Funniest Tweets Written By Women Last Week (November 4th, 2019)

Every week, we bring you the funniest tweets written by women this week. Because there are some jokes that only women can tell... Enjoy!


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  • 01
    via sarahsholder
  • 02
    Text - Alexandra Petri @petridishes न horror movie where millennials manage to buy a house but it's haunted by the ghosts of all the things millennials have killed "what was that?" "oh my god Jessica it's GOLF" 11:12 pm 29 Oct 2019 Twitter for iPhone 39.2K Likes 7.3K Retweets
    via twitter
  • 03
    via KylieJenner
  • 04
    Text - corie johnson @corietjohnson my therapist just referred to her therapist as my grand- therapist . trying to process. 6:21 pm 30 Oct 2019 Twitter for iPhone 29.9K Retweets 266.3K Likes
    via twitter
  • 05
    Text - Gennifer Hutchison @GennHutchison You know how when a child is cranky, we always say "oh, they're hungry" or "oh, they're tired" and then we feed them or put them to bed, and then they're much better? It's the same for us adults. 10:31 pm 30 Oct 2019 Twitter Web App 8.3K Likes 1.5K Retweets
    via twitter
  • 06
    via Nicole Boyce
  • 07
    Text - Alana Hope Levinson @alanalevinson Finally brave enough to divulge my heterosexual rock bottom: finding out a guy was cheating on me via an astrology app I told him about. 4:51 pm 30 Oct 2019 from Los Angeles, CA Twitter for iPhone 455 Retweets 13.5K Likes
    via twitter
  • 08
    Text - lena @notlena some of you were never the third friend that had to walk behind when the sidewalk was too narrow and it shows 2:26 am 29 Oct 2019 Twitter for iPhone 67.7K Retweets 289.6K Likes
    via twitter
  • 09
    via /camilalissethh
  • 10
    Text - hunter harris @hunteryharris i want to delete my facebook but i also always want access to the information that my middle school crush has that terrible beard 6:42 pm 30 Oct 2019 Twitter Web Client 96 Retweets 1.5K Likes
    via twitter
  • 11
    via /MariahCarey
  • 12
    Hair - TIA TORTILLA. @LaTriiis Here is my mother as Rick James for Halloween. I'm yellinggggg 2:53 am 1 Nov 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via twitter
  • 13
    Text - BJ Colangelo @bjcolangelo A little girl with green hair chalk just asked me if my hair was dyed for Halloween. When I told her it was green year round she turned to her dad and screamed: "YOU SAID GREEN HAIR WAS ILLEGAL AFTER HALLOWEEN! WHY DID YOU LIE?!" 12:38 am 28 Oct 2019 Twitter for iPhone 34.5K Retweets 248.7K Likes
    via twitter
  • 14
    Face - Sidney @SidwWolfe If anyone wants to know how my weekend went I totaled my car while dressed up as Carrie and everyone who was a first responder thought I was dead HAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY
    via twitter
  • 15
    Text - christine teigen @chrissyteigen now hiring: someone to lift my weighted blanket onto my body 7:39 am-31 Oct 2019 Twitter for iPhone 4.1K Retweets 63.7K Likes
    via twitter
  • 16
    Text - Alyssa Limperis @alyssalimp I'm at the age where I wake up and take Motrin just in case 7:29 pm 28 Oct 2019 Twitter for iPhone 70 Retweets 894 Likes
    via twitter
  • 17
    Text - Sarah Hagi @geekylonglegs u know in twilight new moon when bella starts participating in adrenaline seeking activities bc edward ghosts her and she wants attention? that's how i feel when i tweet 8:39 pm 29 Oct 2019 Twitter Web App 1.6K Retweets 12.8K Likes
    via twitter
  • 18
    Text - Holli @BeingHolli Me, at 10:30: "nothing on TV-oh hey, let's watch the last little bit of the World Series (having watched a total of 0 games this year)" Me, at 11:45: "I WOULD LITERALLY DIE FOR THE WASHINGTON NATIONALS" 5:55 am 31 Oct 2019 Twitter for iPhone 3.9K Likes 213 Retweets
    via twitter

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