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50 Of The Most Hilariously Relatable Parenting Tweets Of 2018

We have collected the funniest gallery of tweets written by exhausted parents this year and they're awesome! 

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  • 1
    Text - Jessie Follow @mommajessiec My 3yo is wearing a hoodie backwards and is storing snacks in the hood and I am in amazement that I created something this magnificent. 12:50 PM - 30 Sep 2018 550 Retweets 3,452 Likes t 550 45 3.5K
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  • 2
    Text - Simon Holland Following @simoncholland Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our for $27? 4:41 PM 8 Oct 2018 1,358 Retweets 9,119 Likes JLLIN t 1.4K 71 9.1K
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  • 3
    Text - Ms. Havisham Follow @MissHavisham *son hears me say "fucking door." Him: You cannot say 'fucking.' It's a really bad word. Me: I know! But I'm...you're 7. You CANNOT say it. I'm an adult. *pause* Me: Please don't tell Grandma I said it. 6:17 PM 15 Nov 2018 112 Retweets 729 Likes t 112 10 729
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  • 4
    Text - Amy Dillon @amydillon Follow I like to send little notes in my kid's lunchbox, like "Sorry the Wheat Thins are stale, that's what happens when you leave the box open." 5:26 AM 8 Oct 2018 624 Retweets 3,164 Likes t 624 43 3.2K
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  • 5
    Text - Ramblin Mama Follow @ramblinma The fastest land mammal is a toddler who's been asked what's in their mouth 6:47 PM - 5 Dec 2018 3,663 Retweets 8,617 Likes ti3.7K 79 8.6K
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  • 6
    Text - Mary @AnniemuMary Follow There ain't no team like Team Find the Remote. 4:18 PM - 9 Oct 2018 139 Retweets 342 Likes t 139 10 342
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  • 7
    Text - Valerie Following @ValeeGrrl can school plz stop with the "theme" days like frankly it's a miracle if my kids have on clothes that cover their hygiene areas AND brushed teeth, like our daily theme is "struggle" 4:38 AM 12 Oct 2018 328 Retweets 3,252 Likes t 328 68 3.3K
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  • 8
    Text - Sarcastic Mommy Follow @sarcasticmommy4 My son has two speeds when getting ready for school in the morning: Slow & slower 7:50 AM -22 Aug 2018 89 Retweets 648 Likes
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  • 9
    Text - Donnie Snarko Follow @geraldinreverse well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions 10:25 PM 28 Sep 2018 123,121 Retweets 247,820 Likes t123K 164 248K
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  • 10
    Text - Josh Following @iwearaonesie wife: me: wife: How long has it been? me: About an hour toddler *still trying to eat his soup with the fork he demanded* 9:13 AM - 8 Oct 2018 248 Retweets 1,150 Likes t 248 11 1.2K
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  • 11
    Text - SpacedMom Follow @copymama I asked my kids to make birthday cards for my husband. One drew a giant 48 when he's only turning 43 and the other drew a tombstone- shaped cake that said "R.I.P." so these should go over well. 6:00 PM - 13 Nov 2018 174 Retweets 1,504 Likes
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  • 12
    Text - Hailee Harmon Follow @haileeharmon28 Cleaning with kids is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos. #momlife 11:49 AM - 20 Aug 2018 19 Retweets 61 Likes
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  • 13
    Text - "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bo... Following @XplodingUnicorn Me: Get dressed 6-year-old: But then I'll have to do stuff. She cracked the code. 6:06 AM 14 Nov 2018 639 Retweets 6,023 Likes umutn t 639 16 6.0K
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  • 14
    Text - Chelsea DeBoer Follow @ChelseaHouska I feel like the people who lose all their baby weight right away JUST from breastfeeding are magical unicorns 7:43 AM -9 Oct 2018 1,154 Retweets 17,702 Likes t 1.2K 382 18K
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  • 15
    Text - Tracie Tom Follow @tracietom My 4 yr old niece is on the hyper side so my brother-in-law was trying to teach her about behaving and said "little girls are made of sugar and spice and what else?" and in her best batman voice she replied, "BLOOD AND BONES. 12:11 PM 28 Sep 2018 11,949 Retweets 64,830 Likes t 12K 65K 313
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  • 16
    Text - "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bo... Follow @XplodingUnicorn My brother-in-law: *yells at the football game on TV 8-year-old: Why did you do that? Brother-in-law: I'm mad. 8: But they can't hear you. Brother-in-law: *yells louder* 24 Nov 2018 11:07 AM 285 Retweets 4,144 Likes
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  • 17
    Text - Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 Follow New Mom: I bought my kids' Halloween costumes back in August! Well-seasoned Mom: That's cool. I take my kids shopping on October 31st so they can't change their minds 800 times. 7:01 PM 2 Oct 2018 93 Retweets 783 Likes t 93 7 783
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  • 18
