Entitled woman suggest friend makes 10 hour roundtrip journey for a 30 minute coffee, doesn't understand why friend refuses

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Sep 19, 2026 9:45 AM EDT

Would you drive 5 hours just to get coffee with someone?

Friendship is worth everything, but is it worth a 5-hour drive? Sometimes friendships change as you get older, and there is nothing wrong with that. The people you used to be around all the time may take a backseat, while others get pushed to the fore. Things might get in the way of you being friends, like distance, children, or marital status. We all go through different seasons of life, and our friends are there to help us through them. I like the phrase "A reason, a season, or a lifetime" for this reason. Not all relationships have the same effect on us. Some are only temporary. This can be hard to face, though, when it's happening. You want to hold onto the things that may have served you in the past but might not serve you in the future. It can be hard to grow apart from a friend. You feel it happening, and you wish you could hold onto it with all you have, but you can't. This is okay. Not everything is made to last forever. The woman in this story was learning that the hard way with a friend who refused to make compromises for her. It's not easy to maintain a friendship into adulthood. You have to carve out time and energy for it. If both of you aren't willing to do this, it will suffer. 

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  • 01
    A woman drives a car on a busy street
    via Jan Baborák

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.


    A woman drives a car on a busy street

  • 02

    My friend thinks a five hour drive for a 30 minute coffee is a good idea.

    I have a friend Sarah who lives about five hours away. We used to be super close when we lived in the same city. We'd hang out all the time. Now we see each other maybe once or twice a year if that.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 03
    Lately she's been pushing this idea that I should drive up to her city just for coffee. She says it would be 'just like old times' and 'totally worth it for a catch up'. She even suggested we could do it on a weekday evening so I could drive back after.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 04
    Am I crazy for thinking this is absolutely wild? Five hours there five hours back for maybe 30-40 minutes of actual talking time. That's ten hours of driving. Gas is expensive. My car isn't exactly new. Plus I have work and other stuff going on.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 05
    I've tried gently suggesting she could come visit me. Or maybe we could meet halfway for a longer weekend. Or even just a long video call. She always says 'oh I can't really get away right now' or 'it's not the same as in person'.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 06
    It makes me feel like she doesn't value my time at all. Or maybe she's just really bad at understanding logistics. How do I tell her this is a ridiculous ask without sounding like I don't want to see her? Because I do want to see her but this specific plan is a no go.
    via Sweet_Livie

  • The friend in this story wasn't willing to do that for her friend. She wanted her to cross the distance, but wasn't willing to do it herself. When you're in a long-distance friendship, a lot can get in the way of that. You need a good chunk of time to dedicate to it. And if you can't do that, then you have to be resigned to it coming to an end. That's where these friends were, at a crossroads that spoke a lot about their future. Keep reading to see what happened here and what you think about it.

  • 07

    Commenters agreed this was a lot to ask.

    OminousPluto I would say what you said here! "Girl that's a 10 hour round trip drive....for coffee. I'm sorry that's a crazy ask"
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 08
    Two friends share a coffee together at a cafe
    via Brooke Cagle

    Image shown for illustrative purposes; person depicted is a model.


    Two friends share a coffee together at a cafe

  • 09
    EBL30cc I would just say "oh theres no way I can make a 10 hour drive work- but if you're ever in my city let me know!" and accept that some friendships won't withstand this level of distance.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 10
    NoAdvertising8062 Sarah is nuts. She sounds incredibly dense and entitled. You tell her driving ten hours round trip for this is unreasonable, and that you are open to video calls until she is ready to make a reasonable compromise. Don't exhaust yourself over such people.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 11
    Willing_Albatross_71 Meeting in the middle seems the most fair for such a short interaction. If its not a good time for her to accommodate that then tell her you're willing to wait until you can both make the drive.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 12
    asyouwish Your friend is delusional. I have a rule. I have to stay in a place 2x as long as the trip there and back. So, for a 5 hour drive, I need to stay there 20 hours. That usually means 2 nights of sleep. For 30 minutes. H I no.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 13
    Writing_my_words That's a ridiculously long. journey for you for coffee. If she offered you to stay round and made a weekend of it so you didn't have to drive 10 hours in one day, that's something.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 14
    But to expect you to do that is wild! If it were me I'd ask to meet somewhere in the middle for something more substantial than coffee so it is not all on you. 5 hour round trip for coffee is a huge ask.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 15
    I spent years travelling long journeys to meet people at their places (some of them never ever returned the favour) so I'm much more boundaried with approaching things like this. Sarah sounds incredibly inconsiderate.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 16
    YearninglyVariable Other people are saying she's entitled but honestly it. sounds more like she doesn't want to be your friend anymore. The cynical part of me thinks she knows it's a rediculous ask so you won't come. And if you do
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 17
    then she's set it up for the most minimal amount of inconvenience for her (short meeting in the evening which doesn't affect her other plans). Go nurture other friendships instead.
    via Sweet_Livie
  • 18
    Own-Emergency 2166 That is unhinged. Even if she suggested meeting halfway, that's too much, but at least she would be willing make the same effort and sacrifice. Say no, it's way too much driving, don't let her convince you it's unreasonable. Does she have a license/ own a car as well?
    via Sweet_Livie

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