'Would you see this as normal safety stuff or is that getting too invasive?': 29-year-old man is offended that 3rd date looked him up online before meeting

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 3, 2026 9:00 PM EDT

Do you look somebody up online before going on a date with them? 

This seems to be a rite of passage in the age of the internet. If you know that you can find out some info on the person before meeting them, then why wouldn't you? Especially when it comes to dating. In the era of online dating, you never quite know what you're in for. First, there's catfishing. You want to make sure that the person you're talking to is the person who they represent themself as. Sometimes a simple Google search can reveal a lot. But even if you know they're a real person, you might want some more info. You want to see if you have any mutual friends, you want to look up where they went to school, and yeah, you might want to know about an ex if you can find that info. These are all natural impulses we shouldn't blame ourselves for wanting to follow. After all, you're somewhat in control of your online presence. If you don't want to be found, then you shouldn't put it out there. You have to assume that any and all info about you on the internet can and will be used against you when it comes to online dating. People are curious! They also want to protect themselves from potential harm. The man in this story, though, didn't think that was fair. 

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  • A woman shows a man her phone on a date
    via Yunus Tuğ For Unsplash+

    Model portrayal.


    A woman shows a man her phone on a date

  • Girl I'm dating had her friend look me up before our third date.

    I (29M) have been seeing this girl (27F) for a little over a month and things have been going really well. We were having drinks recently and somehow the topic of bad first dates came up. She laughed and mentioned that after our second date her best friend did a pretty deep search on me online because she wanted to make sure I was "normal."
    via After-Revolution-117
  • At first I didn't really care because I figured she meant Instagram or LinkedIn. Then she mentioned they found an old Facebook profile, the company I used to work for, roughly where I live and even figured out who my ex was from some old tagged pictures.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • Apparently her friend does this with basically every guy she dates and sends her a whole rundown. She thinks it's funny and says women have to be careful dating strangers, which I completely understand. But finding my ex and digging through years of old stuff before we'd even had a third date feels like a little more than just checking that I'm not secretly married.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • Would you see this as normal safety stuff or is that getting too invasive?
    via After-Revolution-117

  • Commenters came to the girl in the story's defense

    AleroRatking This is way more typical than you think. Just assume every person you date is knows anything you put online.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • mysticwaywalker I think its weird that people put their entire lives online then feel weird when people are curious about it. It is literally an online neighborhood and it is normal for people to be curious about their neighbors.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • Gladius Acutus Hey man, if your profile and those pictures are public, then it is free game. Sorry, these are the rules of the internet. You can deactivate your facebook account and other accounts if you want to.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • A man in a black tank top looks at his phone in a restaurant
    via Rendy Novantino

    Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.


    A man in a black tank top looks at his phone in a restaurant

  • When you're first dating someone, you might be a little trepidatious at first. This is a natural impulse. If you don't know someone, you might have your guard up for a while. Anything they say, you're taking into account in the trial of whether or not you're a good match. You're on the lookout for red flags as well as green ones. When someone knows a little too much about you, this might be more than a little off-putting. We may all look each other up before meeting, but that doesn't mean that you should share all that information about one another. That's what the woman in this story did, though. Keep reading to see what happened and let us know what you think in the comments.

  • Serena-Raindew This is pretty common, for safety reasons.... but its not something I would mention to him.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • bunglerm00se I do this, and I'm a dude. People misrepresent themselves on the apps all the time. I don't take any chances.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • East-Temporary-829 Every girl I know does this including me. She wasn't supposed to tell you!! It's girl code. The women in black will contact you soon.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • kai333 My wife did that lol. I was proud of her, she's nobody's fool.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • Plenty OMangos This is why I don't post a lot about myself on here (my anonymous Reddit) and I don't have any posts on other social media, or follow anyone outside of my friends and family
    via After-Revolution-117
  • Not just bc of women, but anyone in general. I don't want to be "searchable" like that, it freaks me out lol. Not like I have a lot to hide, some deep dark secret... it just freaks me out to share myself too much with the internet, knowing that anyone could look me up if they wanted
    via After-Revolution-117
  • Thepsyguy I accept this as a normal thing. If you look my up in mycase the only thing youll find is my divorce. My exwife also let me know about the guys she dated. So that way I know who is around my kiddo. I will also wind up looking up whoever I wind up with. All is fair in love and war.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • -Z-3-R-0- As a guy with no social media presense other than this anonymous reddit, I'd be curious to see if they would find much on me lol
    via After-Revolution-117
  • Appropriate_Bag240 I'm a 29F. Literally every female does this including myself. We like to know what we're dealing with. Honestly take it as a compliment that she's interested enough in you to do that. Don't think so much into it.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • kona1160 Bro, it isn't invasive you you put that Information online.... Why are you playing victim? Everyone looks up potential partners online, it's an easy way to gauge who they are and what they like... It's smart, especially for women.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • As a man I only found out a women I was thinking of asking out had a kid as she hadn't mentioned it in our short flirty convos...
    via After-Revolution-117
  • DenverKim I think most women do this and it's perfectly normal. But what's weird in your situation is that this woman decided to tell you about it. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to have this conversation... Maybe she just tends to over share. Maybe she was just trying to test your reaction. and see what you would say.
    via After-Revolution-117
  • But if I were you, moving forward, I would just go through life assuming that anybody is going to do this... Any potential future employer and any potential future partner. Because why wouldn't they?
    via After-Revolution-117

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