Dyrin42

When living in Mexico, remember the slight pronunciation difference between the words ENFERMO and...

When working in an emergency room, remember which thermometers are oral and which are rectal. The...

Imagine how angry someone would be if you plowed through their house with a tractor. Now imagine ...

Do not sneeze while getting an enema. The wall behind you will look like a jackson pollack painti...

When an Evangelists tells you she can 'help you be born again', the correct response is not to lo...

Wasabi looks just like guacamole. It does not taste just like guacamole. #LFMF

"never carry a computer powersupply, in your rucksack, on a train. You will open your bag durring...

After church service is over, do not say out loud 'Thank God it's over!' Neither your mother or t...

When you notice something on a coworker's shirt, tell them about it, don't reach up and wipe it o...

When leaving your office building using the fire escape during a blackout, do not fantasize about...

Never underestimate the impact force of a small child on a steep slope in a fast sledge. #LFMF

When listening to your iPod through earbuds, do not attempt to fold a wool blanket. That little cord is a remarkably good conductor of static electricity, and the normally mild shocks are a bit more noticeable when they occur inside your head. #LFMF

Never leave the bathroom window open in the middle of winter. As your tongue can stick to a cold metal poll, your butt can stick to a cold porcelain seat. #LFMF

Never send someone an anomynous letter with your name on it. #LFMF

When driving in snow, 4-wheel drive will help you go. It will not help you stop. You still have to drive slowly. #LFMF

When running away from a wasp when in a parking lot, turn and run. Don't run backwards. There are curbs. Painful, ass-breaking curbs. #LFMF

If you are feeling gasious while feeling droggy on the train- it's a good idea not to go to sleep. The chairs are plastic and will echo even the quietest sound. You will fart yourself awake. #LFMF

When leaving out cookies for "Santa" keep the cookies out of reach of the dog. She WILL eat all of the cookies and throw up on the plate leaving your family in tears. #LFMF

Be warned, when you're drunk, tuna and cat food look the same. They DON'T taste the same. No matter how much mayo you put on it. #LFMF

If it is cold enough outside that you can see your breath, people can also see your farts. #LFMF

Boys, remember when you must go use the bathroom at late night, turn on the lights first. Your sister that's asleep on the toilet will not appreciate the fact that warm yellow liquid is all over her and her brand new PJs. #LFMF

Never confuse your iron pills with your wife's bladder infection pills. Peeing bright orange is very, very scary. #LFMF

If you had a friend spend the night at your apartment make sure that you don't sleep in the nude if you are prone so sleepwalking. #LFMF