'I don’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with her': Grandma has friends to stay, gets annoyed when live-in carer refuses to give up her bedroom for them

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Aug 10, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

Shouldn't care work come with appropriate boundaries?

Looking after somebody else can be a tough way to earn money. It doesn't matter if we're talking about little kids, people who are unwell, or the elderly; it takes a lot of dedication to turn up and do a job that a lot of people couldn't cope with day after day. It is a true public service.

That being said, just because these kinds of roles can be hard doesn't mean that they should be performed without limits. In fact, it makes it all the more important that safeguarding and strong boundaries are in place. These types of work can quickly become exploitative without that, and everybody deserves a workplace where they feel like their needs are considered.

Making sure that their opinion matters is a challenge that all employees face, no matter where they work, but it is especially important when doing any kind of care. The needs of the client have to come first in so many matters that it can be easy for lines to be crossed when they shouldn't be. Communicating what is and isn't acceptable (as well as what conforms to the work contract) is an absolute must.

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  • Models representing a female carer eating from a plate while sitting next to an older woman at a table
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Models representing a female carer eating from a plate while sitting next to an older woman at a table

  • A live-in carer for an older woman felt like she was being put in an awkward situation when a married couple turned up on her doorstep while her client was out. It was confirmed that these were her guests, and she expected them to stay at her apartment along with the carer.

    The issue was that the apartment only had two bedrooms, and the guests were going to stay in the carer's room. The woman said that the carer could sleep in her bed during the visit, and when she complained to the woman's son, he suggested she sleep on the couch. She felt like she was entitled to her own space, but didn't want to upset the people she worked for.

  • Am I wrong for not wanting to give up my room to my employer’s guests?

    I recently started working as a live-in caregiver for an elderly woman. I moved pretty far from home for this job, so I live in her home. When I was hired, I agreed to take care of Grandma, cook for her, give/remind her about her medication, walk with her, and do some light household chores. That's what I understood my responsibilities to be.
    via Consistang
  • Yesterday, Grandma went out with her friend and told me she would be back late. Later that evening, a husband and wife showed up at the door. I had never met them before, and I had no idea they were coming. They said Grandma knew they were coming. I let them in because they said they knew Grandma, but honestly, I was nervous because I didn't know who they were and Grandma wasn't home. I
    via Consistang
  • called her son, who is my employer, and told him what happened. He also didn't know who they were at first, so he talked to them and asked some questions. When Grandma finally came home, she confirmed that they were her guests. After that, I was told to make something for them. I didn't because I was confused about why I was
    via Consistang
  • suddenly expected to cook for guests. The guests said they were already full and didn't want anything anyway, so I went to sleep. Then came the sleeping situation. There are only two bedrooms in the apartment. One is Grandma's and the other is mine. My room has all my clothes and personal belongings. The guests needed somewhere to
    via Consistang
  • sleep, so Grandma told them they could sleep in my room and that I would sleep with her. Then her son messaged me and told me to sleep on the sofa and let the guests use my room. I told him I couldn't sleep on the sofa and that I wanted to sleep in my own bed. He said it was up to his mom and mentioned that when guests come to their home, they let them stay.
    via Consistang
  • I felt really uncomfortable and confused because the guests were already there, so I didn't want to create a huge argument. In the end, I agreed to sleep with Grandma for that night. I did sleep with her, but I was very uncomfortable. There is a smell that makes it difficult for me to sleep, and I don't feel comfortable sharing a bed with her. I only did it because the guests were already there and I didn't
    via Consistang
  • know what else to do. But the guests are still here, and I don't want to sleep with Grandma again tonight. I want to sleep in my own room. I also don't think I should be expected to cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the guests. When I was hired, I agreed to cook for Grandma and do light household chores. I was never told that I would be responsible for cooking for guests who come to stay.
    via Consistang
  • I don't want to be disrespectful to Grandma or her family. I just feel like my responsibilities are becoming more than what I originally agreed to. Am I being rode or unreasonable for saying I need to sleep in my own room tonight? And is it normal for a live-in caregiver to be expected to give up their bedroom and cook for guests when they visit?
    via Consistang
  • View from behind of models representing a female carer and an older woman sitting at a table together to eat
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    View from behind of models representing a female carer and an older woman sitting at a table together to eat

  • MrBlonde1984 As a caregiver I can speak to this. Do everything exactly as was told to you previously. If you were told to cook for granny, then only cook for her. Only do house chores specifically pertaining to that. Tell the son you are upset about the sleeping situation as
    via MrBlonde1984
  • you were not previously told you would not have access to your own room. Tell him you feel highly uncomfortable sleeping with granny as its not professional.
    via MrBlonde1984
  • GeminiAtl If the son is the one paying you, tell him you will not give up your room and if that is what is required, you will pack and be gone by morning and they can find someone else to take care of Granny. Your room is part of your pay packet. You are not family, you are an employee and they are taking away part of your pay.
    via GeminiAtl
  • Flimsy_Logic The son needs to get you or the visiting couple a hotel room for the night. This is unacceptable.
    via Flimsy_Logic
  • kytravelrn Find another job and living situation, STAT! Don't you have some sort of contract or written agreement with them concerning duties and sleeping arrangements? Instead of sleeping with grannies I would've taken a chair and sat right by the bed in "my" room to watch my personal item.
    via kytravelrn
  • Green_Cat_1217 You have more patience and less of a backbone than me lol. Would've just messaged the employer and stated the terms have been changed and I'm not sleeping with your grandmother. C ya
    via Green_Cat_1217
  • internet drama They do not have space for guests. The guests need to be told sorry, we have no extra bedrooms because of a live in caretaker. The couch is available or get a hotel if that won't work. That's what needs to happen now. Go back to your room that is part of your
    via internet_drama
  • compensation. Period. You'll need to stand up for yourself but explain it to the guests and grandma and son if you have to.
    via internet_drama

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