    Text - MehGyver Follow @AndrewNadeauo MARY: Well, I just had a baby... in a barn. So, thanks to everyone who brought gifts. The gold, the perfumes. All things babies love. Also the child who inexplicably played drums, like, right in my face. This...this was great. 9:10 PM - 3 Dec 2018 11,529 Retweets 75,546 Likes t 12K 164 76K
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  • 19
    Text - The Hype @TheHyyyype Following wife: ugh the baby's been crying for hours, can you take over? me: sure *starts crying for hours* 11:14 AM - 8 Dec 2018 2,462 Retweets 12,470 Likes t 2.5K 14 12K
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  • 20
    Text - christine teigen Following @chrissyteigen I told Luna to "stop it" ONCE, months ago and now when she's doing something she knows is wrong she screams DONT TELL ME TO STOP IT before l even say a word. As soon as it came out of my mouth I knew it would end me. 9:13 AM - 3 Dec 2018 6,230 Retweets 146,510 Likes t6.2K 604 147K
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  • 21
    Text - Simon Holland Following @simoncholland I never understood how the little drummer boy's parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school. 4:40 AM 6 Dec 2018 701 Retweets 4,140 Likes t701 55 4.1K
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  • 22
    Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal Follow condom commercials should just be a live- feed of couples trying to enjoy a decent meal at a restaurant with their kids 9:48 AM - 20 Nov 2018 833 Retweets 4,006 Likes t 833 26 4.0K
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  • 23
    Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal Follow I offer my kids $500 for every A on their report card. It sends the message that education is a priority in our household and it costs me absolutely nothing since my kids aren't that bright. 1:13 PM 29 Nov 2018 6,320 Retweets 56,260 Likes t 6.3K 56K 90
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  • 24
    Text - SpacedMom Follow @copymama I keep all the tape in my house hidden inside an ice bucket in my dining room cabinet, and that's pretty much all you need to know about having kids. 6:41 AM 24 Nov 2018 176 Retweets 941 Likes ti176 34 941
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  • 25
    Text - Jessie Follow @mommajessiec Me: *hanging off a cliff Kids: Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Me: Oh thank goodness! Kids, go get- Kids: What's for dinner? 5:18 AM 9 Nov 2018 281 Retweets 1,148 Likes t 281 24 1.1K
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  • 26
    Text - Jon Following @ArfMeasures Me: I got the birthday cake for our son Wife: It says Happy 3rd Birthday Josh Me: oh shit he's gonna be 4 isn't he Wife: His name is Jake 7:16 AM - 4 Nov 2018 636 Retweets 5,211 Likes t1 636 15 5.2K
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  • 27
    Text - Kaitlyn Greenidge @surlybassey Follow My husband is in his first year of teaching elementary school math Every night he comes home, takes a long swig of soda water, stares into the middle distance and says, "The amount of cuteness I see on a daily basis...you just can't fathom it, Kaitlyn" II 3:11 PM -7 Nov 2018 49,319 Retweets 392,270 Likes ti 49K 1.3K 392K
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  • 28
    Text - SpacedMom @copymama Follow A Parenting Mad Lib: (adjective) all over the Why is there (noun) you don't stop and clean it up by the time I count to (number) I swear I'm going to _(empty threat). (noun) ? If L(verb ending in "ing"). 6:11 AM -25 Oct 2018 331 Retweets 831 Likes ti 331 34 831
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  • 29
    Text - lemonlime Follow @emmeline77 your dad isn't a dad yet until he stands in your living room for 15 minutes straight (instead of leaving) saying "this movie is so stupid" while you're watching Mamma Mia 8:23 AM 21 Oct 2018 8,737 Retweets 85,451 Likes 18.7K 85K 171
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  • 30
    Text - Josh Following @iwearaonesie Things drunk me has in common with my toddler: - can't drive - doesn't know what day it is - refuses to put on pants - won't shut up about dinosa 5:46 PM - 25 Oct 2018 308 Retweets 1,516 Likes t308 16 1.5K
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  • 31
    Text - Simon Holland Following @simoncholland Apparently it's "against church policy" to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch 5:55 AM - 21 Oct 2018 166 Retweets 1,242 Likes t 166 1.2K 20
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  • 32
    Text - Velvet Moon Follow @faungirl123 Me: *just died* l can finally rest without my kids waking me up for dumb shit Son using Ouija board: HEY MA 9:51 AM-26 Oct 2018 563 Retweets 2,442 Likes t563 41 2.4K
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  • 33
    Text - Jessie Follow @mommajessiec Me: *getting into back of minivan* Week-old sandwich: Seat's taken. 5:20 AM -23 Oct 2018 73 Retweets 275 Likes t 73 275
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  • 34
    Text - Dan Goor Follow @djgoor Just asked my 7 y.o. if I could be the person who chooses the hangman word and she said, "no. You already had your childhood." 6:27 PM - 21 Oct 2018 2,364 Retweets 33,748 Likes t 2.4K 105 34K
