Deputy, Sponge Division
If a crime is committed against you or a cephalopod you know, he'll get to the Bikini Bottom of it. - Matty Malaprop
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Boss fires employee for refusing to illegally drive to work during a hazardous snowstorm: 'My county had a Level 3 snow warning, it's illegal for me to drive to work.'
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17-year-old brother refuses to drive his sister's friend to school after she rejected his advances: 'Continuing to be around Melissa was making it harder for him to move on.'
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A Mouthful of Hilarious Cooking Memes for Amateur Chefs
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Snow plower piles snow from the road onto his neighbors driveway, gets angry when she asks him why he did that: 'He told me he’d take care of it, I should be so grateful to him, and to get out of his face.'
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54-year-old dad spends $130K set aside for his grandchildren's education on a boat because his adult children don't have kids, adult children freak out: 'They admitted that they expected me to leave them a good inheritance.'
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