CanadianBroad

Dad: That guy is dumber than a box of rocks with all the smart rocks taken out.

Never assume pedobear is a cute, harmless bear and set it as your Facebook picture. #LFMF

(Mom and I talking about my moving out for college) Me: The best schools are away from here and don't you want the best for me? Mom: I do sweetie. So why don't you just skip college marry some old rich guy and be supported?

(The day of my wedding rehearsal- My mom is giving me away.) Me- Mom, you can let go. Mom- Nope. Me- Um, Mom... We're doing his for real tomorrow. You have to give me away. Mom- Not gonna do it. Dad- Cindy, dammit! She's marrying the moron, you get grandkids. Everyone's happy!

*Looking at my grandparents wedding photo on their 50th anniversary* Grandma: I don't look pregnant, do I? Me: (shocked)...Grandma!?!?! Grandma: Well?... You don't buy a shoe before you try it on, do ya??

Mom: Do you want some Tylenol? Son: Nah, I took some pills dad gave me. Mom: Did you ask what they were? Son: No, why? Mom: You do know your dad grew up in the 60's, right?

Never hold your guitar pick in your mouth, you will swallow it and it will hurt, both going in, and going out. LFM Friend's F