Human Achievement Reaches New High as Nepalese Man Smashes the Record for Kicking Himself in the Head

Lo, the prophecy of such a day has been foretold for eons as our ancestors trudged through the dim hallways of mortality seeking the elusive fringe of human excellence.

As generations rose and fell, banging their hopes against the jagged breakers along the bleak shore of this mortal coil, they yearned for the fulfillment of deep promises hidden within every soul's genetic labyrinth.

We found that fulfillment July 8. In the landlocked Asian nation of Nepal, a millennial hero descendant from the mountainous peaks of the Himalayas to bestow on us flawed masses a picture of perfection.



Who knows what heights we may yet scale as a species.

After this, do any heights remain?