Catastrophe of the Day: Pope's Visit Delays New iPhone Shipments

This is not the way to promote world peace.

Some poor, poor guy over at Gawker had his life's dreams put on hold when the Pope came to town. And he is surely not alone.

With the Pope's parade into America came enormous traffic blockages that put the kibosh on iPhone 6S deliveries. As the writer says:

The monstrous traffic congestion caused by the arrival of Pope Francis is expected to be so bad that UPS and Apple are already warning customers against the worst: missing the promised Friday arrival date of our new aluminum and glass idols. I received this email yesterday, and renounced my faith in the Catholic Church:

We know the Pope spreads an anti-capitalism message, but shouldn't it be one that doesn't involve the delay of new technology? Think of the children!

I ask you to join me in praying for my trip to Cuba and the United States. I need your prayers.

— Pope Francis (@Pontifex) September 18, 2015

Well, we need our iPhones. How else are we supposed to use those cute little emojis that Twitter created for your visit?

iPhone owners wept.