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A woman and a man on a date are engrossed in conversation
My date made a reel about us without asking. She apologized, but I'm still not comfortable.
I'm 30M, she's 28F. We've been on three dates and I genuinely like her.
She's funny, easy to talk to, has her own life and interests. One of those interests is running an Instagram account about restaurants and things to do around our city. Around 12k followers, so not exactly a celebrity, but she puts real effort into it.
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A man looks down at his phone, confused
On our third date, we went to a small Thai restaurant she'd been wanting to try.
She asked if she could take a quick video of the food. Obviously I said sure. I thought she meant the food.
The next morning, a friend sent me a reel from her page. It was a little compilation of the restaurant, and halfway through there was a clip of me laughing across the table. My face was clearly visible.
The caption was something along the lines of "When your Hinge date actually passes the conversation test."
It was complimentary. I get that. But I had absolutely no idea I was being filmed, much less that thousands of strangers would see it.
I messaged her and said it made me uncomfortable. To her credit, she apologized immediately and took it down. She said she was excited about how well the date went and genuinely hadn't considered that I'd mind.
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A woman shares something on her phone with her date at a table
Dating is so delicate early on, but it's also so interesting to hear about. Sometimes I'll see influencers go into great detail about the dates they are going on, especially in the early days. It's fascinating to hear about, and to feel like you get to be clued into someone's life, but it's also a slippery situation. If things get serious, they might regret having information blasted about them online. Or if you're not forthcoming about what you're posting, it might come as a shock to the person you're dating. You would hate to realize that thousands of people online are talking about you and you have no control over the narrative. This is why it's important to have these conversations early on. The woman in this story didn't, and the relationship suffered because of it.
If someone put my image online without my knowledge, I might be pretty upset. Even when someone posts something from a party without running it by me first, I bristle a little. But if someone I only went on a first date with posted a video of me, I would be very weirded out. That's what happened here, and it set the relationship off on the wrong foot. The man whose image was being shared didn't know that it was going to happen, and he felt pretty strange when he found out. The woman in the story didn't initialy thing what she was doing was wrong. He had to tell her. It brought up interesting questions around dating and privacy in an age whe everything feels like it's fair game for content. But when you're unwittingly a part of someone else's content, how does that make you feel? Keep scrolling to read what when down here and let us know what you think in the comments. Dating in the online age is pretty weird, I'll grant you that.
I believe her.
The awkward part is that she now seems nervous about even taking pictures of her coffee around me. And I'm starting to feel like the guy who made someone feel bad about a hobby they love.
I don't want her to stop making content. I just don't want to be part of that content, at least not without a conversation first.
I'm trying to figure out whether this was one thoughtless mistake that we can move past or a sign that we have fundamentally different ideas about privacy.
Would you give this another chance? And how would you explain the boundary without making it sound like you're asking someone to choose between dating you and doing something they enjoy?
Individual pictured is a model used for illustrative purposes.
A man and a woman holds hands at a table
I'd suggest starting by saying something like "I'm not mad. I'd like to have a conversation about the Instagram stuff because now it seems like you're nervous when you take a picture of your coffee around me."
You're 3 dates in. I wouldn't be surprised if you did have very different ideas about privacy but that's something you can find out by talking.
I think she handled this tremendously and is trying to minimize this part of her life to make sure you are comfortable. Just let her know you'd love for her to take pictures of the meals and venue next time you go out because you realize she hasn't been as enthusiastic about it, but you want to make sure she's still getting to post the places because she enjoys it.
You agreed to having dinner with her, not to appearing in content for 12,000 strangers. But honestly, her response matters a lot here. She didn't argue, call you insecure, or tell you to get over it. She listened, apologized, and removed the video. That's what you want when someone makes a mistake. I'd tell her you're completely fine with her filming food, places, whatever. You just want to be asked before you're included. Then see what happens. Respecting a boundary after it's been clearly communicated tells you much more about a person than never accidentally crossing one.
Oh my. You shared your feelings and got a positive response with no drama and someone who showed a real consideration for you. Sounds like a right nightmare. Clearly not long term relationship material.
Dump this psycho now... she's for the streets!
Sorry to mock.... but geez.
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