Seventy-Seven Internet Chatters

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FightMilk22
Dec 4, 2019 11:08 AM EST

Screenshot of things that people actually said on the internet. 

This is what the internet is talking about. Here is Forty Four of more of the same, but different.

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  • 01
    Text - Raven's Sin of Literature @TheBoyWhoWrote Send me a "we need to talk" text and I'm just going to respond with "yeah. We absolutely do." Now we're both waiting with spicy armpits
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  • 02
    Product - Morgan Lockhart @missdoomcookie Game devs: "But do people *want* to play evil characters?" Untitled Goose Game:
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  • 03
    Text - Gwen Thomas @gwenthomas33 ketchup pre-cum exists and you all know what I'm talking about
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  • 04
    Finger - sillyandquiteawkward u ever just get possessed and just take a jello out of its shell to hold Him Gently sillyandquiteawkward Лиь awesome D ME
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  • 05
    Text - noxolo. @HeidiSibulawa sneezing on your period and givinng birth to a jelly fish
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  • 06
    Text - if you're not vaccinated you should NOT be allowed to travel. period. it doesn't make sense people are reintroducing countries to illnesses they haven't experienced in years just because some affluent soccer moms think their stupid ass kid is gonna be the next einstein bc he's never gotten a measles shot "But it's my body!!! Yeah, and it can sit in quarantine as long as you like Karen, you walking smallpox blanket
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  • 07
    Text - lVerizon LTE 10:30 PM 11% I just-shower-thoughts Blowing a dandelion is basically you helping a weed ejaculate. jpfinch1 I was having a good day. We were all having a good day. churchyardgrim I mean it's kind of not, seeds aren't analogous to sperm, hell, pollen isn't analogous to sperm, plants don't do dimorphic gametes like that. a better analogy would be firing a couple dozen fully-formed babies from a tshirt cannon lunapics Now we're having a good day again.
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  • 08
    Text - jaboukie @jaboukie "millennials killed department stores" baby boomers killed the polar bears but right right right my deepest apologies to jc penny
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  • 09
    Text - Ni_coleeeee @coleeeee_ni My roommate masturbate cause she thinks I'm asleep Prince$$. @louisonuigbo What are you listening to rn?
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  • 10
    Text - KAT for MVP 14 @gracefieldtrio just learned that ppl really be putting sugar on their collard you niggas make me sick to my stomach greens KAT for MVP @gracefield... 7m Y'all just put sugar on anything and 14 everything and that's why y'all are fat
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  • 11
    Text - missweber Some old housemates of mine were Syrian Orthodox. At their church different members of the church took turns baking the bread that would be consecrated for the Eucharist. This was all well and good until one woman baked raisin bread. This led to the memorable occasion of a rather flustered priest, who had not seen the bread until that moment, declaring, "This except for the raisins - is the Body of Christ" shiraglassman EXCEPT FOR THE RAISINS omg pastel-lavender Raisins are just
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  • 12
    Text - stink floyd @see_em_play worst part of sex positivity culture is people thinking it's woke to force everybody else into their sex lives. i do not want to see, hear, hear about, or be made to think about you having sex, please fuck off
    via reddit
  • 13
    Text - Nick Malinowski @nwmalinowski Nine NYPD cops showed up at hospital to intimidate a teenager who was raped by two other NYPD cops and push her to not press charges: Ruth Bright-Needle @ruthbrarian "Why don't women report rapes?"...to who? These guys?
