G.A.Bariett

(Mom opens up the freezer and something falls out) Me: Mom? Is the freezer attacking you? Dad: ...

Mom: "No human sacrificies in the living room!"

Mom: No, you may NOT come outside to watch me smash this mouse's head in with a rock Me: But mom...

Me: Wow Mum, look! It's Buckingham Palace! Mum: Ooh look! That man's getting a parking ticket!

(Noticing a fly sitting on a dead fly) Mom: Look! A necrophiliac fly!

Mom: Go throw rocks at airplanes.

Mom: Did anyone see my broom. Dad: Why? Are you going somewhere.

(Before a concert) Me: Aren't you going to tell me to break a leg? Dad: No. However, I will tel...

Dad: (asleep) How much do you weigh? We're all going to live underwater! Me: (laughing) What? D...

Mom: "WHAT THE HELL?! I CAN'T GET OUT OF THE CAR!!" Sister: "Pull the handle." Mom: "Yeah? And ...

Me: So how was your day? Dad: My poop was in the shape of a question mark.

Mom: I saw a short bus today and I thought of you.

(Helping with math homework) Mom: There were 54 people in line for the ferris wheel and 400 in t...

Dad: Have I given you the talk about what guys want at this age? PORN PORN PORN PORN PORN. And ba...

(On the phone with Dunkin Donuts) Mom: Give me a Camden County police officer! And don't tell me...

Mom: If you're being kidnapped, just poop your pants. They'll leave you alone.

My grandmother: "That is the problem these days people are too comfortable, everyone needs to out...

(mom walked in on me getting kinky with my boyfriend) Mom: "I've been to 11 county fairs, and 3 ...

Mom: "She needs to keep her damn legs closed! or use kyptonite birth control!" Me: "I dont think...