Parents and in-laws demand couple take $15k vacation for their anniversaries, get offended when they refuse: 'It's a significant expense'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jul 31, 2026 11:45 AM EDT

Why does a family celebration have to come with a massive price tag?

The most important thing about getting together as a family is that such a celebration should be accessible to every single relative who is welcome. People should be able to feel like they can spend time with their loved ones without there being some kind of uncomfortable consequence involved, especially if it is true that family helps family.

However, the complications of mixing together so many different desires and complicated dynamics often mean that somebody isn't going to be happy when the next event rolls around. What should be an enjoyable family reunion can turn into something fraught and complicated before it has even happened. While it can be near-impossible to make everybody perfectly happy while doing the organizing, it pays to listen to a variety of opinions.

While it is not unreasonable to expect financially solvent adults to spend money on a family get-together, there are usually limits on what they are willing to pay. Demanding that they do something expensive just because it is a family event is not necessarily fair, not least if there are alternative arrangements that could be made so that everyone is happy.

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  • A close-up of an elderly couple on vacation, with the man kissing the woman's cheek
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A close-up of an elderly couple on vacation, with the man kissing the woman's cheek

  • A couple was left feeling like the black sheep on both sides of the family after they turned down the opportunity to vacation with both their sets of parents. Each was celebrating a major anniversary, and they wanted to celebrate in this way. One set of parents wanted to take a $15k cruise, and the other wanted to take an international, all-inclusive vacation that was similarly priced.

    Neither of these options were financially viable for the couple, so they had to turn them down. This meant that their extended family judged them and thought that they were selfish. They didn't know if they had made the right decision.

  • Am I wrong for declining both of our parents' anniversary trips because we don't think milestone anniversaries should require $15k vacations?

    My husband and I have been together almost 20 years. One thing that's always been true is that both of our families seem to compete with each other over who is the better grandparent, who gives more gifts, who spends more money, and who gets more time with us. It's been exhausting enough that we've intentionally limited contact with both sides.
    via whitneygames09
  • Recently, both sets of parents have had age-related health issues. Since then, every holiday or family event seems to come with comments like, "This could be our last Christmas," "our last vacation," or "our last chance to make memories." I understand where that's coming from, but it also feels like every invitation now comes with guilt attached.
    via whitneygames09
  • The current issue started with my husband's parents' 50th wedding anniversary. The family decided to celebrate with a week-long cruise. For my husband, me, and our child, it would cost around $15,000. Everyone else immediately put down deposits.
    via whitneygames09
  • We quietly declined. It wasn't because we don't love them or don't want to celebrate. We just can't justify spending that much on one vacation. We suggested alternatives like a large anniversary party or family reunion that would let everyone celebrate together without such a huge financial commitment, but those ideas weren't well received.
    via whitneygames09
  • A short time later, my parents announced that for their 45th anniversary they wanted everyone to go on an international all-inclusive vacation. This wasn't something they'd mentioned before, and the timing made it feel like they heard about my in-laws' trip and didn't want to be outdone.
    via whitneygames09
  • Their trip would cost less than the cruise, but it's still a significant expense. We declined that one too for the exact same reason. We don't think it makes sense to spend that kind of money on back-to-back family vacations, regardless of which side is asking.
    via whitneygames09
  • Now both families think we're selfish, don't value family, and will regret not making these memories if someone dies. We do understand our parents are getting older, and we genuinely sympathize with that. But it feels like we're being pressured to spend tens of thousands of dollars because of guilt and fear rather than because it's something we'd actually choose to do.
    via whitneygames09
  • We aren't refusing to celebrate. We just don't think milestone anniversaries should come with the expectation that everyone else pays for luxury vacations when there are plenty of meaningful, less expensive ways to celebrate.
    via whitneygames09
  • A middle-aged couple organize bills while sitting at a kitchen table
    via Oleg Ivanov (Unsplash+))

    A middle-aged couple organize bills while sitting at a kitchen table

  • curien I thought you were going to say they offered you a $15k vacation as a gift for your 20th. Unless you are flush with cash, expecting you to spend $15k to celebrate their milestone is nuts. NTA.
    via curien
  • Aware_Caterpillar_92 NTA If these events are so important and making memories is priceless, why aren't your parents paying for it? Better to spend it now and enjoy it than take it to the grave. Seems like that would solve the issue for everyone.
    via Aware_Caterpillar_92
  • Front_Incident_2867 NTA. Never let anyone else, regardless of who they are, spend your money for you.
    via Front_Incident_2867
  • slackerchic $15,000???? JFC, NTA.
    via slackerchic
  • BlessedHealer NTA For a milestone anniversary the couple themselves can go on holiday. Doesn't really make sense for everyone to fork out for every couples milestone - that would get real expensive real quick.
    via BlessedHealer
  • Several Razzmatazz51 When my parents wanted the whole family to go on a cruise to celebrate their 50th anniversary, they paid for the cruise for everyone. If the grands want everyone there, they can pay for everyone. Or they can have a BBQ to celebrate.
    via Several_Razzmatazz51
  • laja7 NTA, if everyone being there and creating memories is important there are ways to do that without spending 15k.
    via laja7
  • justmyusername47 Nope, when my parents would invite us to vacation with them, they covered the main expenses and we covered incidentals. My husband and I now do that for our kids as well. But we also arent taking $10k vacations. Stand your ground and say no to both
    via justmyusername47

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