Apartment tenant says her boyfriend is demanding she pay him $265 to cover a towing cost after he failed to properly display his guest parking pass at her building, despite her constant reminders: 'This is your building. You should've checked'

A woman says her boyfriend wants her to cover, or at least pay half of, a $265 towing bill after he failed to display the guest pass on his dashboard. The thing is, she had already provided him with the guest pass and reminded him about it just about as many times as she possibly could. 

In her post, she described how the situation had occurred and how her boyfriend had reacted to the situation. Appealing to readers as to what steps she should take next.

At the start of her account of the events, she outlines how guests are supposed to display this pass when they park in the lot. She tells how she got him one from the front desk to keep in his glove box.

She goes on to describe how her frequent reminders have fallen on deaf ears, with her even going to hang it herself in the past to avoid complications.

She described this in detail in her own words. Then going into this latest instance where she had asked him if he had hung the pass like he was supposed to.

She claims he brushed her off with a vague assurance. But when they went out in the morning, his car was gone. So she had to drive him to the towing lot across town.

The fees amounted to $265, which he paid. But on the drive home, he told her how he thought that this was her fault and that she “should've checked before bed." 

She alleges that it was then that he informed her that he expected her to pay half or even the full amount. 

But she outlines the hypocrisy of this demand, since he had previously refused to help her with a parking ticket that she had gotten for parking on the street in front of his house.

But this time was different… apparently. 

This left the woman wondering what she should do next, so she turned to this online community, Reddit's r/PickAorB, where posters propose two solutions to their issue, and readers vote on one or the other: A or B. But commenters often come up with solutions of their own, which they sometimes dub “C”. You know, that hidden third option.

My Thoughts

This is an argument that I've had with my spouse several times in the past. I'm sure a great many of us have. Not this specific situation, but an argument stemming from the premise that "you should have reminded me about X." Where X is something that is 100% your actual responsibility, but you're just grappling with your own ego and looking for someone to push the blame on.

Now, I used to have a terrible memory for things like personal appointments. I used to, but I still do. 

If I don't have it written down somewhere where I'm going to see it on the day and even an hour beforehand, there's a good chance it might pass me by. Now, I've gotten a lot better about making sure it gets written down somewhere where it's going to be seen, and that that place where it's going to be seen gets checked every day. 

But, there was a time when this wasn't the case and in the early days of my relationship I know my the-girlfriend felt she had to manage me all the time too. At the time there was probably a point where I uttered, "You should have reminded me…" about some missed dentist's appointment or something, "Then this wouldn't have happened."

But, really, I knew then and am willing to admit now that it was my own darn fault the whole time. But sometimes you have to grow up a bit to appreciate and accept that. 

In this case though, it's definitely not the poster's job to make this right for her boyfriend. This one's on him.

The Verdict

Unsurprisingly, of the 98 distinct on-topic responses that I counted, 0 responses advised her to go with A: Pay half as proposed. 

61 responses said B: Don't pay. 

While 37 offered "C," which was a combination of different advice outside of the proposed options.

The prevailing sentiment here, in both the B and C responses, was that not only should she not pay, but she should end the relationship too.

Now, if you know a thing or two about Reddit, you know that users are pretty quick to tell someone to end a relationship for any imaginary number of red flags. 

There's an old saying, “Delete Facebook, Hit the Gym,” that has origins in the comical prevalence of advice being given along these lines as a solution for any number of situations. This is not limited to relationships, but to any number of stressful life situations.

Anyway, history aside, in this case I think that this advice is warranted. This relationship isn't going anywhere, and what better time to get out than when you're going to save yourself a few dollars.

Among these responses, the woman who originally posted the topic responded to some, offering some more insight on the situation and her next steps.

Responder CrankyWife connected the bill to how the couple handles responsibility.

B. He's an adult, he can keep track of hanging his permit. Also, now you have a data point for how he views money, and he holds you responsible for his stupid actions. Re-evaluate this relationship.

The woman who originally posted the thread replied:

I hadn't really thought about it as a bigger relationship issue until now. But the way he handled this compared to my parking ticket at his place is definitely making me rethink how he sees fairness between us.

User never-letgo focused on the immediate cause of the tow:

B. He wasnt towed because he visited you. He was towed because he parked without the required pass. Theres a difference.

The Original Poster's reply:

That's what I've been trying to explain. He wasn't towed for visiting me. He was towed because the permit wasn't displayed, even after I reminded him.

Ordinary_Explorer331 proposed ending the relationship without explicitly answering the payment question…

Option C, break up with and block him

Reader Bex122 offered the closest thing to a payment compromise, conditional on affordability… and briskly followed by a breakup.

I know we are just a bunch of Internet strangers but please end this relationship. This person is not going to change and he is showing you who he is.

If you can afford it, split the ticket first, not because you should. But because it would be a classy move, and then walk away with your head held high. You are worth better than this.