Funniest Dad On Twitter Shares Funny Things His Kids Say About Animals

James Breakwell, or Exploding unicorn as he likes to call himself on twitter, is a professional comedy writer, amateur father of four daughters and two pigs and one of the most popular dads on twitter. Sometimes, his kids have some funny thoughts about animals and here are the best ones we have picked. 

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  • 01
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: I'm sad. Me: Why? 7: Dogs can't see rainbows. Now I'm sad, too. 10:00 PM Jul 9, 2019 Twitter for Android 10K Likes 1.4K Retweets
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 02
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn [sees a stray cat] 7-year-old: Can we take it home? Me: Your mom is allergic. 7: We can get a new mom. 1:55 AM Jun 15, 2019 Twitter for Android 673 Retweets 8.1K Likes
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 03
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: I'm glad our dog can't talk. Me: Why? 7: He would tell our secrets. He knows too much 5:36 PM Jul 3, 2019 Twitter for Android 5.8K Likes 365 Retweets
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 04
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: Can a regular horse ever be a sea horse? Me: No. They're completely different. 7: So what's a regular horse that goes swimming in the sea? Me: Wet. 8:20 PM Jul 23, 2019 Twitter for Android 260 Retweets 4.3K Likes >
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 05
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: Can you move a spider outside? Me: I could just kill it. 7: No. Then his family will come after us. She's thinking two moves ahead. 7:40 PM Jun 27, 2019 Twitter for Android 658 Retweets 8.9K Likes
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 06
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn [school supply shopping] 5-year-old: I need a dolphin. Me: You need pencils. 5: Dolphins don't draw. 6:16 PM Jul 19, 2019 Twitter for Android 145 Retweets 3.4K Likes
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 07
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 9-year-old: Is chocolate dangerous? Me: If you give it to dogs. Wife: Or if you don't give it to me. 9:30 PM Jul 12, 2019 Twitter for Android 5.1K Likes 374 Retweets
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 08
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 5-year-old: I want to be a lifeguard. Me: So you can save people? 5: So I can fight sharks. Dream big. 3:50 PM Jul 12, 2019 Twitter for Android 4.7K Likes 401 Retweets
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 09
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: *howls at our small dog* Me: What are you doing? 7: Reminding him that he's a wolf. My kids are a bad influence. 11:01 PM Jun 28, 2019 Twitter for Android 5.1K Likes 256 Retweets
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 10
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: I have good news. 7-year-old: You got a pony? Me: No. 7: You got TWO ponies?! Me: No. It has nothing to do with ponies. 7: Then how can it be good news? 10:04 PM Jun 13, 2019 Twitter for Android 5.9K Likes 332 Retweets
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 11
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 3-year-old: Caterpillars build raccoons. Me: You mean cocoons. 3: NO I DON'T I learned something today. 10:24 PM Jun 12, 2019 Twitter for Android 3.8K Likes 196 Retweets
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 12
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: Do you know what sound butterflies make? Me: They don't make any sound. 7: *enraged butterfly shriek* 5:04 PM Jun 12, 2019 Twitter for Android 3.1K Likes 159 Retweets
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 13
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 9-year-old: Don't make fun of the squirrels. 7-year-old: They don't know. 9: They all know. Welcome to our horror movie. 9:23 PM May 31, 2019 Twitter for Android 4.1K Likes 227 Retweets >
    via Exploding unicorn
  • 14
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn Me: That's a grasshopper. 4-year-old: He's on the sidewalk. Me: So? 4: He's a sidewalk hopper. I learned something today. 9:31 PM May 22, 2019 Twitter for Android 6.4K Likes 430 Retweets >
    via Exploding unicorn

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