Childless 40-year-old invites his mom friend and her 11-year-old daughter to his 41st birthday party, excludes her 7-year-old son: 'You managed to make this incredibly messy.''

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Aug 10, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

Why is he inviting some kids to his birthday party, but not others? 

When you're a childless adult in your 40s, you start to have a hard time keeping up with your friends who have kids. Often, they are preoccupied with their children and their activities, especially in the first couple of years of their kids' lives. Parents might not be as interested in the leisure activities that were important to them before they had kids. The world of partying every weekend and throwing elaborate birthday celebrations for non-milestone adult birthdays is a thing of the past for most parents. 

That's why it must be difficult for the parents in this story to deal with their childless 40-year-old friend's wild demands. He is throwing a murder mystery birthday party for himself at his friend's house, but here's the kicker. He's excluding one of the kids from the hosting family from his party because this specific murder-mystery experience requires seven participants. Instead of making it an adults-only party like a normal childless 40-year-old would, he is letting the 10- and 11-year-old children of his friends participate, but not the 7- and 9-year-old kids. He clearly doesn't care about the themes being inappropriate for their ages. If so, he wouldn't have let any of the kids come! He could've made this a family party instead of a murder-mystery party, so everyone could be included, but he cares more about himself than he does about the kids in his life. I know it's his birthday, but he could've used his noodle a bit more! 

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  • A 7-year-old boy who has been excluded from a birthday party that his 11-year-old sister was invited to.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A 7-year-old boy who has been excluded from a birthday party that his 11-year-old sister was invited to.

    The situation is depicted by a model. 

  • Am I the bad guy for telling my friend her 7-year-old is not invited to my birthday murder mystery party?

    I (41M) am having a 90s themed murder mystery party for my birthday next. week at a mutual friends' house. My friend (42F) has an 11 y/o daughter and a 7 y/o son, and our mutual friends have a 10
    via u/cayrus
  • y/o daughter and a 9 y/o son who will all factor into the story. I am childless. For this specific murder mystery, we need at least 7 people for it work. It is marketed for teens and
    via u/cayrus
  • adults (Mild violence, mild romance, and suggestive themes). To get the requisite number of players, we had to invite the two elder girls. The 9 y/o boy is also not participating, (EDIT: but
    via u/cayrus
  • lives at the host location), so will mostly likely be playing Minecraft in the other room the whole evening. That leaves the 7 y/o.
    via u/cayrus
  • A 9-year-old boy plays Minecraft instead of participating in his parents' friends' birthday party, which he is perfectly content to do.
    via Matteo Discardi

    A 9-year-old boy plays Minecraft instead of participating in his parents' friends' birthday party, which he is perfectly content to do. 

    This image does not include the real boy in this story. 

  • I do not recall explicitly discussing with my friend whether her son could attend, until a couple of days ago when I asked her and her daughter about their costume plans. My friend told me
    via u/cayrus
  • not to talk so loud because they were trying to hide the party from her son. Fast forward to tonight and she messaged me asking if it was okay for her son to attend and participate in the murder
    via u/cayrus
  • mystery. I told her that I didn't really think that was a good idea because he would be a distraction. She then claimed I had previously mentioned that her son could come and that he was now aware of the party and wanted to come. I said
    via u/cayrus
  • that I didn't think it was appropriate. She responded that it was odd that only her son was being left out. I replied that the other boy would not be participating, and that in a perfect world I would have invited only
    via u/cayrus
  • adults, but we needed to fill the quota. I said if he came I'd prefer if he was playing in the other room, but did not participate.
    via u/cayrus
  • She said that it was a clear I didn't want him to attend and that she would fine something else to do with him that night. And that was was fine with that. (FYI, her husband is not coming and could take care of their son.)
    via u/cayrus
  • Even though she said she was fine, I still feel backed into a corner into letting him attend. I feel awful because I love her son and feel like I am excluding him. However, in my head I pictured a somewhat serious but still fun event where all the
    via u/cayrus
  • players were focused on the game and not being distracted by a small child. But it could be argued that I have already given up that idea by including the 10 and 11 year olds, so what does it matter if a 7 y/o also attends?
    via u/cayrus
  • Additional info that seems relevant to me: my friend is awesome and I love her and her children deeply, but she is also super flaky when it comes to planned fun. I'm also very put off by changing of plans. Also the conversation was all over
    via u/cayrus
  • text so I may have misinterpreted her thoughts and feelings. So should I back down and invite the 7 y/o or should I drop it now that she's said they won't bring him?
    via u/cayrus
  • Maximum_Law801 You managed to make this incredibly messy. Inviting some kids in a friend group, and not others. Inviting one sibling not the other... yeah, I get you don't have kids on your own, because that's a recepie for disaster. The kids are so close image it should be all or none. Apologise to your friends and be clear next time.
    via u/Maximum_Law801
  • Urbanyeti0 YTA you said teen and adult, perfectly fine, but then you wanted more So now 11 and 10 yo girls are coming, okay, again your party your choice. But then there's the 9yo boy, who isn't deemed old enough to participate, but is coming anyway? This is where imo you become TA, because if you're hosting a non involved 9 yo, you could just as easily plonk the 7yo next to them The reason you feel you're excluding him is because you are
    via u/Urbanyeti0
  • cayrus OP The 9 y/o is not invited either, he just happens to also live in the house that party is being held at, and will not participate. I suggested that the two younger kids play with each other, we will see if that will work out.
    via u/cayrus
  • Dr4gOnsFuRy86 Imagine going to someone else's house and telling their kids what they should be doing in their own home just to please yourself.
    via u/Dr4gOnsFuRy86
  • starsinhereyes20 This... it's not even at op's own house, recruiting kids to play and still calling it's an adults party is such nonsense, just let the 7yr old go, it's already half a kids party as is ... saying a 7yr old is a distraction when a 10yr old is taking part is quiet funny plus mild violence, suggestive themes etc with 10 & 11 year old is also weird...
    via u/starsinhereyes20
  • DianeJudith Yeah, hosting a party at someone else's house while telling one member of that household he can't attend it is so wild.
    via u/DianeJudith
  • Uncle-Cake You know what's even wilder? Hosting an "adult" party and having to invite children because you have no adult friends.
    via u/Uncle-Cake
  • BuzzClucking A 40 year old man disinviting kids so they don't ruin his themed birthday party. Is this peak reddit?
    via u/BuzzClucking
  • A middle-aged host of a murder mystery party.
    via Sander Sammy

    A middle-aged host of a murder mystery party. 

    The man in this picture is not the real man in the story. 

  • tacokahlessi Inviting children, but not their other parent. I'm so confused here.
    via u/tacokahlessi
  • Different-Airline672 YTA. It sounds like the people invited are just props for your entertainment. You only tolerate the two older kids, because you do not have enough adults. They are useful for you atm and if they weren't you'd put them aside like you are doing with the 9 y/o. You want a childfree party? Only invite adults.
    via u/Different-Airline672

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friendship kids birthday birthday party middle aged friends Party mystery daughter mom son parents
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