Man takes woman on coffee date, she protests when he pays with Starbucks giift card: 'It made her feel cheap'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 26, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Does it matter how you pay when you pay for a date?

Dates are basically job interviews for relationships, and as a result, thinking about etiquette is just as important. You want to look presentable, come across as nice to be around, and act like you know how to do the right thing when it comes to dating. While it may be true that the right person will accept you for who you are, that is no excuse to be impolite or mistreat someone. 

Pretty much everybody agrees that dating is about assessing compatibility, but people often have slightly different ideas about what that means. Although it might not be all that romantic, a big thing to consider is how they handle finances and sharing them with a potential partner. Even if they don't want their entire lifestyle bankrolled, most people are going to be turned off by a stingy person. Meanness is rarely attractive.

On a first date in particular, most people want to feel like their date is trying to impress them. This can mean a lot of different things, but offering to foot the bill and then cheaping out on it somehow does not really align with trying hard to make a good impression.

Advertisement
  • A man and a woman look at each other while resting their heads on their chins across an outdoor coffee shop table.
    via Good Faces

    A man and a woman look at each other while resting their heads on their chins across an outdoor coffee shop table. Featured likenesses do not identify those mentioned.
     

  • A man took a woman he had met on a dating app to a Starbucks coffee date. Things seemed to be going OK, and he had told her that he was going to pay. She was fine with this until she realized that he had a gift card to pay with.

    She then told him that she felt it was cheap to pay with a gift card, and she wasn't sure about the effort of going on a coffee date either. This left the man wondering if he had been in the wrong to organize the date as he had.

  • Am I wrong for using a gift card on a first date?

    Hey all, as the subject says I took a girl out on a first date and paid with a gift card. We met on Hinge and chatted for about a week til I asked her on a date. I asked if she would be cool with meeting at Starbucks and she said sure.
    via Gman8900
  • After meeting in the parking lot and having some polite hugs and hey nice to meet you we got in line. The chit chat was basic slightly awkward getting to know you but overall fairly pleasant. Upon reaching the check out and letting her know she could get whatever I pulled out the gift card. I noticed a slight reaction from her... I can only describe it as a "hmph" kind of reaction.
    via Gman8900
  • To cut to the chase during the date she asked me why I chose Starbucks. For context I always like coffee shops as a first date. It's affordable, low stakes and if either party is not feeling it, it's easy to find a reason to head out early. I've had many dates over dinner or lunch that you can tell early on aren't it. But you have to sit through and pay for a whole meal with someone you'll never see again.
    via Gman8900

  • She revealed her expectations.

    Anyway, she said that she felt like a coffee shop was a weird spot, and even weirder to use a gift card. She said it made her feel cheap, that it was low effort and overall very "telling".
    via Gman8900
  • I didn't really know how to reply. I'm not the wealthiest, I'm not the poorest, but I would say I've learned to be frugal over the years especially after making poor financial choices in my youth. I recently received a number of gift cards. for Starbucks as a birthday present from my coworkers. I rarely go to Starbucks myself and I made sure the girl actually liked coffee, so I thought it was a good opportunity to use it.
    via Gman8900
  • If I didn't have the gift cards I still would have paid of course. I just thought it would be fiscally smart and a great opportunity to go somewhere I rarely go. Should I have spent my own money? AITA? Thanks!
    via Gman8900
  • A half-drunk iced takeout Starbucks drink sitting on a table.
    via Denis Volkov

    An iced takeout Starbucks drink sitting on a table. Image for illustrative purposes.
     

  • She didn't appreciate the savings.

    FloMoJoeBlow NTA. Hopefully there won't be a second date. Gift cards and saving $$$ are good things.
    via FloMoJoeBlow
  • ButterflyEden Dodged a bullet, the one who got invited is talking about feeling cheap. Who's cheap?
    via ButterflyEden
  • Possible_Raspberry75 So spending cash on her is the only acceptable means of a date? NTA. She picked an odd thing to be offended about.
    via Possible_Raspberry75

  • He maybe should have thought about the optics.

    Tempus Fugit2020 AH is a bit strong. I'll admit that a "gift card in the first date" to be a little strange though. It's not how I would present myself. So NTA, but that's kinda tacky.
    via TempusFugit2020
  • Btw...you could have loaded the card to your Starbucks app and no one would have been the wiser. Or...you know....just paid the $10.00 for coffee.
    via TempusFugit2020
  • Artichoke Vegetable90 I would actually think it's cute if someone used a gift card to buy a coffee for me. Unlike cash, gift cards are special, they are meant to be a treat to the giftee! So I'd be flattered. NTA at all!
    via ArtichokeVegetable90

  • It was a test, and he failed.

    GreenvsBlue I'd say it's a good life lesson about the importance of perception. Regardless of if she was worth it or not, I think using a gift card for a date is playing with fire. The entire point of a first date is to give a good first impression. That
    via GreenvsBlue
  • impression shouldn't need to be something you have to explain either. Using a gift card definitely makes someone wonder what's going on with your finances.
    via GreenvsBlue
  • seleneyue NTA, you're not compatible. It's good to know these things really and not waste your time. Coffee dates for first dates are fine, but also consider the distance they're driving to meet you or the time/$$ it took their commute.
    via seleneyue

  • It gave a certain impression.

    tiredbeeatch I don't think it makes you an AH, but I'd feel that the date was very low effort.
    via tiredbeeeatch
  • His_GoddessLove NTA, you can go ahead and check that one off as a nah.
    via His_GoddessLove

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

first date gift card Starbucks relationships
Scroll Down For The Next Article