She is considering charging her 72-year-old mother rent to live with them—a 45-year-old woman has had enough of her entitled mother, who, after 11 years of living with them, has mounting debt again, despite having no living costs, and doesn't help out

Supporting an aging parent is the right thing to do.

After all, they supported us through our lives. Many sleepless nights and sacrifices. Sure, it's a choice that they made, and an obligation that goes along with bringing another person into the world. But many parents fail even to fulfill and commit to that.

We may be very keenly aware of our parent's shortcomings and critical of their mistakes. But, one day, we will grow up, have kids of our own, and realize that our parents were doing the best with what they had. This will probably come to us as we realize that we, too, are not perfect as parents and will likely fail our children on some level we can't anticipate.

So, perhaps, it is a bit of coping with our own shortcomings, but eventually, as we reach this understanding and equal footing with our parents. But, time is short: Once we accept that they, too, are only people, only then will we see how much this person has aged compared to how we hold them in our mind's eye. Whereas we have still seen them more or less as we have since we were a kid, suddenly we're cognizant of how much time has passed. It's almost like every time we see them after that, they have aged more and more quickly. It doesn't help that time only seems to move faster, as your time remaining together gets shorter.

It’s poetic in a sense that the parent who cares for us may eventually fall into our care. A reflective act of familial love that is much deeper than simple logical reason.

Caring for family in their time of need is an incredible, noble thing. I think it is a fortunate thing, if you step back and think about it, to get to spend that time together, even if it isn't easy.

But no matter how close your familial bond, no matter how open your communication is, there will be frustrations. Changing the balance of a household is no simple thing. Let's face it, as adults, we are pretty rigid in our preferences and our routines, and we don't like disruptions. (Ok, just me?) There's a reason why flatting/rooming with other adults as an adult doesn't really work once your frontal lobe has fully developed. We have an aversion to anyone's lifestyle that is not our own, especially when exposed to it on a daily basis. At least from where I'm sitting.

So there needs to be clear expectations set from the outset of whatever the arrangement is.

You’ll find yourself tripping over each other and treading on each other’s nerves more often than you’d expect. Before long, it will feel like your last nerve is being held against a spinning orbital sander that you can't pull away from.

There are monetary concerns too. Adding another person to the home increases costs for the whole household. Utilities aren't cheap, and it's surprising how much a single person added to an existing household can add to costs. And if you're paying for their meals, well, another person is expensive and becomes a massive investment.

Over time, if the person isn't responsible, stress over these costs compounds with their own irresponsibility and unhealthy habits. Unpaid bills of their own, not contributing to household chores, or generally being inconsiderate. These started as small annoyances in the background but now are mounting up front and center. These mounting problems become uncomfortable conversations. If the issues don’t get resolved, the conversations aren't had, or promises aren’t followed through... Well, now rifts will start to form in the relationship.

Reasonable requests become frustrations and frustrations become a sense of rejection. Neither side means ill, necessarily, but now both feel misunderstood.

The answer here is simple in any case, and as we started: Explicit expectations, accountability, and clear communication.

But be honest. How many of us find that difficult with our parents?