Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (September 29, 2019)

Every week we bring you the funniest parenting tweetswe saw on Twitter because nothing is funnier than frustrated parents. Enjoy!

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  • 01
    Text - t Jack's Dad Retweeted Dude-Bro Dad @thedadvocate01 Toddler: *crawling across the desert* Kind stranger: *offers water* Toddler: No, red cup! 5:34 am 17 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone 2.1K Likes 377 Retweets
    via Jack's dad
  • 02
    via HenpeckedHal
  • 03
    Text - t Rodney Lacroix Retweeted Scary Mommy Saom @ScaryMommy What I say: "Get in the car." What my kids hear: "Run around the front yard until Mom says the F word." 9:11 pm 25 Sep 2019 Buffer 457 Likes 56 Retweets
    via Scary Mommy
  • 04
    Text - Mommy Owl @Lhlodder That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is." 3:02 pm 22 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone 53 Retweets 319 Likes
    via Mommy owl
  • 05
    Text - t Jack's Dad Retweeted The Dad BriefsTM @SladeWentworth While it's impossible to pick a favorite child, it's easy to identify the one who isn't your favorite at the moment. 9:34 pm 20 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone 400 Likes 118 Retweets
    via The dad's briefs
  • 06
    Text - James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 3-year-old: My bike can fly. Me: Cool. Can I see? 3: You have to carry me on it. I had to ask. 9:53 pm 24 Sep 2019 Twitter for Android 3.4K Likes 76 Retweets
    via Xploding unicorns
  • 07
    Text - t Henpecked Hal Retweeted Jessie @mommajessiec Kid: Mom, where do babies come from? Me: I'll tell you when you're older. Kid: Mom, who is Kim Kardashian? Me: So, babies happen when a ma... 12:58 am 25 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone 1.3K Likes 210 Retweets
    via mommajessiec
  • 08
    Text - Little Greg @DaddyGrownup Hear me out. The first parent to school pick-up gets to pick the best kid. The well behaved one without the snotty nose. The last parent to pick-up gets the feral child. It's a system I think would work. 7:23 pm 11 Sep 2019 Twitter for Android
    via Daddygrownup
  • 09
    Text - tSpacedMom Retweeted Sara Says Stop @PetrickSara Probably the best part about my child becoming a tween is using the threat of embarrassment as a deterrent. 6:42 am 24 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via patricksara
  • 10
    Text - t Rodney Lacroix Retweeted A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut My 1 year-old got mad with one of his toys today and threw it. I asked him what happened and he insisted it fell. One day, he's going to make an excellent mobster. 3:28 pm 25 Sep 2019 Twitter for Android 572 Likes 132 Retweets
    via Homewithpeanuts
  • 11
    Text - t Rodney Lacroix Retweeted Bison @McGrumpenstein If my kids & cat ever get abducted, I would have to admit to the police that I have a thousand recent pics of my cat, but, like, a school photo from last year of my kids. 2:12 am 24 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPad 524 Likes 148 Retweets
    via McGrumpenstein
  • 12
    Text - bacon popsicle @Gupton68 The best thing about flying with kids is when your ears start to pop and you can no longer hear them. 9:37 am 17 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone 424 Likes 193 Retweets
    via Gupton68
  • 13
    Text - Marcy G @BunAndLeggings 8yo: I feel like you're always making up rules and stuff Me: like what? 8yo: like if we don't pick up our room a portal will open and take us to another dimension Me: well that's what happened to your older brother 8yo: what older brother? Me: exactly! 9:14 pm 19 Sep 2019 Twitter for Android
    via Bunandleggings
  • 14
    Text - Arianna Bradford @TheNYAMProject Idea: A version of CLUE where the point is to figure out what finally caused the parents to lose their shit: IT WAS JUSTIN, WITH DAD'S CAR KEYS, DOWN THE TOILET IT WAS MARY, FIGHTING WITH HER SISTER, ALL OVER THE DAMN HOUSE I'm gonna be rich I tells ya. 4:35 pm 19 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone 256 Likes 45 Retweets
    via TheNYAMProject
  • 15
    Text - MumlnBits @MumlnBits -At toddler group- Her: we should get together with the kids one day Me: oh that would be so lovely Her: which days are good for you? Me: oh none of them sorry thought we were being polite 7:16 pm 12 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via Muminbits
  • 16
    Text - t Mommy Owl Retweeted Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 If you like to hold up the carpool line by chatting it up with other parents who are walking their kids up to the school, just know everyone is plotting your death. 6:11 pm 24 Sep 2019 Twitter for iPhone 318 Likes 22 Retweets
    via Sarcastic mommy

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