32 Mindbogglingly Stupid Headlines That, Yes, Were Actually Printed

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Meeeeesh
Jun 3, 2019 3:00 PM EDT

Oh look, we're back with even more baffling stupidity! This time it's a roundup of insanely WTF headlines that clearly were written by overworked journalists at 3 am. But still, wasn't there an editor who had to have seen these before they went to press? Either way, scroll down to see the level of stupidity we're dealing with here!

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  • 01
    Text - County to pay $250,000 to advertise lack of funds BY МATT CооPEк The Register-Guard Lane County will spend up to $250,000 this year publi- cizing its tight financial picture, in hopes that voters in November will approve higher taxes for public-safety services It's an amount for county spending on publicity that has been unparalleled in at least the past 10 years. And it illustrates the seriousness of the effort tn nersuadaota
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  • 02
    Text - Northfield plans to plan strategic plan Though it will probably take antilwill inclade hiring a facilitator, the end of the year so complele, which could be done as carly as May Northfield Community Development Dineetoe Dan Rogness EDA and community members to said the Economic Development develop a list of important growth Authority (EDA) is satisfied with its progress toward creating a stratcgie food processing and tourism in plan The IDA recendly created a idonuifying weaknesses and st
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  • 03
    Text - Cows lose theirjobs as milk prices drop This unldely conbiuke Soeces han ht Foers milong prlor and other dry operaors By By Scott Calvert be in the daiy tw EASTON MdAs his 00wih a vengance. Ater souring dairy cows mbhered over for their Monday afternoon mking rmer Eric Foster pondered tus Mdle misdortune Thowe Hol- sMeles Economists are concernec in 2007 and remaining high i muchof 2006 mlk prices pait to farmers have collged and are heneft trom epected to reimain dismal eve prices at the
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  • 04
    Text - Woman missing since she got lost
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  • 05
    Text - Dog saves owner's life after cat starts fire GREENVILLE, Maine- Thumper, a black Lab, is get- ting credit for saving a Greenville man when a fire swept through his home. When a fire started Sun- day in Roland Cote's con- verted two-story garage, Thumper grabbed him by the arm to wake him. Cote said the fire investi- gator believes the blaze was started when Princess, the family cat, tipped over a kerosene lantern. Cote says he and his pets escaped safely, but he says Princess did get her
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  • 06
    Text - Christians will play atheists in charity volleyball match bate. He said someone posed it as a joke and he ran with it. I said. Let's play some volleyball so I can smash some people in the face who don't believe like I do Cro- teau said lightheartedly Sarah Hargreaves, presi- dent of the Kansas City Atheist Coalition, said they wanted to make it worth ev ervone's time so thev decid By TREY WILLIAMS The Kansas Oty Star Believers and nonbeliev ers will go head to head this weekend, but not i
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  • 07
    Font - Worker suffers leg pain after crane drops 800- pound ball on his head CHARLESTON (AP)-The state Di He aid he has trouble walking and saf
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  • 08
    Text - SοuTH HAVEN City unsure why the sewer smells By KRISTIN HAY H-P Carrespondont Stickland said he will discuss the strategy of putting a non-toxic smoke into the sewer to detect the SOUTH HAVEN-The tests path of the offensive gas emanat- nve been inconelusive in trying ing from basement drains. "Somebody is putting some- ous odor that has been detected in thing into the sewer that is cre several downiown South Haven ing the odor," Stickland said in a intervicw after the council meet- Bob St
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  • 09
    Text - Police: Man thought he could only be charged with burglary at night Matthew Skrajner neighbor alerted police that he wit- nessed a male ron behind a nearby home Police then A A 22-year-old man faces a felony barglary charge after allegedly breaking into his mother's home in Eastlake. At 10:58 am, Eastlake Blankenship found Blanken- nolice respondad to a bes
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  • 10
    Face - Arizona man arrested after shooting at the moon, high on marijuana BY: Vivian Padilla POSTED: 2:58 PM, Jun 10, 2014 JPDATED: 11:37 AM, Jun 11, 2014
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  • 11
    Font - Planes forced to land at airports By Ben Baeder STAFF WRITER A notice released Monday morning Air Force fight warned those plan- EL MONTE er jets on Monday chased two mall airplanes out of restricted ning to fly small, pri
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  • 12
    Newspaper - Maic Fields US hocky sy FREE Hispanics ace Spanish tests er tday We 20 ethenda 5&M Native speakers pump up area AP scores De
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  • 13
    Text - aik n the The S Republicans turned off by size of Obama's package Band
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  • 14
    Text - Committee appoints committee to appoint committee Several School Committee By Meghann Ackerman STAFF WRITER members, including Geoff Ep Although the final decision is stein, said getting the word out hearly a year off, the Newton about the committee would be the School Committee is starting the best way to attract people with rocess of hiring a replacement expertise in many areas or Superintendent Jeff Young. At a meeting last week, the There's a lot of people out there School Committee a
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  • 15
