The latest from Ganglofmeister
Instead of cutting, DONATE blood! You still get the pain from the needle stick, but you get to watch a whole PINT of your soulless blood pour out of you at a time!
Dad while on medication for allergies "All is strange and fake. Is this Hell? Or is it Ohio?"
My dad said: I dont understand the migratory patterns of Mexican cheese!
Dad: So I was in the shower this morning, and I was thinking about Doctor Who. *spaces off*
(as my little brother is sliding down the stairs backwards) little brother: hey daddy, i got carpet in my mouth. dad: oh really? you did? little brother: yeah *picks carpet out of his mouth* dad: well, you might be a lesbian you carpet muncher. me: *facepalm (my brother is 5 by the way)
About halfway through "Return of the Jedi" Mom: (re: Endor) Oh, are they back on Earth now? Me: They were never ON Earth to begin with. Mom: *looks confused* Me: (to save time explaining) Yes, Mom, they're back on Earth now.
*after speaking intelligently about a topic* Mom: You should be a writer! Dad: ...or gay.
*While talking about my grampa* Me: i wonder why he hasn't died yet Sister: Maybe god loves him very much Mom: or god's scared of him....
while talking about my best friend mom: omg. Emma has a boyfriend me: yeah, I know. mom: aren't you upset? me: no. Why would I be upset? mom: wait, did you two break up? me: What? Mom, I'm not a lesbian. mom: are you sure?
*A kid in my class yelling violently* Kid: Shut up, you douchebag!!! Mom: Do you know what a douchebag is?!?!?! Kid: A system for flushing your vagina out after sex. Mom: Oh, okay. As long as you understand.
(Talking about a picnic I was going to have with my friends) Mom: Don't you have enought meat? Me: Yes, but one of them is a vegetarian... Mom: No worries, there's a lot of grass in the backyard.
