CHEEZBURGERZ_18_18

If your elbow accidentally knocks over a potted plant, think for a moment before whirling around ...

(While my mom was on a girl's weekend, she called me) Mom: I can't find my phone... Help me find...

Me: I'm craving something fruity... Mom: Where's your boyfriend?

Mom: You know I hate glitter. Glitter is the herpes of the craft world.

G-ma: (Opens door) Get up! Me: I'm sleeping, go away. G-ma: Too bad! Get up or I'm feeding you ...

Me: Yeah, Mum, Daniel's in Romania. Mum: What is he doing, hunting dragons?

Mom: Hufflepuff is my favorite! Me: Thats where all the unwanted children go. Mom: That's where...

Me: Let's watch Twilight! Dad: I'd rather rub my penis against a cheese grater.

Papa: Can someone feed the cat? Brother: He was eating a box before. Papa: Yeah but that's only...

Me:Mom, whats the ham for? Mom: Glow in the dark cement!

(playing a game where we had to name 10 things you take to bed) Me: A pillow, a blanket... Mom:...

Mother: (Leaving the house) No parties, no boys... Me: Why boys? Mother: I don't know. Me: Can...

(I came into the kitchen without my dad noticing me) Dad: *Turns around* Oh! Where the hell did ...

(Handing a fork to my dad while making fajitas) Dad: (slaps me with a tortilla) The fajitas defy...

Mom and I: *sitting in silence* Mom: *out of nowhere* ...I think I'm going to go into the garage...

(While sleeping on the sofa my mom sticks a grape in my ear.) Me: Why did you stick a god damned...

Me: (After being upset for some unknown reason) Mom? Can I have pudding? Mom: NO! PUDDING IS FOR...

(Me and Dad having an argument) Dad: Let's just agree to stop this silliness and talk about some...

(In the computer shop) Dad: So... The shop assistant that served you earlier... Was it a he, she...

(Mom and sister were watching Olympic figure skating and someone did a triple loop.) Mom: I love...

(My Mom and I are at the bank. Mom walks up to the bank manager.) Manager: How can I help you to...

Me: Oh look, a weeping willow. (*Dad reaches over and hits me in head*) Dad: Womping Willow

Dad: Holy Batnipples, it's cold out. Me: What the...?