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  • 35
    Text - Sassparilla Follow @Megatronic13 One of the hardest parts of parenting is pretending you like vegetables 6:49 PM-8 Sep 2018 599 Retweets 3,513 Likes t599 51 3.5K
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  • 36
    Text - Oops!.. Dad It Again Follow @NewDadNotes Daughter: are ghosts real? Me: no. Daughter: grandma told me ghosts are real. Me: honey, grandma passed away before you were bor-wait. 7:37 PM - 12 Sep 2018 5,128 Retweets 20,860 Likes t 5.1K 54 21K
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  • 37
    Text - Andy Richter @AndyRichter Following To keep kids from vaping, vapes should only come in adult flavors, like: Extremely Salty Booze Breath Nut Meats Glendale DMV Candied Eel Genitalia Step Uncle Ultrasound Gel Coffee Pee Medication Super Onion Bronchodilator One's Own Blood Escrow Papers Quince 4:14 PM 13 Sep 2018 4,840 Retweets 33,683 Likes t 4.8K 1.8K 34K
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  • 38
    Text - Dr Branwen Bingle @BranwenBingle Follow My son described me to his school friend this morning: "She's a doctor, but not the kind that makes you better. She's like Doctor Who but without the time travel." And now anyone who wants to tell me a PhD isn't worth anything can go away BECAUSE MY SON THINKS I'M LIKE DR WHO 1:29 AM - 12 Sep 2018 10,168 Retweets 75,633 Likes 00 1 10K 378 76K
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  • 39
    Text - Sabaa Tahir Follow @sabaatahir Heard my 6yo slowly and painstakingly reading a Nat Geo book about otters to his stuffed otter b/c "I wanted him to know about his family." II 9:10 PM-12 Sep 2018 48,057 Retweets 412,609 Likes t 48K 1.6K 413K
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  • 40
    Text - Andy Ryan @ltsAndyRyan Follow Daughter: What does gays mean? Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other two men can love each other the same way Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'? Me: Er... read me the whole sentence Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze" Ме: Oh 11:59 AM 11 Sep 2018 115,714 Retweets 579,310 Likes t116K 1.8K 579K
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  • 41
    Text - James Breakwell Following @XplodingUnicorn I told my 2-year-old, "No," and she said, "Okay," and walked away. don't know what she's up to, but I've been more afraid in my life. 4:50 PM -24 Sep 2018 783 Retweets 9,191 Likes 2uLL MNCTS t 783 60 9.2K
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  • 42
    Text - Mommy Owl @Lhlodder Follow Someone asked what my plans are this weekend like I'm some sorta person without kids 3:19 PM 15 Sep 2018 171 Retweets 800 Likes t171 18 800
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  • 43
    Text - The Baron Follow @baronvonbike *starts my own YouTube channel so my kids will listen to me. 4:00 AM 17 Aug 2018 298 Retweets 776 Likes t 298 18 776
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  • 44
    Text - Al Shipley @alshipley Follow my son and I accidentally ended up on different teams in laser tag and every time I shot him he said "wow" in a dramatic disappointed voice 1:13 PM - 24 Aug 2018 33,802 Retweets 220,543 Likes t34K 250 221K
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  • 45
    Text - Grant Tanaka Follow @Grant Tanaka have u guys heard of this new internet challenge where u grow up, get married, work a job that slowly kills your soul while your children eat ur dreams, it's going viral af 11:00 AM 28 Aug 2018 711 Retweets 2,020 Likes t 711 52 2.0K
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  • 46
    Text - Unfiltered Mama Follow @UnfilteredMama Forgot to post a picture to social media of my kids on their first day of school. Do they have to repeat the year now, or what happens? 7:39 AM-28 Aug 2018 275 Retweets 1,711 Likes t275 71 1.7K
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  • 47
    Text - IHateEveryone @_IHateEvery0ne Follow I asked my teen daughter to bring the dishes down from her room four hours ago because we only have 3 glasses in the kitchen. She ignored me. Dinner is ready. I put her drink in bowl beside her plate. 1:26 PM - 26 Aug 2018 434 Retweets 3,808 Likes ti 434 191 3.8K
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  • 48
    Text - Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal Follow My toddler has literally never told me something that I didn't already know. Not one thing. Pathetic. 2:38 PM 19 Jul 2018 132 Retweets 425 Likes t132 425
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  • 49
    Text - Jingle Bell Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy Follow *cleans the house* puts on makeup and lingerie* opens a bottle of wine* *dims the lights* trips on a toy* falls down the stairs* 6:09 PM - 16 Nov 2018 116 Retweets 463 Likes ti 116 17 463
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  • 50
    Text - Oops!..I Dad It Again Follow @NewDadNotes Wife: my husband wanted to name our kids after Harry Potter characters but I wouldn't let him. Friend: so what did you name them? Wife: James and Lily. Friend: Wife: what? what is it? Friend: have you ever read Harry Potter? Wife: no why? 9:30 PM - 18 Nov 2018 766 Retweets 6,081 Likes
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