Nostalgia of the Day: American Girls Ranked by Betchiness is the Satire You Didn't Know You Needed

American Girls. Those super-expensive dolls you could buy to look creepily exactly like you, look nothing like you, or to just be cute:


She's definitely cute


We can agree--whether with our parents over how much they cost, or at our friends for not letting us rip off their heads or cut off their hair--we have all had anger toward them at some point in our lives.

Enter Betches and their definitive ranking of the American Girls by Betchiness.

We get the glory of seeing that entitled historical b*tch Samantha, finally getting put in her place.

...and seeing Josefina Montoya--pronounced "HO-SEF-INA" (I know, because I used to work there and was REQUIRED to correct people who called in to order one, fun times)--put in her damn place brings me NO END of pleasure:




Plus with randos like Caroline Abbott...


...you will feel the satisfying burn of familiar hatred sparked within the childlike center of your soul.


Don't you just hate our faces?!


Check out more of the awesomeness and pick your favorite betch here.