Woman refuses to lend anymore money to unemployed friend after discovering he spends all of it on video games: ‘He couldn’t manage his own money’

Author image for Melissa Knudson
Melissa Knudson • Writer
Sep 30, 2026 9:45 AM EDT

Can borrowing money from a friend ruin a friendship?

The answer is yes. Money is always a tricky subject in friendships, because everyone has a different perspective on how it should be handled. Each person has different responsibilities and priorities, so it's hard to understand what other people go through with their personal finances. That said, when money runs scarce, it is only logical to prioritise basic expenses, like food and housing, over entertainment and fun. We've all been there: money runs short, and you're trying to save up for a rainy day or future projects. The solution is quite clear. You choose homemade meals over delivery, basic expenses over optional ones, and you must always make sure your pets are well fed, as they are a great responsibility. 

In this story, Mark clearly thinks differently. When he faces a moment of money shortage, he drops out of school and complains about his situation. So much so that when his friend tries to help him by encouraging him to save money,  she realises he keeps buying expensive delivery food and even inviting other coworkers for lunch. As friends, all we can do is give advice and our opinion, while respecting other people's choices. The real issue starts when those choices affect us too. 

After a few months, Mark's situation got a little more complicated when he decided to get a cat. Already, this seems like a risky decision given his economic situation. Predictably, he ended up asking his friend for money, because he didn't have enough to feed his cat. She, feeling sorry for the cat, lent him some.

This can make or break a friendship, no doubt. Sadly, it did more of the latter, when he claimed he had no money to pay her back. Eventually, he did after being asked twice, and payment was followed by conflict between them. 

Because of what had happened the first time, when he asked for money again, she said no. We want to see our friends thrive and help them as much as possible, so of course she felt bad for not lending him money, as he had recently lost his job and was struggling to find a new one. However, his spending habits had not changed one bit. When it comes to stories like this, the better choice is not to bring money into the conversation. Yes, some friendships can handle it, especially when both parties are responsible and accountable. But in this case, if these two want to stay friends, they must agree not to borrow or ask each other for money, as it is clear they have a very different concept of it. 

Would you lend money to your friends, or ask to borrow some from them?

Advertisement
  • Two friends arguing.
    via Via Getty Images ( Via stock-eye )

    Two friends arguing.

    Scene shown is a visual representation.

  • AITA for not lending a close friend any money?

    I (F28) have been friends with Mark (M26) for a few years now. We met at work about 3 years ago and in that time, I was the friend who tried to make him be more mindful with his money. He
    via BVBreallover
  • his money. He dropped out of college because he couldn't afford it, while simultaneously having (mildly expensive) food delivered at work on a daily basis and offering other people to buy them lunch as well. He
    via BVBreallover
  • to buy them lunch as well. He always showed up talking about new videogames he'd bought and, at some point, having upgraded his PC. He
    via BVBreallover
  • having upgraded his PC. He was knee deep in debt when we met, and managed to pay it off only to get 2 new credit cards as a celebration as soon as he did.
    via BVBreallover
  • was probably not my place, but I saw him as a little brother and told him multiple times to start saving up at least a portion of what we made (which wasn't much, to be fair). We continued said friendship after we both left that job. He
    via BVBreallover
  • after we both left that job. He never restarted college and never really learned to manage his money.
    via BVBreallover
  • A few months after work, he texted me asking to borrow money. I ignored his message and a few minutes later, he deleted it. We hung out the
    via BVBreallover
  • Two friends having coffee.
    via danibauphoto

    Two friends having coffee.

    Image for illustrative purposes.

  • deleted it. We hung out the next day and I brought it up, telling him I'd had bad experiences lending money to friends before and I wasn't willing to do that, ever. He seemed to understand but took it pretty lightly. A few months
    via BVBreallover
  • pretty lightly. A few months later, he asked me for money again. This time, he'd gotten a cat. He told me he'd run out of money and needed it for her food, and that he'd pay me back as soon as he got paid by the end of the month. I relented
    via BVBreallover
  • the end of the month. I relented because it's not the cat's fault that her owner doesn't know how to manage money and gets into fights with every boss he gets, ending up fired all the time. When the end of the
    via BVBreallover
  • time. When the end of the month came, he said he didn't have the money, despite offering to buy me lunch right. before. He got annoyed that I'd "pressure him" (asked once or twice). He did eventually pay me back.
    via BVBreallover
  • A few months ago, he got into a fight with his latest boss (again) and ended up fired, despite making more money than me at that point. He ended
    via BVBreallover
  • than me at that point. He ended up asking me for money again, soon after we'd had a talk about him not managing his money responsibly (he'd just bought about 30 new games a few days prior despite having hundreds in his steam library) and getting into fights with every boss he's ever had despite knowing he needs the money. I said no to lending him
    via BVBreallover
  • Coworker Friends having a conversation.
    via Via Getty Images ( Via kupicoo )

    Coworker Friends having a conversation.

    Recreated scenario included to enhance reader understanding. 

  • money. I said no to lending him money, and he got angry at me for a few days.
    via BVBreallover
  • It's been a while since then, and we're on good terms again, but seldom talk because my job consumes most of my time and energy. Apparently, he has. been unable to find another job since that happened about 2 months ago, and is living off of borrowed money from friends.
    via BVBreallover
  • Was ITA for not lending him the money back then? It wasn't much money, but I was angry he was pushing my boundaries because he couldn't manage his own money despite having enough to cover his needs, his cat's, and a few fun expenses throughout the month. AITA for
    via BVBreallover
  • throughout the month. AITA for not offering to lend him money now that I know he doesn't have a job?
    via BVBreallover
  • Angry woman.
    via Via Getty Images ( Via bowie15 )

    Angry woman.

    Stock photography for depiction only.

  • JetCrooked NTA it's not your fault he continues to be irresponsible, he's simply suffering from the consequences of his actions
    via JetCrooked
  • ACTSATGuyonReddit Remind him that you already helped him by giving him good advice. He can start taking it if he wants to do better.
    via ACTSATGuyonReddit
  • desrevermi I only made it through the first paragraph. Your friend is irresponsible Do NOT lend money.
    via desrevermi
  • 4lienviking You gave him a chance and he didn't follow through. He will never learn until he's burned all his bridges and can only rely on himself. Hopefully he fixes the cycle he is in because it's hard to be friends with someone that lacks any self reliance
    via 4lienviking
  • ReadMeDrMemory NTA. I wouldn't even have needed to read the post, because loaning money to friends is nearly always a mistake. Lending him money, supposedly for cat food, was a big mistake. Why so naïve? Do him a favor and do not lend him any money under any circumstances.
    via ReadMeDrMemory

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

friendship coworker friends spending money controversial coworkers money problems dispute no money video games asking for money borrowing money money
Scroll Down For The Next Article