    via reddit
  • 14
    Text - Austin @TheBrotographer the only time you're allowed to condescendingly lament the younger generation's lack of encyclopedic knowledge of rock music is if you're a fraudulent substitute teacher who plans a grand scheme to teach them to shred and secretly enter them into a battle of the bands 4:25 PM 02 Dec 19 Twitter Web App 14.2K Retweets 63K Likes
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  • 15
    Text - I love that post-laundry feeling when you've got all the A-list clothes back in the game
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  • 16
    Text - Tweet virgin @νONDRE what's the name of that famous diagram with the nigga doin jumpin jacks with his meat out? 11/4/17, 3:24 PM 2 Retweets 5 Likes
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  • 17
    Text - You would be better off sand papering a lions ass in a pair of pork chop panties than being caught trespassing on this property
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  • 18
    Text - Phineas Yells at Candace 6.1M views 1 year ago Share Download 156K 3.ЗК Save oronths ago Dorito gets mad at airpod 2019 colorized 157 29K
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  • 19
    Text - Y'all gotta stop thinking sex or a baby gone heal DRUGS!! You gotta do y'all relationship drugs baby
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  • 20
    Text - Scott Lynch @scottlynch78 The three random yet recurring phases of cat ownership: 1- You are as elegant as moonlight and shadow, my sleek panther, my tiny hunter 2- You are my little boopersnoot squigglebutt squishydoodle 3- STOP CRAPPING OUTSIDE YOUR GODDAMN BOX YOU MALEVOLENT LITTLE STENCH GARGOYLE 3:13 PM 2019-03-22 Twitter Web Client
    via reddit
  • 21
    Text - Makeup brands: Moisturize your skin bc it's good for you. Men: No. [Later] Makeup brands: Why don't you hydro-punch your meat-tarp bc it's a shield against the enemy forces (sun) Men: 0 shit yea.
    via reddit
  • 22
    Text - DWade @DwyaneWade I've seen some post-than ksgiving hate on social about my family photo. Stupidity is apart of this world we live in-so i get it. But here's the thing- I've been chosen to lead my family not y'all. So we will continue to be us and support each other with pride, love & a smile!
    via reddit
  • 23
    Text - 3:56 Tweet nyahjae @nyahjae 2h y'all know why i'm mac n cheese right? lol mас hees 102 t.2 Wilmer Zhagui @wilmer_zhagui Replying to@nyahjae Cause u not a main u just side piece 3:54 PM 11/28/19 Twitter for iPhone 1 Like
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  • 24
    Text - @Gasingangsta Yeah fucking going to sleep. Jenn @lssaBOss 1d Y'all fucking after Thanksgiving dinner?
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  • 25
    Text - J.Cyrus @JCyrus happy thanksgiving , i have decided to do a juice cleanse today instead of eating a bunch of food. not to be healthy, but to be annoying when everyone asks me what i did. thank you
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  • 26
    Text - Tori Harley @TooBitter_Sweet So my cousin's girlfriend wasn't feeling well. They went to the hospital and found out that she is 4 months pregnant with sextuplets. Hearing this story was the first time l ever cussed in front of my mother cuz shiiiiit. It couldnt fucking be me nigga 7:55 PM 11/29/19 Twitter for iPhone 3,839 Retweets 15.6K Likes
    via reddit
  • 27
    Text - Daughter didn't want "sunscream" sol put her outside and yelled "SUN.... GET HER" and now she's flipping out. 8/25/18, 2:36 PM
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  • 28
    Text - Dave Hurley @hurlarious [INT. STARBUCKS - DAY] Me: Theres a large rat in the bathroom Barista:? Me: A large rat Barista: ? Me: THERES A VENTI RAT IN THE BATHROOM
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  • 29
    Text - Playy @NotPlayygrl my uncle on his 6th beer telling everybody how he coulda smashed Faith Evans but he wasnt fat enough. LMAOOO00OO. 12:00 AM Nov 28, 2019 Twitter for iPhone 1 Retweet
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  • 30
    Text - KAE @kaelinbby lgnoring catcalls gets you killed, acknowledging catcalls gets you killed. how am l supposed to express disinterest in a man's advances safely?
