Sister doesn't want to drive sister-in-law's mother 4 hours to Thanksgiving as she lives 40-minutes away from her, and it would be a longer trip than it should be: 'My SIL has always been difficult because I feel like she tends to push boundaries'

María Cetra • Writer

Sep 6, 2026 4:00 PM EDT

She's a tad too much!

People need to learn how to say no. It's important and even therapeutic. Having a conversation where someone asks you something and you respond no, and your reasoning is a GOOD conversation. You don't have to say yes to any dumb offer that life throws at you. You are allowed and entitled to say no, even without giving an explanation. A question isn't a demand. It is a possibility that you are the one in charge to determine if you want to accept or deny. Nobody can force you to accept. You have every single right to simply say NO.

So, next time you get hit with some weird request that you hate and want to deny, do it! Nobody can force you to do ANYTHING. Say no, own your response, and be free from what other people dictate for your life. Be the one who handles the direction of your life. Choose wisely, however you want. Don't be like the people in the story below. Don't doubt. Just say what you really think about the offering someone just offered you. Say that you do not want to do it, and that's it. Once you do, you will realize what it is to be free. And also how saying no is not really a big deal. You are entitled to that!

Am I wrong for not wanting to drive my sister-in-law's mother 4 hours to Thanksgiving because she lives 40 minutes in the opposite direction?

I'm looking for some outside perspective because I genuinely cannot tell if I'm being unreasonable here. My brother and SIL, and mom all live in Cincinnati. My boyfriend and I recently moved to the Cleveland area, about 3.5-4 hours north of Cincinnati. My mom lives about 35 minutes south of my brother and SIL, and my boyfriend and I are planning to drive from Cleveland to my mom's house for Thanksgiving and stay with her. This morning I was talking to my SIL about Thanksgiving plans. She is due

*A car ride on the highway seen from the outside.*

It's a question, you are entitled to say either yes or no. That's how a question works.

baby will still be very young around Thanksgiving. She mentioned that her mother will probably be coming to Cincinnati for Thanksgiving as well, and then asked me: "Glad you guys will be in town for Thanksgiving!! My mom is probably going to come for Thanksgiving too. Speaking of... would you guys mind possibly driving her down for Thanksgiving? I haven't even talked to her about timing yet but otherwise she takes the bus down and I'd rather avoid that especially with the baby being so young and

I also understand the concern, but it's really not your problem.

but just wanted to throw the question out there." I understand her concern about her mom taking a bus around Thanksgiving when she has a newborn. I really do. The problem is that her mom lives about 40 minutes north of us, and Cincinnati is south of us. So she is not remotely on our way. We'd have to drive about 40 minutes north of our house to pick her up, then drive back through Cleveland and continue south to Cincinnati. My boyfriend would be driving. He has

Why would you get your boyfriend into some awful situation like that one?

never met my SIL's mother. She doesn't speak English, and communication with her is very difficult. I've only met her a handful of times at family events, so we're not close at all. I don't particularly enjoy being around her, and I honestly don't feel comfortable spending 3.5-4 hours in a car with her. My boyfriend is also very introverted and would be extremely uncomfortable spending that much time alone in a car with someone he's never met and can't communicate with. Our Thanksgiving travel i

Don't complicate your weekend even more than it already is.

work all day Wednesday. We'd come home, pack, deal with our dog, drop him off with the sitter, and then leave for Cincinnati. We'd like to be able to leave when we're ready, stop for dinner somewhere along the way, and just have the drive be our own time together. Then Sunday we'd have to leave Cincinnati according to whatever timing works for her mom, drive her all the way back north of Cleveland, drop her off, and then drive another 40 minutes back south to our house. We'd be tired and would h

Leave the past in the past, say no again!

So my gut reaction is absolutely not. But I'm really struggling with guilt because of the baby. And there is another piece of history that is making this much harder for me. About 6-7 years ago, my brother and SIL bought a table on Facebook Marketplace when they lived downtown. They both had small sedans, so the table wouldn't fit in their cars. At about 8:30 PM on a work night, they called me asking me to drive 30 minutes downtown to pick it up and then bring it to their apartment, which was ab

I was already showered and in bed after a particularly rough day at work. I have a crossover, but we had no idea whether the table would even fit in it. I said no because I wasn't willing to get dressed, leave my house at 8:30 PM, drive downtown, potentially discover the table didn't fit, and then deal with getting it home. They were really upset with me. And they still bring up the "table incident" years later. They joke about it, but it is very obvious that they still remember it. The next tim

referenced the table situation. Since then, I've moved apartments multiple times and have deliberately never asked them for moving help despite living in the same city because I already knew I'd hear about the table. So I'm afraid that if I say no to this, it will become another long-term grievance. And I'm especially afraid because if her mother takes the bus and then, God forbid, the baby gets sick around Thanksgiving, I feel like I will be blamed for "making" her mom take the bus. Even if the

You have to have an actual conversation with them.

worried they'll hold it against me that I wouldn't help. I also have another sibling who is estranged from our family, and because of that situation I don't get to see my nieces and nephew. It absolutely breaks my heart. So the possibility of damaging my relationship with my brother and SIL and potentially not being able to see my new niece is genuinely frightening to me. I don't dislike my SIL and her mother only because of this situation. My SIL has always been someone I find difficult because

She sounds like the worst!

push boundaries and expects people to accommodate her. I tolerate the relationship because I love my brother and want to have a relationship with my niece. I would honestly never ask my boyfriend's brother to drive my mother several hours in the opposite direction just because he happened to live near me. Especially if my mother didn't speak English and he'd never met her.

A woman enjoying a car ride. Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned. — *A woman enjoying a car ride.*
*_{Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.}*

That would be an option, but it doesn't seem like the best one for them.

Frosty058 NTA, but the answer here is really simple. SIL's mom Ubers to you, it would cost less than the bus to Cincinnati. I understand you'd rather drive alone with your BF, but making nice for the holiday really isn't that much to ask as long as she comes to you & eliminates the 40 minute back track.

rashea11 It's not an unreasonable request. And turning it down wouldn't be either. I might pass it back to her. Here are the plans we have. If MIL can get to you, and get a ride home, then it gets more reasonable. If the issue is that you don't want to give a ride to a virtual stranger who doesn't speak English, I think that's fair to say as well. If they reference it, I'd just point out that you don't have the kind of relationship where you do ech other big favors.

CharieRarie Could you compromise by having her Mom make her way to your house, and then you take her from there? It lessens the time spent driving but she still gets to see her Mom. Blast music in the car so you don't have to make awkward conversation? :)

That's right! They are using the situation in their favor.

Method Maven The way I'm reading this is that SIL is using her new baby and potential for germs to make you responsible for her mother's transportation. 1. SIL's mom can wear a mask during her public transit ride and thoroughly wash up, just like someone taking a city bus to visit an infant would. 2. SIL & brother, based on what you have said, sound entitled, and petty. Others have suggested that the dining table issue could have been solved by lending them your vehicle. Nope, nada, no way. They

lend your car to someone not on your insurance! The request to move a table late at night due to their poor planning (who thinks a dining table will fit in a sedan) and their constant reminders of this are proof. 3. Your concerns about getting cut off from your new niece are reasonable base on #2. And, given the schedule you outlined, going to get her is not even feasible. If I were in your shoes, I would only consider this if SILs mom came to me, not the other way around. I would also make it c

process seem so unworkable that SIL gives up and makes other arrangements. In my experience, entitled petty people are never satisfied unless they get all the cookies. You will be battling this issue for as long as she is in your life. Set firm boundaries and don't waver.

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.