20 Old Lady Tweets That Will Have You Rolling On The Plastic Covered Sofa Laughing

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AmyBrown
Oct 20, 2018 1:00 PM EDT
Pearls of wisdom as told by Myrna Tellingheusen
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  • 01
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna It's close to sunset here at Vaca Muerta Estates. Are your appliances properly covered? TOASTER
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  • 02
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Doris acts like a prima donna ever since she received her Big Lots loyalty rewards card.
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  • 03
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Sep 18 When eating at a restaurant, I always try to sit facing the entrance so that I can evaluate everyone who enters. 45 LI 209 1.0K
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  • 04
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @Pe... 5d Six and one half years ago Roberta told me I hold too many grudges. I haven't invited her to book club since t 240 1,282 34
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  • 05
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Please be quiet. I am having a Sears moment.
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  • 06
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Sep 23 My feelings about store-bought cookies are so strong I once wore a mood ring that exploded at a reception table. I 169 20 934
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  • 07
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @Pe... . 3d As I suspected, no one kept the church prayer list up-to-date while I was gone. Now we might be wasting prayers on people who no longer need them! t170 34 1,091
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  • 08
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Sep 23 Always show up for a party at least ten minutes early. This keeps your hosts off- balance and solidifies your reputation as a superior entertainer. i 166 15 1.2K
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  • 09
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna My home blood pressure monitor has giving me an error message. I've left fifteen (15) messages with Dr. Hoopenlooper's office, but he won't return my calls.
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  • 10
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Sep 25 Florence, whom I barely know, had the nerve to insinuate I use margarine in my buttercream frosting. 1 292 1.5K 102
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  • 11
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Sep 22 If you're going to freshen up your lipstick in public why not reapply roll-on deodorant at Applebee's while you're at at? I 116 29 768
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  • 12
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna The outburst I had at JoAnn's Fabrics is not reflective of whol am.
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  • 13
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Oct 11 Hummus? There are too many hippies at this Bible Study. t172 34 998
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  • 14
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @Pe... 6d I have made peace knowing someone used my decorative soaps while I was gone. But I never forget. t 74 32 655
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  • 15
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Oct 14 I feel it is my duty to educate others, especially when they are wrong. 1111 17 567
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  • 16
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @Pe... 2d Another house sold in our neighborhood. I hope its new occupants aren't a bunch of vegetarian drum-beaters. 27 L64 457
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  • 17
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna 12h Moments of anger are the best times to peel hard boiled eggs. 1 110 22 503 Σ
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  • 18
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @Pe... . 6d We don't serve spicy brown mustard at fellowship luncheon. We are a Christian people. сс: Edna 790 t 165 30
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  • 19
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna Somehow Barb managed to find a sweater vest with leopard print pumpkins. 9:16 AM 11 Oct 18
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  • 20
    Text - Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna The moment I break the big news about my choir solo, Joan diverts the conversa- tion to her upcoming gall bladder surgery
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