    via reddit
  • 31
    Facial expression - Kazeem Famuyide @Kazeem Two black QBs with two black ass names. They sound like members of 112 SI Sports Illustrated@SInow 7h DeShaun Watson and Lamar Jackson are the only QB's to defeat the Patriots this season CAVENS
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  • 32
    Text - Tired Mama Joyce wig @albertoutspoken Black people wil have a plate full of unhealthy ass food talmbout "dear lord let this food nourish our bodies" kathy HD Bravn
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  • 33
    People - Jim Carrey Follow @JimCarrey Brilliant black minds gave me a shot in Hollywood when none of the white guys thought I could connect or be a leading man. I got my first starring role (Ace Ventura) because of In Living Color. #ForeverGreatful
    via reddit
  • 34
    Text - sex is great because either you're the hot one, or someone hotter than you agreed to fuck and you're just excited to be there YourOtherleft Memedroid
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  • 35
    Text - Chief Cipher @ChiefCipher I don't believe there is such thing as a bad texter. If dumb ass trump Is the president and he can still find time and @people at his old ass age, then there is no excuse. If someone tells you they're a bad texter they're just not interested in you and you just move along now. >
    via reddit
  • 36
    Text - Sansa Stark @_Oroboghene I wonder how many times women have sexually harassed men without even realising that it was harassment. Here's how to tell, if you wouldn't feel comfortable with a random guy or even someone you know, touching or talking to you, some way, don't do it to a guy, Aunty!
    via reddit
  • 37
    Text - Chris Scott @iamchrisscott Mariah Carey beginning with "I don't want a lot for Christmas" and then revealing she wants "you" is such a good burn 4:08 PM 12/23/18 Twitter for iPhone
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  • 38
    Text - @messyfeels not to brag but i don't need alcohol to send texts i will regret Imao 3:39 PM 28 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone 14.3K Retweets 48.9K Likes
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  • 39
    Text - t ¥ohj! Retweeted avatarcmoney parody acct @notavatarcmoney Man what the fuck is a men sized 32? Bitch is that a S, M, or L? Jesus why don't y'all just have SM or L? How the fuck I'm supposed to know this shit. That's it. Pussy for Christmas. 5:07 PM 30 Nov 19 - Twitter for iPhone 20 Retweets 70 Likes
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  • 40
    Nose
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  • 41
    Text - Кay @KaylarWill I'm literally putting all these photos in his album so he knows the stress he caused for holiday photos 6:20 pm 28 Nov 2019 Twitter for iPhone
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  • 42
    Text - @simoncholland 5h Simon Holland Oh good, an email from every single store or website I've ever bought something from L2346 1,419 13
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  • 43
    Text - Jemele Hill @jemelehill I don't know who needs to hear this but if you didn't wake up and have that slapping Thanksgiving plate for breakfast, you're the Feds.
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  • 44
    Toilet seat - IVY @AMPARADOXXX How we know it's not the same ass wrap that's just going in circles? Awek @shairrago 2d Can we please have this in every restroom? Show this thread
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  • 45
    People - s.I.f.w @slfwO These two (my parents) were the cause of my depression, from being homophobic to staying in a toxic relationship for their kids. I made my 2019 NY resolution to take a gap year and connect with my parents, and honestly I'm gladi accomplished it. GAD
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  • 46
    Text - Tweet blueface@bluefacebleedem 1h Let's debate today I got time cuz! t158 595 93 @REDMFS How you feel about Carti? t2 8 blueface @bluefacebleedem Replying to @REDM FS I fw her she's great artist
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  • 47
