Alweos

Never allow your internal monologue to suddenly become external. If a good friend asks you what he should get his annoying and overbearing wife for Xmas, the reply "How about a muzzle?" should always remain internal. #LFMF

Take your new girlfriend seriously when she explains she has a high sex drive and actually worn out past boyfriends. 8 months in to the relationship we have sex 2-3 times a day and the other 3-4 times she jumps me I have to turn her down from exhaustion. More times than not I wake up to her giving me h-jobs in her sleep. #LFMF

When watching "Alien" alone in the dark, know the cat's exact location at all times. #LFMF

If you name your dog "Honey" explain this to your new girlfriend BEFORE she comes over. Calling for "Honey" to come here, only to tell your girlfriend "Not you, the dog," will not end well. You will not be getting any tonight. #LFMF