Mother refuses to make the kids ride the bus to school and prefers for them to be taken by their dad, he refuses, as the bus is free and gas isn't: 'If she doesn't want to wake them up, then she will be the one to take them to school'

Author image for María Cetra
María Cetra • Writer
Aug 28, 2026 1:00 PM EDT

If you are the one demanding something, then it's on you to be responsible for it

Relationships evolve not only with the growth of each of the members of the couple, but also with how their lives change. Moving together, working full time, monetary issues, and having kids. That last concept is actually the most difficult one. Having kids can bring the couple together, make them feel more like a family. But it can also be the last drop on the glass that makes it break. Children are a lot. They cry, they scream, they tantrum. If your relationship isn't built on a strong enough foundation, then the whole building comes down with it. And you will be quick to blame it on the kids, but it's actually something deeper. 

Is hard to maintain a relationship through the good and the bad. But having meaningful and serious conversations along with lots of love can make the whole thing not that hard at all. Kids get in the way sometimes, but that doesn't make them less desirable. And I'm pretty sure that they aren't the full reason why couples break up, is usually just the last thing in a long list of problems. Your kids are the outcome of a relationship, and let's hope a healthy and loving one. So why would they be the reason it ends? It may seem like maybe there is something much more realistic bothering the two lovebirds that isn't really the reason they think. 

So if your relationship is struggling and the main issue seems to be about the kids, like the story below, talk to each other. Be honest and truthful to yourselves. Admit whether the problem is the kids or some bigger issue you are ignoring to avoid having to confront it. If the foundation is strong enough, then you can survive even a rough patch of arguments and disdain. No kid, school bus, nor anything can actually be the ruin of it. But it's important to stop with the arguing and start having meaningful conversations that can make the relationship move forward and continue being as loving as it was before. 

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  • 01
    Our kids are in 2nd grade and 10th grade and the schools they attend are very small, so elementary, middle and high school all ride together on school buses. 2 years ago when our youngest was in kindergarten, they both rode the bus to and from school every day. Last school year, our niece got her license and started driving to school and would pick up our kids for school as well, but she started college this year and is now 2 hours away. This school year, for whatever reason, my wife insists on
    via Ill_King_1982
  • 02
    A school bus on the way to pick up the students.
    via Maximilian Simson

    A school bus on the way to pick up the students.

  • 03
    they would have to get up about 45 minutes earlier to catch the bus around 6:30am. Now, for some context, we are pretty much struggling financially at the moment. We're doing everything we can possibly do just to make ends meet. Just keeping enough gas in the car to get to where we need to go is a struggle. For example, this morning the car was on 0 miles to empty because I needed to go to the community college yesterday to see my advisor and register for fall classes. My wife wakes up yelling a
    via Ill_King_1982
  • 04
    take the kids to school, even though she knew yesterday when I got home that there was no gas. So she scrapes up some change to put gas in the car and tells, not asks, me to take the kids to school. I refused and said no, absolutely not. There is a bus that comes every single morning that will take the kids to school for free and if she doesn't want to wake them up earlier to catch the bus then she will be the one to take them to school, not me. Am I the a hole, or what? EDIT: We are both awake
    via Ill_King_1982
  • 05
    bus. It just turns into an argument every time i even mention waking them up for the bus. EDIT EDIT: We both participate in getting the kids ready for school every morning.
    via Ill_King_1982
  • 06
    A school bus on the way to school.
    via Megan Lee

    A school bus on the way to school.

  • 07
    PrimitivePainterz A second grader and a tenth grader are perfectly capable of taking the bus to school; your taxes are paying for this service which many people in rural and underserved areas would be ecstatic about having. It's better for your children to use the time socialising with their peers as well.
    via PrimitivePainterz
  • 08
    epifauna NTA - Do you know why your wife is reluctant to get them up for the bus? Is it that she doesn't get enough sleep, that she's worried about them not getting enough sleep, that the kids are fussy in the mornings/it's incredibly stressful to get them to take the bus, etc?
    via epifauna
  • 09
    Mundane-Cantaloupe 78 Info: are you both working? Full time? Is community college tuition fees and books fully covered or are yal paying for that? What major? Was it mutually agreed on? I'm not saying that the kids can't ride the bus, but waking up 45 minutes earlier is a big deal for growing kids. I can understand why your wife would want to drive them, especially if she is the main one getting them up and ready and out the door in the morning? How far of a drive is it? Exactly how much is it c
    via Mundane-Cantaloupe
  • 10
    Bringing the car back home that empty seems wild. It's not even good for the car. It feels like you did this as a passive aggressive way to tell her she can't take them.
    via Mundane-Cantaloupe
  • 11
    YouSayWotNow ΝΤΑ They took the bus before, I can't really understand your wife's logic that it's no longer an option for them now. If they need to get up earlier, then they need to get up earlier. That's how life works. And it's a normal part of life. Given your financial situation, wasting time and money on gas to drive them to school seems a stupid waste of money.
    via YouSayWotNow
  • 12
    I do not understand your wife's POV on this at all. Why was it OK to take the bus before but now isn't?
    via YouSayWotNow
  • 13
    Distinct-Crow4753 INFO: Why doesnt she want them to te the bus? Has the extra sleep improved their grades or health? She seems pretty adamant about this but you havent given her actual reason.
    via Distinct-Crow4753
  • 14
    Iheartchocolate37 It sounds like this is more than the bus... you two need to sit down and discuss how you are financially going to move ahead and what lifestyle changes you'll need to make. This includes making use of public transportation that I'm assuming your tax dollars are already paying for. But you two need to work as a team... I'm not seeing that from your post
    via Iheartchocolate37
  • 15
    Competitive-Top4520 Is it possible there was an incident involving the bus that no one is telling you about (bu ying, etc)? Otherwise it seems very odd.
    via Competitive-Top4520
  • 16
    No-Trouble2212 Like others have pointed out, this is a financial decision. Your taxes go towards the school district and busses. The choice to burn gas and other risks inherent with driving, in my opinion, is out weighed by the free option. The kids will get used to getting up earlier.
    via No-Trouble2212
  • 17
    Errlen Info; which one of you has had to wake up at 5 am for the last decade to get the kids on a 6:30 am bus? Edit to clarify: I'm guessing you've been sleeping in peacefully by your statement “if she doesn't want to wake them earlier". You realize if you wake up, wake your kids, make their breakfast, make sure their bags are packed, and put your kids on the bus.... this problem doesn't exist? Soft YTA for thinking getting the kids to school every day is per se your wife's problem esp when you
    via Errlen

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