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14 People Share Their Best Jokes That Flew Completely Over People's Heads

For those of us who aren't professional comics, attaining perfect comedic timing and delivery is a moment to be relished and appreciated. Unfortunately for the Redditors taking part in this thread, their brilliance went woefully unnoticed. We're here to bring them the glory that they so deserve. 

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  • 1
    Text - thaidystopia 1T 37.4K 16h I was in America (I'm British) and met this dude whose name was Miles. He introduced himself to me infront of a group of people saying "Hey my name is Miles" but he pronounced it "Mi-uhls" like it was two separate syllables. I commented how I'd never heard anyone say it like that, and someone said, oh yeah? How do you say it in the UK? and without skipping a beat I said Kilometres. one dude lost his shit, 5 others kind of missed it and carried on talking Oh well!
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  • 2
    Text - Mangledhippo97 135.4K 2 .15h I was at a friend's house while she was having a friendly argument with her mum about being old enough to do what she likes. At one point the mother says "hey I brought you into this world and I can send you back up from where you came" at that point I shouted out in a parental tone "yeah, go to your womb!" No reaction at all.. just carried on with their conversation.
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  • 3
    Text - MulliganMG 21.6K 14h 2 My office had just redone the gym. They did a great job too, new machines, free weights, carpeting, locker rooms, etc. etc. It was unrecognizable. I'm down there, gettin swole (lol) when the CFO walks in and says, "wow, this is fancy." So I replied "yeah, in fact we're not calling it the gym anymore, now it's called the James." and he just turns around and walks out without even so much as a smirk. I was furious. The timing and cleverness of it was on point and this
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  • 4
    Text - 12h casualreader22 121.0K Senior year religion class at a Catholic High School. Our Deacon teacher asks us "Whats the two words you're not supposed to say to a Jehova's Witness?" The class was a wasteland of boredom. I, figuring what the hell, raised my hand and responded "Come In." Dead. Silence. Might as well as have had a tumbleweed rolling by. For the record the answer was "Happy Birthday."
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  • 5
    Text - ajcpullcom 20.0K 14h My wife and I were in a birthing class with about eight other pregnant couples. The teacher asked us to go around the room and say what we were most afraid of. Every other couple said the same thing: they just wanted their baby to be healthy. When it was my turn, I said, "We're terrified our baby won't be cute." Nobody laughed and everyone thought I was serious. I heard someone in the back whisper something like "he won't be good father." My wife and I laughed hysteri
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  • 6
    Text - 444thatsfour4s 116.3K *14h We were in 1st year of college studying our aircraft maintenance engineering apprenticeship and a guy asked, "is it true that when you flush the toilet on a plane it all gets sucked out of the back?". The lecturer said "no, think about it. At 35,000 ft a lump of number 2 would freeze instantly at -56C and solidify and get sucked into the engine and do a lot of damage". Then I said, "then the shit would hit the fan"
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  • 7
    Text - .16h ICameForMotorcity 114.4K I was in highschool, before first period, so the teacher wasn't even there yet. It was me, and three other girls I don't even remember the names of. One of them was going on and bragging about her boyfriend. Apparently, this dude cheated on her four times, and she's STILL with him As her two friends try to tell her to just drop him, the girl digs through her phone for pics of him. As she's scrolling, she kinda flirtily goes, "Oops, gotta find one that's PG ;)
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  • 8
    Text - 14h seraferous 1T 12.3K My husband and I were at Jeanettes Pier on the Outer Banks and there were stuffed eels in the gift shop. My husband said "What kind of eel do you think that is?"I responded with a question. "Do you love it?" I asked. He said yes, to which replied, " then.....t's a moray." That was 4 years ago, he still won't speak to me.
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  • 9
    Text - lucyanide 1 12.1K 17h One time I was in the car with my mum and I went to open the boo.. She warned me to be careful, that there was a butternut squash in there as she had just been shopping. On the spot, I replied "you'd butternut squash it" I wish I'd had more of an audience as no one else I've cracked the joke to has given me much credit but I'm glad her and I could laugh over it haha.
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  • 10
    Text - Meffrey_Dewlocks 110.9K 13h People were talking about Stephen Hawking passing away and someone mentioned he was British. Two teenage girls said they didn't realize he was from England I said "yea it's hard to tell since he lost his accent." No one laughed
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  • 11
    Text - ConsistentlyPeter 110.6K 9h Spent my lunch break doing a crossword, occasionally asking some clues out loud for people to help with - just to get them warmed up. Then, the ground having been prepared, I entered the final phase: "3 across- Overworked Postman." Someone took the bait: "How many letters?" And with a perfect deadpan delivery, I pounced on my prey: "Thousands." Nothing. NOTHING!!!
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  • 12
    Text - louislouislouis419.9K 13h Was chilling at a party when three of my friends who went to greek school together started speaking Greek to each other. My other friend showed up and asked me what they were saying. I shrugged and responded "Idk man, Its all greek to me". Joke went over his head and I still think about it daily
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  • 13
    Text - Blaspheming_Robot 19.4K 14h I have this giant Buddha statue which looks like it's made of solid stone. A friend was helping me pack for a move. She went to pick it up and almost threw it in the air commenting "I thought he would be much heavier." Without missing a second I said, "Oh, no. He's enLIGHTened." Nothing.
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  • 14
    Text - baronelectric 19.1K 13h I used to buy a couple hundred Cadbury eggs the day after Easter and eat one a day for the rest of the year. I was talking to a friend during the fall about eating one, and she says "But it's not Easter. . . "That's ok, " I reply. "I'm egg-nostic" The best pun I will ever make in my life, and I had an audience of one :-(
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