Sister offers to help babysit her brother's kids, but when she got there, she ended up having to work for free for more than 10 hours a day without a break: 'There's a huge difference between helping family and becoming unpaid childcare.'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Aug 6, 2026 6:00 PM EDT

One thing is a family member offering to do something nice, and a very different one is free labor.

There is a common belief that family members are free babysitters, and that is mostly true. If you have a good relationship with your parents or siblings and you have a kid, they are going to be offering all the time to take care of the new family member if you need it. Some will also take that offering as a way to come to your house uninvited with the excuse that you probably need help. Even though that could bother you or not, that is some usual behaviour between families.

In the case of the story below, it started the same way. A sister noticed that her brother and sister-in-law would have too much to do to take care of their kids and the newborn without their usual babysitter (who was out for a while). But that got understood as something completely different. They sent her a plane ticket and gave her a room to stay, only to get some free labor for over 10 hours a day from her. That was definitely not what she was expecting, and now she's feeling pressure to do it even though she is extremely tired.

Truth is, I don't think there is really a villain and a victim. Is mostly, as is common to see in these kinds of stories, a miscommunication issue. This woman was trying to do something nice for the couple and their new baby, and instead she got into an awkward position where she isn't sure whether to stand her ground or just wait for the babysitter to come back. She needs to speak to her brother, be honest, and either go back home or help out less. Whatever her final choice is, I really hope she learns to communicate how she feels because it will bring her even bigger problems in the long run. 
 

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  • 01
    My brother and sister-in-law asked me to fly out to help after they had a new baby. They paid for my plane ticket, which I appreciated, and I genuinely wanted to help. The problem is there was never any conversation about what "help" actually meant. Since I've been here, I've been watching their two boys from around 6:30 a.m. until about 5:00 p.m., sometimes later. They'll tell
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • 02
    A girl playing with colorful plastic toys. Representation.
    via Tanaphong Toochinda

    A girl playing with colorful plastic toys.

    Representation.

  • 03
    me they'll be done at a certain time, then that time comes and goes and I'm still the one watching the kids. The last couple of nights, my brother has gone outside by himself to grill for a few hours while I'm left inside with both kids. My sister-in-law has also left me alone with them for hours at a time. I came here thinking I'd be helping them. Instead, I feel like I've become the default childcare. Earlier this week, I even went two
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • 04
    days without showering because I felt like I couldn't step away. Today, after watching the boys since 6:30 that morning, I finally said, "I need a break." I went upstairs for about an hour while they had the kids and were giving them baths. As I was coming back downstairs, I overheard my sister-in-law say, "I don't understand what's taking so long." I didn't hear the whole conversation, so maybe she
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • 05
    wasn't talking about me, but after everything that's happened this week, it definitely felt like she was. The whole trip has left me feeling like I can't just be a guest. Nobody has ever said, "Help yourself" when it comes to food, and I don't even know what's okay to eat. I even asked if we could stop at a store so I could buy my own coffee because they don't have drip coffee in the house.
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • 06
    I don't mind helping. That's why I came. But I never agreed to be available all day, every day. To me, there's a huge difference between helping family and becoming unpaid childcare with no clear end to the day.
    via Exciting_Designer611
  • 07
    A child playing and coloring with a babysitter. Representation.
    via Gabe Pierce

    A child playing and coloring with a babysitter. 

    Representation.

  • 08
    Aussiealterego NTA but you guys need to have an actual conversation about expectations. Use your words.
    via Aussiealterego
  • 09
    anglflw What on the world is he grilling for a few hours? Did he forget he had children to parent? ΝΤΑ
    via anglflw
  • 10
    befitzpa Controversial, but I'm going to say no ah les here. They asked you to come and help, paid for your flight, I would also assume you were there to be minding kids the whole time, not for an hour here or there, why would you fly out to do just a little bit? I think you could be more assertive and say "I'm going for a run/walk/I gotta do some work, I'm doing whatever" - but if they are in the new born trenches they are probably not thinking about you and probably expect you to be an adult
    via befitzpa
  • 11
    and take what you need. No one said help yourself probably because they expect you to help yourself. You don't even know if she was talking about you, so it seems you've gotten yourself annoyed without verbalising your needs and at all and assuming your SIL is mad at you. You said you can't be a guest, no you're not there as a guest, you're there as family.
    via befitzpa
  • 12
    Prestigious Elk353 What is your brother doing all that time? NTA for taking a break but an a hle to yourself for not having a grown up conversation about this. And establishing something around food. Advocate for yourself and work this out.
    via Prestigious_Elk353
  • 13
    sotiredwontquit NAH. That's exactly what they need help with: watching the older kids do they can focus on the new baby. Your SIL should be doing anything at all. She shouldn't lift anything heavier than the baby. She shouldn't get off the couch. There's an open wound in her abdomen three sizes off a dinner plate. Your BIL should be doing anything his wife asks. Your job is to run interference with the
    via sotiredwontquit
  • 14
    older kids. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job! They're lucky you could do this for them. That said- you need to eat and sleep too. Please advocate for yourself. Your bro and SIL are exhausted. They know they will have no help once you leave and are happy to have you do as much as you're willing. You need to tell them, with words, where your willingness ends.
    via sotiredwontquit
  • 15
    the elephant_sack Have an adult conversation. If it doesn't go well say "Look you stupid f s, I am never ever coming back to help you again. Also I am telling everyone who will listen that your expectations are so unreasonable that they should stay away, too." NTA, but learn to set boundaries or your whole life will be a series of pathetic Reddit posts.
    via the_elephant_sack
  • 16
    RoyallyOakie INFO...Why didn't you have a conversation before coming? I wouldn't accept a plane ticket without knowing exactly what I was accepting. You NEED to have a frank conversation.
    via RoyallyOakie
  • 17
    FormNo8111 NTA, have a look at how much nannies are paid, and it's well earned money. Children are exhausting and the way you're being treated is 100% unfair because, well, you agreed to help but it's one thing to help here and there and a whole other thing to be doing unpaid work
    via FormNo8111

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