I asked if she had family who could help her. She said she has two sons and quote "wished for them when she was younger because they are easier to raise than girls, but now she regrets it because they won't help". I felt bad and told her that she should reach out to them, as I'm sure
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  • 05
    they will help her if they know how much she is struggling. She shrugged it off and told me I'm a good woman. I have not seen her sons more than twice in the past year I've lived in the complex. Well, fast forward to today. My partner and I somehow got on the topic of our neighbor and he mentions something about a payment her son is receiving. I ask him what that's about. He says that her son is receiving $1500 every month via a
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  • 06
    government program to 'help' her. I exploded. So basically her son is getting paid BY THE GOVERNMENT for work that I and my [very overworked] partner are doing. The son is a grown man, lives no more than an hour away, and is fully capable of helping her consistently. I told my partner that I am no longer comfortable helping out our neighbor unless she 1. spends the $1500 on a care worker who
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  • 07
    will actually help her daily or 2. spends the $1500 on the neighbors who are actually helping her [there are two other people in the complex who help her out and they are at the poverty line]. I feel that if I do help her out, it's enabling her son [and quite frankly her] to take advantage of others and the system.
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  • 08
    An elder caregiver helping grown adults. Representation.
    via Age Cymru

    An elder caregiver helping grown adults.

    Representation.

  • 09
    LordAxalon110 Report the son to the proper authorities. NTA
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  • 10
    gojira86 NTA, look into reporting the son for neglecting his mom. Maybe contact Adult Protective Services. They might open an investigation into the fraud the son is perpetrating by taking the money and not caring for the mother.
    via ateknoa
  • 11
    Shdfx1 Her son is committing elder ab e and fraud. He's receiving money for home health care while doing nothing, and allowing his elderly mother to suffer. There's a lot of investigations into fraud right now. Report him.
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  • 12
    pairedfools NTA. If her son is receiving money to take care of her. Then he should do his job and stop committing fraud. If f she really wants help maybe she can make YOU the caretaker and YOU can receive the money and not her son.
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  • 13
    Fragrant Trick4380 MTA. He's being given caregiver pay, so her Medicaid won't cover in home health for the things he is supposed to be doing. Have you considered contacting the local health department or human services? This is a serious situation, she can't care for herself. That's what social workers are for, step in and help.
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  • 14
    FRANPW1 NTA. Contact elder services in your area ASAP so this can be resolved before you move. Thanks so much for looking out for her.
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  • 15
    albad11 So, how did your partner find out this info. Sonny needs a talking to.
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  • 16
    fidddlydiddlyee There are elder care worker like child protective services. Find out who they are where you live and notify them so they can get her some help.
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  • 17
    MotherOfLochs NTA. Please tell her exactly why you're going to have to decline any requests from her going forward: you are indeed not going to be available in the near future! Her son should be helping her out - why isn't if they are accepting her government assistance??
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