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27 Dumb Tweets That Beat Twiddling Your Thumbs

Bored? Going through an existential crisis? Tired of seeing people bicker about the Notre Dame fire? These tweets might be the distraction that you're looking for!

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  • 1
    Dog - velveteen @vividvelveteen I was at work and I was so upset that someone left heir dog in the office so I went to play with it and it's a fucking statue, then I was more upset
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  • 2
    Font - Savannah Falkenburg @snfalken... My step dad has been trying to get their wiener dog to be pet of the month for two years. April 2019, it finally happened. He sent me this and said "my proudest moment as a dad" APRIL PET OF THE MONTH GATSBY REEPS ULY NOLEN
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  • 3
    Text - Chris Miller @chrizmillr If I'm ever arrested, I hope it's not outside an Olive Garden, but I do hope it's for "eating pasta belligerently" FOX 61 @FOX61 News 2d FOX Florida man arrested outside Olive Garden after eating pasta belligerently bit.ly/ 2Uf6ScP 4:15 PM 14 Apr 19 Twitter for iPhone
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  • 4
    Canidae - Killa Cris @666Kiilla Allergy season having me like
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  • 5
    Text - t Heero Retweeted Deezy @Mandeezy2 This gonna be every thots Instagram caption this summer. roronoazoro. @pvtriots 1h "If you want a whore, buy one. If you want a queen, earn her" 9:08 PM 4/14/19 Twitter for iPhone 20 Retweets 34 Likes
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  • 6
    Text - James Willems @JamesWillems No parent should ever have to see their child grow up to be a Florida mug shot. 3:51 PM Apr 14, 2019 Twitter for Android 1.4K Likes 184 Retweets
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  • 7
    Text - lowercase bitch @TraceOddity I don't know who needs to hear this, but you already have six blank notebooks at home.
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  • 8
    Text - mean lesbian @Kaytarasaurus Ithink this may be the best wrong number text I've ever received l AT&T 90% AT&T 83% AT&T 12:53 PM 12:35 PM 12:53 PM 83% IMessage Today 12:34 PM Hi sorry this is not Brittany, I think you may have the wrong number. Hi Brittany Nancy do you have any sources for baby pygmy's, we lost Spookie a month ago he was 13, and I would like to get another goat for Maple, I tried a four old female and I need to return her tomorrow, it's not going well.. she sits with my nei
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  • 9
    Green - Abam @AdamBroud dad is at it again My 0 48 %D Sprint LTE 9:37 PM @ 0 48 % D l Sprint LTE 9:38 PM 48 % D l Sprint LTE 9:37 PM Dad> Dad Dad Today 11:25 AM It is thinly sliced cabbage Have you heard of Murphy's Law? Have you heard of Cole's Law? How dare you I haven't Yep Lol
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  • 10
    Text - Savannah Sunderman @savannah... Drank a few beers and emailed my dream job about why they should hire me instead of anyone else who had interviews and this was the response I got 18 Messages Job openings Savannah Sunderman Inbox Chanc 7:48 AM CF To: sjsund Details Monday Details SS To: Chanc I like that answer and I'm going to hold you to it. You got the job. You should hire me because I have worked my a** off to get to where I'm at right now, so that means I'll work my a** off for you to
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  • 11
    Text - harley @Harlz_ My dad is so dramatic when I'm not home all day. 9:20 LTE P Papi> Today 8:45 PM Good evening This is the hotel manager Will you be dinning in our lounge tonight.
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  • 12
    Drink - Juliet @uglyshinigami my parents house is chaotic COME BACK WITH A WARRANT Crack Cocane UTTER
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  • 13
    Text - @CRoyer97 My buddy forgot to wear pants to lab and a l 79% 10:04 AM JW K Pants Jake> Tiave a Stor y to tel you. should not have made the lab this morning. I showed up at like 7:58 and realized I'm in Tuesday, April 9, 2019 Got to lab on time. You fucking shorts (if you dont know, you cannot wear shorts in chem lab or you're thrown out). I start like sprinting back as fast as I can and when I'm like halfway home it's already 8:03 and I'm thinking man there is absolutely no hope for me. So
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  • 14
    Product - Taryn Elise @Voltaireon If anyone is curious about how well @JeffreeStar lipstick holds up-Iwas just in a car accident and there are lipstick marks on the airbag but my face is OK. ZU2 8914
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  • 15
    Text - don't look at me @heybritini One of my best friends is getting married and for her bachelorette party she wanted us to dress up in goodwill wedding dresses and go out in Nashville. I've never had so much attention in my life and it was so fucking fun
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  • 16
    Dog - goron girl @SHEIKAHH my dog is HOLDING A SINGLE PIECE OF DRY PASTA BETWEEN HER PAWS and eating it ROOT BC
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  • 17
    Text - Why the chic fila by me got this on the sign Imaoooo0 dat Way @KellyPriceJr Chick-fil-A NOBODY: US: "MY PLEASURE! CLOSED SUNDAY 2661
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  • 18
    Dog - taii @_Taiii Rooth, rooth Sold GAD ww 1GOWLL ENT Swavey vic @swaveyvicc "wanna go for a walk?" Dog: yeth
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  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 9295308544
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  • 20
    Coca-cola - vomit boy @brodyrhamilton this vegan shit easy SURREAL FLEXIN @surrealflexin 1d 10:52 AM 4/13/19 Twitter for iPhone 21K Retweets 106K Likes CLASSIC ocaCola
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  • 21
    Text - RJ @darkskinrj I'm about to become the first person to slip and fall in an online store ABC7 Eyewitness News @A... 1/9/18 obc Amazon CEO @JeffBezos has surpassed Bill Gates to become the richest person in history abc7.la/2E090GS Ted S. Warren/AP Photo
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  • 22
    Text - Wahlid Mohammad @Wahlid ugh the IRS is so clingy Imao just move on 2:10 PM 4/14/19 from Long Beach, CA Twitter for iPhone 246 Retweets 1,407 Likes
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  • 23
    Cartoon - t DH ANIMATIONS retweetete Shonen Clout @shonenclout If she's in Green, there's a 99.9% chance she's a bad bitch Tweet übersetzen 22:29 13 Apr. 19 Twitter for iPhone
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  • 24
    Text - Michelle D. @md33azz Take ya personal days man. These jobs don't care about you 9:35 AM 4/11/19 Twitter for iPhone 1,615 Retweets 2,498 Likes
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  • 25
    Text - Tom Zohar Follow @TomZohar Me around kids usually: Me around kids when their dad is hot:
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  • 26
    Text - Christine Estima @christineestima Why do people named Deborah go by "Deb" and never "bruh"
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  • 27
    Bird - Robert Maguire @RobertMaguire This picture of a crow is interesting because...it's actually a cat
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