Texts From Mittens Are Purrfectly Entertaining

Author image for taloringer
taloringer
May 9, 2018 2:00 PM EDT

Mittens the cat has been texting non-stop and we have gotten all the latest drama from the kitten! Just what kind of shenanigans has little Mittens been up to...


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  • 01
    Text - Furizon 10:33 PM Messages Mittens Mitty, where are you? I've been banished to the living room! I didn't banish you Yes you did! Like a common leper! You were sleeping on my chest. I couldn't fall asleep. You're not that light. I moved you right beside me. So now I'm a fat leper? #banished textsfrommittens.coms
    via textsfrommittens
  • 02
    Text - . Furizon 9:55 AM Messages Mittens I'm exhausted, Mittens. Well, you better go to bed earlier tonight. It's not that. You did that THING again. What? Look hopelessly cute (and tough and fancy)? Is that the thing? You kept going under the covers and then back again. You were so indecisive, and it kept me up! But I looked hopelessly cute (and tough and fancy) while doing it, right? #ithoughtso textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 03
    Text - .Furizon 10:10 AM Messages Mittens I love it when you scratch under my chin. I know you do, Mittens. I can tell by all the purring. Grandma's so lucky Why? She has multiple chins. Mitty! That's not nice! What? #triplethechinaction textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 04
    Text - Furizon 2:12 PM Messages Mittens Why did you post that photo of me on Instagram and call me a "loaf?" Because when you sleep like that, you look like a loaf of bread. I can't decide if should be offended or not. No! It's so cute! Hmmm. I loaf you, Mittens. #officiallyoffended textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 05
    Text - Furizon 8:33 AM Messages Mittens I assume you're staying home from work today. No, why? We had a blizzard over the weekend But it's all cleared up Kids are off school. But my work is open and the roads are clear. Plus, if I don't work, I can't buy the cat treats you love so much. Um, aren't you running late for work? textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 06
    Text - Furizon 10:22 AM Messages Mittens I can't wait to see my girlfriend on Friday! I'm sure Fiona's excited to see you, too. That's like 25 sleeps from now! No, it's three sleeps. 25 CAT sleeps, not human sleeps. Right, you do get more sleeps than I do. #themoreyouknow textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 07
    Text - Furizon 11:02 AM Messages Mittens Why did you fall when you stood up from the sofa last night?? You'd spent like two hours in my lap, Mittens. So you were so overcome with my majesty that you fell over? #soundsright You made my legs fall asleep! I can make human limbs fall asleep? I'm a hypnotherapist! Um, sure. textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 08
    Text - . Furizon 10:11 AM Messages Mittens Mittens, today is National Cat Lady Day! Oh, a holiday! What did you get me? It's celebrating ME. OK. So what did you get me? Never mind. Happy National Cat Lady Day! I love you! I love you too. #stillacceptinggifts textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 09
    Text - Furizon 4:20 PM Messages Mittens Mittens, are you and Stumpy enjoying your visit together? Of course. It's 4/20, Stumpy's favorite holiday. I suppose the catnip's flowing pretty heavily over there. #obvies Don't overdo it, Mitty. Gotta go. It's 4:20 on 4/20. #hightime textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 10
    Text - Furizon 9:44 AM Messages Mittens It looks like you pulled yourself together for Fiona after your 4/20 catnip bender with Stumpy on Friday. Of course I did. I sure hope so, Mittens. She's a good girlfriend. Listen - I know what's important. Good. Naps, treats, Judge Judy, and Fiona. #notinthatorder #ofcourse textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 11
    Text - Furizon 10:34 AM Messages Mittens I'l be home early today, but I'll be pretty drugged up from my dentist appointment.I won't be much fun. Now I'm worried! It's OK, Mittens. Grandma is driving me. I'm not worried about that. I fear you'll be dipping into my catnip for your appointment I don't need catnip. I have human meds. Good! #stillworried textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 12
    Text - Furizon 9:22 PM Messages Mittens I feel robbed! Why, Mittens? I didn't get to lick your legs after your shower this morning! I had to leave for work early. Sorry! #totallyrobbed You're being dramatic. Dear local law officials: I'd like to report a robbery. #official Bye, Mittens. textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 13
    Text - Furizon 9:23 AM Messages Mittens Mittens, did you tip over my water cup this morning? Do I get a tip if I did? No. Then the dog did it. Earl was in the backyard this morning. Maybe he sneaked back into the house, slithered along the floor like a snake, and tipped it over? Do I at least get a tip for creativity? textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 14
    Text - Furizon 2:12 PM Messages Mittens Earl, wake up. Have I ever told you that you're a good dog? No. You tell me I'm a filthy hound. You misunderstood me. So ... I fancy a bag of croissants on the counter. You're not allowed on the counter. But no one ever said filthy hounds - I mean good dogs --aren't. I'll pay you in croissant. Sometimes my generosity astounds even me. textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 15
    Text - Furizon 3:35 PM Messages Mittens Did you and Treat Guy break up? No. He travels a lot. Travels? Fancy! Well, it's for work. Does he go to fancy, faraway places? He goes to Pittsburgh. Sounds VERY exotic! He'll bring you treats. #marryhim #nipsburgh textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 16
    Text - Furizon 10:02 AM Messages Mittens Mittens, please leave my toothbrush alone. I think the manufacturer made an error. I'm quite certain it's a cat toy. No. I use to to clean my teeth. Paws off. You clean your teeth with a cat toy? Never mind. I tossed it. I have extras. In the bottom drawer in the bathroom? #cattoydrawer Mitty! textsfrommittens.com OH
    via textsfrommittens
  • 17
    Text - Furizon 12:11 PM Messages Mittens Grandma! You have to come over right this minute! What's wrong, sweet Mitty? My felt rhino is in crisis under the sofa! The dog drank half the water from my fancy fountain! The cloud ate my sun puddle! You want a Grandma snuggle? #thattoo textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 18
    Text - Furizon 10:00 AM Messages Mittens May the fourth be with you, Mitty! I have no idea to what you are referring. It's May 4. The Force. What are you going to force me to do? Star Wars! I know I'm a star, but I don't intend to fight anyone. #iwouldwin Never mind. Good. I'm going to nap now. #andscene textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens
  • 19
    Text - Furizon 3:10 PM Messages Mittens Fiona, do you want to come over and watch birds with me today? Yes! 'll let you have the top perch of my cat tree. Mittens, you're the best boyfriend ever. I know, right? In fact, I'm such a good boyfriend that I'll let you share the top perch with me. #alsogenerous textsfrommittens.com
    via textsfrommittens

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