    Text - Cops arrest white woman on warrant for black man WiEiams, uho spent a nigh: in the Vanderburgh Coanty Jail before a court magistrate or- dered her releDsed "I kept telling them they must be mistaken," Wiliams sald Evansville TRI-STATE police trying to figure out what happened News from ndiana, Wisconsih and Dowrstate linos 2nd time in 2006 The inckdent is the secend time this year an Evansvile resident has beenn mistakenly arrested. Earlier this year, the Rev Robert Allen Jr, 47, was ar E
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  • 16
    Text - Midget sues grocer, cites belittling remarks SY DANID SAPSTED English waid that when he started Work at the supermarket in Augast A terager jast 4 feet, 4 Inches 3000, be was trusted wil by Laur tall bogan a legnd nction Mocday Pattenon, the former manager. She becanise the spermarket where be aveays got iemeone taler to work Morked made him atack bigh with bim whin he ws stacking abelve Bat he claimed that the Scott Englishaald he had to atmesphere and his workload climb up the sides of
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  • 17
    Text - PThe Back Page State population to double by 2040; babies to blame TOM PHILP Catchy News Service SACRAMENTO-In their first tempt at projecting Califoria opulation in the year 2040, offi lals Tuesday unvelled a future ate with twice as many people Area Counties Northern San Joaquin Valley countes with their 1990 Sopulations and projections
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  • 18
    Font - Hospitals resort to hiring doctors PHYSICIAN SHORTAGE PROMPTING MOVE, ADMINISTRATORS SAY
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  • 19
    Font - Alton attorney accidentally sues himself ty ase Emert By Steve Korris chosen Centerre Title-a al company that Wyss owned- Almn atomey Emert Wyss close her loans
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  • 20
    Text - of Southwest Vet Clinic will administer the vaceinationsAll caliber models shots will be available for dogs, has added body cameras for cats and equine In addition the department patrolmen to wear. Now the Safety meeting ends in accident After a concluded Community Center recently, Hobbs, NM. officers and an EMT's were called to the scene of an accident was which involved two men from street when he was struck by the the safety meeting. Investigating officer Lt. onto San Antonio and was o
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  • 21
    Text - Woman falls in hospital, told to call ambulance erybody who walked through the door stopped and stared at me," said Wallace, who already had a broken arm from a previous fall. She ended up spending almost 30 minutes on the ground. LAURA STONE AND THERESA BOYLE STAFF REPORTERS When Doreen Wallace fell and broke her hip in the lobby of a Niag ara Falls hospital, she figured at least she'd get help-and fast. But that's not what happened. Instead, the 82-year-old Wallace who was HOSPITAL cont
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  • 22
    Text - WORLD IN BRIEF Greenland meteorite may be from space COPENHAGEN A meteorite which crashed intot Greenland last December may have come from outside our solar system.
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  • 23
    Font - Burglar X An Oak Hill community couple discovered a thief in their home Saturday after a man told a joke and heard a laugh upstairs. The counle said fhev returned
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  • 24
    Newspaper - The Chine e in the Suth Chna Se Soan ASIA China may be using sea to hide its submarines the
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  • 25
    History - Margaret Lupp exines a lew of the bags available for bidng Senior Center holds Old Bag Sale
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  • 26
    Text - Starvation can lead to health hazards DEAR DR DONOHUE: difcult to meet daily pro- My weight is totally over the teln, vitamin and mineral re- top. am 5 feet 7 inches tall quirements. and weigh close Get to a dietitian for diet advice that provides for es- sentlal nutrients whle par- Ing down calorie Intake sensibly. Your local hospital should be able to put you on the track of one. Combine to pounds, I was aver age weight in high
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  • 27
    Text - Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons Store Owner Arrested Previously On July 2, ndereer u MoldSei Frders ags Mond dgThey ple
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  • 28
    Text - Army vehicle disappears AN Australian Army vehicle worth $74,000 has gone missing after being painted with camouflage. Police are seeking pub- lic help to find the four- drive, which was
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  • 29
    Text - Murderer says detective ruined his reputation BY ANY B. MCCIRAW Tim Now SalWrier A convicted murderer has sued the detective who arrested him, saying the tigating McMinn's death. The detec ivestigator ruined his good name in tive is being sued as an individual comments published in the Times News In a lawsuit written in pencil on ruled notebook paper, Mark Jeffery Stover accuses Henderson County Sheriff's Departnent detective Li Walter Harper of making false, scan dalous, defamatory and l
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  • 30
    Text - GERMANY Ex-Minister Breaks Silence, Says Nothing Berlin (AP) Oskar Lafon- taine, the second most powerful in Ger many's govern- ment until his abrupt resigna man
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  • 31
    Text - St. Peters City plans its first dog park, archery range Russell Korando Two firsts for St. Peters parks could be coming this year to the city's largest park,
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  • 32
    Text - ON TEENAGERS, ADULT tatistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25 Mary Ae Tebed Rgaice star senoer ord by Ha FPe Celnal Springs DECEMBER 1999 MONDAY
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