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Funniest Relationship Tweets We Scrolled Past This Week

Guaranteed to make you laugh, cry or both.

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  • 1
    Text - Boyd's BackyardTM Follow @TheBoydP Friend: Let's go to the game next week Me: Let me check my calendar Also me: (yelling into the next room) Honey! 5:42 AM -4 Oct 2018 155 Retweets 307 Likes
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  • 2
    Text - The Dad Follow THE DAD @thedad My wife was baffled the other day when I told her I remember the date we met. It was the 1st March 2005. 1/3/5, 135 = the running time for Shrek 1. Did not tell her that last bit. 5:37 PM - 12 Oct 2018 153 Retweets 1,137 Likes
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  • 3
    Text - Ian Sausage @stephenjmolloy Follow Doctor: The surgery was a success and your husband should wake up in a few hours. My wife: I thought you said this surgery didn't require for him to be unconscious? Doctor: It didn't but he started talking and- My wife: I understand. 2:03 PM - 9 Oct 2018 239 Retweets 1,513 Likes
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  • 4
    Text - mark Follow @TheCatWhisprer Marriage is a never ending journey of discovery. Like, today I learned there is a wrong way to open a kitchen drawer. What an adventure! 4:10 PM - 28 Sep 2018 88 Retweets 481 Likes
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  • 5
    Text - Josh Follow @iwearaonesie *asks grocery store manager to write a note telling my wife that I looked everywhere but couldn't find the ice cream she wanted* 6:37 PM - 21 May 2018 1,337 Retweets 5,319 Likes
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  • 6
    Text - jo diggity Follow @WhaJoTalkinBout him: I think we should see other people me: is that on hulu or netflix 3:16 PM - 5 Aug 2018 6,149 Retweets 37,763 Likes
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  • 7
    Text - Jon Follow @ArfMeasures Her texting before first date* I want a guy who likes a drink and has killer looks Me:
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  • 8
    Text - Jon Follow @ArfMeasures Me watching Ratatouille in the movie theatre* so good! Wife watching A Star Is Born: turn your phone off 7:17 AM - 7 Oct 2018 96 Retweets 917 Likes
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  • 9
    Text - pragmatic parent Follow @Cynical_Parent My husband & I decided to role play He ran around at dinner, trying to meet everyone's demands, only to sit down to a cold meal interrupted by 2 throwing everything on the floor & 4 demanding to have her butt wiped. I took a 45 minute shit. #marriage #parentlife 4:57 PM - 10 Oct 2018 Sleepless Mom
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  • 10
    Text - inkedupandsonic Follow @sonictyrant ME: Im certain that my dead wife's ghost inhabits other people just to insult me THERAPIST: that is classic paranoid behavior and frankly moronic ME: Sheila? 12:58 PM - 16 Oct 2018 221 Retweets 1,071 Likes
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  • 11
    Text - Jon Follow @ArfMeasures Me: I want to hold your hand Date: aw Me: I feel fine Date: me too! Me: All you need is love Date: wait you're just listing Beatles songs Me: Let it be Date: stop Me: Yellow submarine 5:29 AM 8 Oct 2018 806 Retweets 4,401 Likes
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  • 12
    Text - Josh Follow @iwearaonesie Before I got married I didn't realize "What do you want to do today?" was a rhetorical question 6:07 AM -13 Oct 2018 164 Retweets 760 Likes
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  • 13
    Text - Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan Follow Wife: Megan Markle is pregnant Me: Looks like she put the 'sex' into Duchess of Sussex Wife: There's already a 'sex' in Sussex. М: Ok Wife: It's right at the end. 3:54 AM -16 Oct 2018 30 Retweets 441 Likes
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  • 14
    Product - Pumpkin Spice Hotté Follow @_stfubarbara From memes to marriage. Life is beautiful. every school got a weird couple like this 7:39 PM - 16 Oct 2018
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