Employee faces criticism from boss after declining to donate to celebratory coworker gift: 'We are here more than we are with our families at home'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Oct 3, 2026 2:00 PM EDT

Are coworkers always obliged to pitch in for gifts for one another?

While everybody likes to remind us nowadays that our coworkers are not our friends, it is undeniably a much nicer working environment when we get along well with them. After all, these are people that we spend a decent chunk of our time with, and have no choice but to collaborate with (sometimes on quite important decisions). Developing a rapport is something that is expected by most employers.

Still, there is a difference between being friendly with people and being expected to support them in ways that extend beyond the job description. There are certain things that should be the responsibility of their loved ones, and if it is directly work-related, it should be something that is provided by the company. There are far too many examples of employees being pressured into contributing in ways that supposedly support the company culture, but are actually thinly veiled tests to see how far each person is willing to comply and give their own time and money towards a cause that isn't strictly about the workplace. While it is important to observe workplace etiquette, some have valid reasons for objecting to this.

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  • Close-up of a woman holding a jar with money in one hand and the lid in the other.
    via Vitalii Khodzinskyi (Unsplash+)

    Close-up of a woman holding a jar with money in one hand and the lid in the other. Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

  • An employee had given cards and gifts to coworkers for special life events in the past, but had declined to contribute financially to a gift for a colleague recently. This led to him being called into a meeting with his boss, who told him that somebody had complained about this and that it was important to take into account the maintenance of his workplace relationships.

    The employee disagreed that these contributions had to be a part of being friendly towards his coworkers. However, he wasn't sure if he was doing the wrong thing by refusing to contribute financially to their gifts.

  • Am I wrong for not donating?

    My manager called me in the office today to speak with me. Told me "Its been brought to my attention, I wont say who, but I've heard that when we pool money together to get gifts for people for celebrations (house warming, baby shower, leaving, etc.) that you don't contribute. He said "Now I'm not telling you you have to donate
    via Fuzzy_Pizza9521
  • or that you have to tell me why (i actually have before just not the most current thing) you haven't, but just some things to be mindful of as you know we are here more than we are with our families at home. And with you yourself getting married, how would it look if people say "well he never contributes why should i" and I straight
    via Fuzzy_Pizza9521
  • up said "I don't care." Not in a malicious way but genuinely, if all I got was a verbal congratulations from my coworkers I wouldn't have an issue with that lol. Genuinely mean I dont care. I felt bad last time because of one event that I didn't pitch in, thats the truth. But to guilt trip me like that doesnt give me motivation to start. I can say that much. Plus if i was dirt poor that conversation would be even weirder. AITA?
    via Funny_Pizza9521

  • He had contributed before.

    *Edit: just to add in, when the person came around to collect I actually did explain why when I didnt have to. Just a lot going on to put it short. When we do birthdays, one person gets the next person. A card and a food item to share. I do that. So if it was mine this month, I get the next person a card and
    via Fuzzy_Pizza9521
  • a food item. Actually have to do it tonight. And i actually went above and beyond for her last year by doing more than the minimum- a nothing bundt cake and two airplane bottles of patron. But with the feedback after this I will be withdrawing from all participation, receiving or giving. Other people opt out for reli ous reasons.
    via Fuzzy_Pizza9521
  • A man sitting by another man speaks, with their laptops on the table in front of them.
    via Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦

    A man sitting by another man speaks, with their laptops on the table in front of them. Licensed media provided as editorial context.
     

  • It was a performative gesture.

    Wild-Orange-219 I hate this crop.
    via Wild-Orange-219
  • Single Tell89 "We are here more than we are with our families at home" is a wild thing to include in this passive aggressive lecture. 1) This being normal in society is dystopian. 2) Spending more time with these random people meaning I owe them my money is
    via SingleTell89
  • crazy. 3) If you as a manager or owner of a company think your employees should receive any sort of gift for major life events, include that in the company budget
    via SingleTell89

  • People shouldn't be coerced into donating.

    laurabun136 When I was practically threatened to make a huge donation, which I didn't and wouldn't have, to the church I'd been a member of since birth, I decided that was my final straw with organized rel_ion. And no more donations to any type of fundraiser unless I fully and completely wanted to, without any coercion.
    via laurabun136
  • Dispaigggggggge 'I find giving money for every thing a drain on my savings and not the reason we are here. I've decided to contribute in a non monetary way that I think conworker will appreciate more'
    via Dispaiggggggge
  • misskittygirl13 NTA. My work asked why I don't go outings. Told them i'm there to make money not friends.
    via misskittygirl13

  • The deal went both ways.

    Ok_Resist6113 NTA but don't accept any gifts given to you from them.
    via Ok_Resist6113
  • Brief-Assumption 9068 Seems to me that companies should be budgeting for these expenses instead of putting the onus on the employees. And to call someone out for not contributing is a dangerous game your manager is playing. It can be construed as coercion. I don't contribute as I need all of my
    via Brief-Assumption9068
  • money for my family and causes I care about. My coworkers aren't my family nor my causes.
    via Brief-Assumption9068
  • humpy_slayer I always participated. Housewarming, babies, etc. And then when I got a house. Crickets. Everyone else has received something after me too. So I'm done.
    via humpy_slayer

  • They company should be contributing.

    _Roguey_ Tell your manager you need a raise. When he asks why, tell him to cover all the dumb sh they collect money for.
    via _Roguey_

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