The latest from Gathouria
Me: If A rhino and I were hanging over a cliff and you could only save one who would you save, Mom: Well... That depends, what color is the rhino? Because if it's purple I'm saving the rhino hands down.
Me: Hey Mom, I learned how to say "breakfast" in Russian! Mom: Vodka?
Mom: I remember when y'all were little, and I would put a blanket on the floor, and tell you it was a boat, and you couldn't get off or the sharks would eat you....Y'all would stay there for hours! My sister and I: ...
Dad: The Mother-in-law just died. Shop Assistant: Jesus... Your luck must be in! Dad: Yeah! Give me a Lotto ticket!
(Our neighbor next door has his windows wide open and is talking really loudly on the phone) Mom: Hey! You know, private conversations are a lot like a penis, keep it to yourself! (Our neighbor closed his windows immediately) Me: I love you, Mom!
Me: Dad, how would you react if I told you I was pregnant? Dad: Pfft. I'm too young and pretty to be a grandfather.
Grandma: "I can't drive while I'm Drunk". Brother: "You can if you believe in yourself".
(text conversation with my mom) Mom: We are sitting on the porch watching the kitties. Me: Awww, are they cute? Mom: They are eating weed. They feel cute. Me: I hope you mean they are eating WEEDS, not weed. And if they FEEL cute and don't just LOOK cute, I worry that it's actually you that's eating weed. Mom: We share. Me: I'm sending this to crazythingsparentssay.com Mom: ...Maybe I should be censored.
(My brother had just come out, and i was explaining to my younger brothers what it means to be gay) Little bro: So he's never gonna date a girl? Me: That's right. He prefers guys. Little bro: Does that mean he can't get cooties?
(My dad was abouot to get sugery to fix his shattered shoulder) Nurse: You won't see them come in and you won't see them leave, either. Dad: They're like, the Navy Seals of medicine. Sugery Team Six! Grandma: Hm... You won't see them come in OR leave... Sounds more like ninjas.
My sister bought a leather belt with her name burnt in it, soon after my other sister bought the same belt with her name. One sister claims to our parents that the other is copying her. Mom: "You know, imitation is the greatest form of flattery!" Dad bursts in to the room: "BITCH BE TRYING TO STEAL YOUR STYLE!"
(My gay friend, Josh, was on his way over to my house. My dad told me to make my bed, but I was being lazy, so I just flung my comforter on top of it.) Me: There, it's been straightened....sorta. Dad: (walks in, says without missing a beat) Josh is straighter than that.
(Looking into the freezer) Dad: I'm hungry, but there isn't anything good to eat. Mom: The whole freezer's full of food. Find something! (Dad looks forlorn into the freezer) Dad: But everything in here is frozen!
My dad, after killing a cockroach: "The worst kind of roach is a COMMUNIST roach."