    Text - Thread if someone you know is getting deeply into making bread from scratch they are deeply depressed I promise you 11:18 PM 11/25/19 Twitter for iPhone 19.2K Retweets 170K Likes
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  • 48
    Text - exxxmilitary average joe @jazz inmypants what if u had to have sex every day during pregnancy to keep building the baby 2:38 PM 11/18/19 Twitter for iPhone JES59 @JES592.12h Replying to@jazz inmypants With the same man? 5 t20 780 average joe @jazz_inmypants 12h This is a great question. Perhaps if u mix it up u can combine genes like a build-a-bear 36 ৩৪,300 t278 Hahaha! Honestly, that could be cool if it's like week 1 is hair color, 2 is height, 3 is athleticism, 4 is intelligence. You c
    via reddit
  • 49
    Text - PRINCE$$$A @stuckupya Niggas see you without makeup one time & will "you don't need it" you TO DEATH 6:20 AM Nov 26, 2019 Twitter for iPhone 57.7K Likes 15.6K Retweets
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  • 50
    Text - i hate humans bro..i shouldve been a rug or some shit
    via reddit
  • 51
    SO IF LUMBERJACKS SAY "TIMBER" AND GOLFER'S SAY "FOUR" Mansinend AND WELDERS SAY "WATCH YOUR EYE'S"..WHAT DO MECHANICS SAY? 1 9 Comments Chris Truckin Varner God damn stupid fucking son of a bitch fuck the stupid son of a bitch that designed this shit probably fucks his own mom (takes breath) great, lost my fucking piece of shit 10mm fuck my life with a stolen dick.... Reply Like ust now
    via reddit
  • 52
    Text - 12:23 AM AT&T 42% Jesse 'Writer, Not Writer* Jordan @JesseNeon My idiot furry son has one job at night - bork at things and make them go away. Easy, right? HOWEVER, a bear has learned that my furry son can be bought. This is the THIRD TIME he's been gifted deer bones in exchange for being allowed access to my trash, AND HE KEEPS DOING IT Tweet your reply 4
    via reddit
  • 53
    Text - dirk diggler @TakeForGrantd Spotify: hey dumbass. hey asshole. Me: pls don't Spotify: here's your 2019 Rewind playlist you bitch Me: stop Spotify: and we pulled every fucken song from that one 6 week period after a breakup Me: *already listening to the playlist, crying* it's perfect. i hate you.
    via reddit
  • 54
    Adaptation - Tweet New York Post @nypost Nov 26 'Perineum sunning' is latest insanity wellness influencers swear by trib.al/nMFWcfT 5.1K t583 85 Fatt Catt Matt @fatt_matt Replying to @blainecapatch and @pattonoswalt Sun god Ra, cradling a coffee cup in both hands as he stares down at a chorus line of taints: "they used to build statues of me..." 2:41 AM Nov 28, 2019 Twitter for iPhone
    via reddit
  • 55
    Text - 10:04 Tweet Langdon @ryanlangdon_ mall Santa booth thing* Child: Hi Santa Santa: ho ho ho Child: I want a bicycle this year Santa: Nah. You get coal. Child: what why? Santa: did a vibe check and your energy is just fucking wack dude 9:35 PM 12/2/19 Twitter for iPhone
    via reddit
  • 56
    Text - sara without an h @SaraHeinecke94 The plagiarism section of the syllabus is the same for every class, almost as if it was copied....&..pasted???
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  • 57
    Text - gi. E @babygia when is it too late to have a baby shower? cause my mama never had one when she was pregnant with me & i need some clothes
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  • 58
    Text - Agu Nwanyi* @ichizoba That era of when Colbie Caillat, Sara Bareilles, Natasha Bedingfield, Ingrid Michaelson, Regina Spektor, Vanessa Carlton and Michelle Branch dropped hits... We ain't never getting it back. Including old Coldplay, The Fray, and Maroon 5. Negro Elf @austinmj98 1d White music really fell off Show this thread
    via reddit
  • 59
    Text - Robert Reich @RBReich How about instead of pardoning turkeys we pardon the nearly half a million non-violent drug offenders behind bars?
    via reddit
  • 60
    Text - Sansa Stark @_Oroboghene I wonder how many times women have sexually harassed men without even realising that it was harassment. Here's how to tell, if you wouldn't feel comfortable with a random guy or even someone you know, touching or talking to you, some way, don't do it to a guy, Aunty!
    via reddit
  • 61
    Text - theofficialsymoneb @symonee_b If your gut telling you somebody acting weird THEY ACTING WEIRD.
