All New Dog Bios That Will Have You Laughing All Day (33 Memes)

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taloringer
Apr 9, 2018 11:00 AM EDT

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  • 01
    Dog - Carol, 46. Dental office receptionist. Always has Skinny Cow ice cream cones in the fridge. Goes to Zumba once a week.
    via imgur
  • 02
    Dog - Amy, 48. 2 kids. Loves tennis but has to be careful with her knees. Fav. song Celine Dion's "That's The Way It Is" @barkpost
    via @barkpost
  • 03
    Canidae - Rick, 58. Smokes cigars, watches Fox smoking any reefer under his roof, thinks Trump's a jerk but "damn it he tells it News on full volume, better not catch you like it is" $1 bi
    via imgur
  • 04
    Dog - Charlie, 7th grade. Thinks girls are gross. In a Jurassic Park phase. Will not share his Gushers so don't even ask
    via imgur
  • 05
    Shetland sheepdog - Joe, 48. Goes to golf toumaments just to yell jackass, loves him some grub from the red lobster.
    via imgur
  • 06
    Mammal - Jonathan, 24. Don't call him John. Only drinks from single origin free trade toilet bowls. Says he's bi but he's not.
    via imgur
  • 07
    Dog - Dwayne, 41. None of yo damn buiness. Move along son
    via imgur
  • 08
    Dog - Chelsea, 25. Yoga instructor. Vegan(ish) Loves Whole Foods but hates when the bundles of kale are too thick. @barkpost
    via @barkpost
  • 09
    Dog breed - Betty 26, but looks 35. Convinced male dogs are walked more.
    via imgur
  • 10
    Dog - Curtis, 33. Audio engineer. Always wears Converses. Only listens to "real" hip-hop. Host a slam poetry open mic. @barkpost
    via @barkpost
  • 11
    Cartoon - Broderick, 45, sax player, wears driving gloves, only carries $100 bills, has cane for literally no reason, favorite saying: "hey baby ShitheadSteve
    via imgur
  • 12
    Snout - Gerrard, 55. Professor of english literature. Invites himself to student parties. WEC
    via imgur
  • 13
    Dog - Alan, 16. Insists he was bom in the wrong decade. Writes poetry and loves The Cure, but not because of South Park
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  • 14
    Dog - Liz, 23. Once put a filter on a filter. Claims to be a free spirit but follows the crowd. Hasn't pooped in 5 days.
    via imgur
  • 15
    Canidae - Michelle, 28. Just broke up with her boyfriend to focus on herself. Has no intention of going out. Loves Skinny
    via imgur
  • 16
    Text - Eric, 28. Collects vinyl, quit cigarettes but still bums them.
    via imgur
  • 17
    Dog - Sharon, 35. Recently divorced, smokes menthols. Uses expired coupons, asks for a manager anyway.
    via imgur
  • 18
    Canidae - Valerie, 26. Had a one night stand but "doesn't usually do that". Wants her phone but it's so far. Can't adult today
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  • 19
    Vertebrate - Keri, 24. Has $170 sandals. Walks barefoot. Has a "Live, Laugh, Love" sign in her room. Sells daisy chains on Etsy
    via imgur
  • 20
    Pug - Hank, 47. Wicked swing dancer & great fun at weddings, but you wouldn't let him babysit your kids.
    via imgur
  • 21
    Dog - Samantha, 24, from the suburbs but pretends she lives in the city, snapchats herself driving her mercedes to work everyday, worships martinis and everything they stand for shitheadsteve
    via shitheadsteve
  • 22
    Dog - Beth, 35. Former drug addict but now 3 years clean. Doing really well thanks for asking
    via imgur
  • 23
    Hair - Greg 19, but goes by G. Dropped out of college after a month but got a degree in life after backpacking in Costa Ricka for 2 weeks
    via imgur
  • 24
    Dog - Barbara, 53, makes a mean casserole, racist, want some jelly beans? Proud member of mothers against marijuana, she already called the police
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  • 25
    Dog - Brooke, 42. Summers in Connecticut Owns 3 horses. Flirts with her son's SAT tutor. Her housekeeper knows too much @barkpost HH
    via @barkpost
  • 26
    Water - Darryl, 35 and alcoholic, drinks a monster every morming before his construction job
    via imgur
  • 27
    Dog - Debbie, 45, drives a suburban, reads at the beach for a living, not mad you lied to her, just disappointed.
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  • 28
    Dog breed - Brock, 14, hangs at the skatepark, comments "not funny" on funny memes, comments "fake" on YouTube videos
    via imgur
  • 29
    Canidae - Gage, 24 documentary film enthusiast, shares global warming articles on FB medicinal marijuana patient, drives a Prius #FeelTheBern
    via imgur
  • 30
    Dog - Sharon. Has never worked. Xanax prescription. Loves salad, hates her husband. She can even, she just choose not to Ochihuahua chloel
    via imgur
  • 31
    Dog breed - Trevor 33. Brews his own craft beer. Was a lumber sexual before it was cool. Listens to vinyl. Took improv at UCB
    via imgur
  • 32
    Face - Erik, 43. Runs an architect business in Stockholm. Doesn't own a TV.
    via imgur
  • 33
    Dog clothes - Darlene, 83, widowed, reminds u to chew your food, writes $12 checks
    via imgur

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