    via reddit
  • 62
    Text - gov michaela @MichaelaOkla Just heard my mom shouting "DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHERE ROOMBA IS" and then 2 minutes later, more quietly, "aww poor roomba how'd you get stuck there sweetie"
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  • 63
    Text - Claire Nurse: you scored a 25/27 on your mental health questionnaire. Me: so that means I'm good at mental health, right? *Crisis Counselor enters room* Me: ah, beans. 2:01 PM 11/26/19 Twitter for iPhone
    via reddit
  • 64
    Text - Adam Schiff is a cop @notcapnamerica My aunt forgot to buy the macaroni. Pandemonium has already ensued and it's only 10:30. Is it too early to start drinking? 10:20 AM 28 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone 33 Retweets 647 Likes Ed @edjohnson7 1h Replying to @notcapnamerica Child. Go back to your hotel room, open a bottle and tell them to call you when they're ready to bless the food
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  • 65
    Organism - Lord Mandalore @Lord Mandalore Finally got banned from the flat earth discord by posting a forbidden image. 9/10/17 1:26 PM
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  • 66
    Text - Freddy Lee Valoy @freddyvcomic When white people put on pyjamas to party you know they're about to go hard 5:57 PM 11/28/19 Twitter for iPhone
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  • 67
    Photo caption - jon @jonxgenius Y'all working for Quicken Loans, but not QUICK to LOAN a brother a hand in the fight against oppression.
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  • 68
    Text - Barack Obama @BarackObama Today, we give thanks for our blessings, give back to those around us, and enjoy time and turkey, and maybe a some little football with the ones we love. From the Obama family to yours, Happy Thanksgiving. 7:13 AM Nov 28, 2019 Twitter for iPhone 13.9K Retweets 120.9K Likes
    via reddit
  • 69
    Text - talenciaga @ShonnieAnn_ Nov 26 When black ppl say "u kno what don't even worry bout it" they mad t 2K 16 4.1K (Here we go again...) Damaged Gol... @ChallengeRewind Replying to @ShonnieAnn_ and @Prettymel *5 seconds passes* "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY I SAID THAT?! п #%!&
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  • 70
    People - not brittany @brittanychwhe Why Future look like Bojack Horseman PDef Jam Recordings @defjam 2d Whole squad lit!! GO GO G
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  • 71
    Sky - Keith Sampson @BigKeith904 got to love your self first
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  • 72
    Text - Brandon Bradford @BrandonLBradfor I know a ton of things change when you get a dog, I didn't really expect my use of the word "poop" to rise so exponentially though 8:35 AM Nov 24, 2019 Twitter for Android
    via reddit
  • 73
    Face - Brandon Kohler @brandonrkohler My 10 year old brother called me to tell me he had a girlfriend and then sent me this 6:01 WK Will> Text Message Today 6:01 PM Her scrunchy is on my wrist Sounds pretty serious
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  • 74
    Goats - jaboukie @jaboukie us: why do u sound like that drake: Goats 'can develop their own accents telegraph.co.uk 12:59 PM 30 Nov 19 Twitter for iPhone 73 Retweets 451 Likes
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  • 75
    Text - kyle a.b. @kyalbr About Queen & Slim. I just need to be on the record for this. But, if it's our first Tinder date, and you shoot a cop. Girl, I'm sorry but.
    via reddit
  • 76
    Text - assata shakoochie @sailor... 21h She also forgot to mention the part where she went to school for free because her mom was a professor at said school. Don't make these type of announcements without the full truth. BlackFreelance @BlackFre.... 1d BLACK FREELANCE Thoughts? Show this thread Ayesha Selden @AyeshaSelden I sacrificed my 20s to build the foundation of long term wealth. worked 60-80 hours/week, saved & invested. Folk said I would regret it. I'm 41 and can buy almost anything I wo
    via reddit
  • 77
    Text - Ira Madison II @ira it's time to share my story. one day i saw baby yoda in the mall and i asked for a selfie and he said "i don't take selfies with fags, homo sex is sin" and broke my iPhone X. i couldn't stop crying i'm so ashamed. 2:02 PM Dec 1, 2019 from Los Angeles, CA Twitter for iPhone 229 Retweets 5.1K Likes
    via reddit

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